Reset

written: Oct 13th

Photo for today:

 

Josey and a TINY fraction of her “bone collection”. ::laughs::

I got to looking at my habit tracker for this month and man. I have no idea where those days went. I haven’t been doing hardly ANYTHING that I have set as goals for myself for this month. Self-care has been nonexistent. Typically, that’s a sign of depression for me, but I don’t really feel like I’ve been depressed. I wish I could say it’s because I’ve been so busy DOING things, but I haven’t been doing that either. So I have zero idea where all that time has gone.

Well, my husband’s been on vacation all this week. And so that’s thrown a kink into my typical morning and evening routines, as he’s been at home the entire time. Sucks that he doesn’t like to drive himself anywhere, so he wants to do all this stuff when I get home. And the kids have been absolute hellions this “short” week – due to having 2 days off for Columbus Day (don’t even get me started on that shit) AND I’ve been short staffed at work due to Laina being out Thursday and today, along with Jess out today. Thank goodness we got a sub for today, but Scott just seems so lost as to what to do as a sub. He’s worked for the after school program for close to 20 years and this is the first year he’s been a sub.

So yeah, everything is all sorts of out of whack in my life currently. And I’m just flailing around trying to get my footing back. I really need some solo time, some ritual time as well. Shit, I just need husband to go back to work already! I hate going to work to come home to David changing something in the damn house. And given the recent lay-offs at his job, his paranoia has been running RAMPANT. I always forget just how bad his paranoia can get…and damn, it is running full force off the damn rails. He is absolutely convinced that he’s going to lose his job soon – like he’s staying up late into the night just worrying obsessively over it.

Yeah, so everything is a bit off the rails at the moment. I’ve just got to make it through the next few weeks. Gotta do the art projects with the students. I’m hoping that I can get Sarah on board on handling the bulk of that. But to do that, I need all my fucking staff to actually show up to work!

But tomorrow is a new day. A clean slate. I can steer myself back on track and get a fucking handle on most of this shit. My husband goes back to work on Wednesday (which can’t come soon enough), and he’ll see that all his obsessive worrying has been for naught. He has another appointment at the VA later on this month, so I’m thinking of suggesting he look into something for his anxiety/paranoia.