Regrets

Today is one of those truly odd days.  I am looking back on my past and facing certain regrets.  And they aren’t “normal” regrets (because nothing is ever friggin’ normal for me).  They are regrets about NOT having sex with certain individuals that I had an opportunity to, but didn’t, for whatever reason.  And I am truly talking about pure sex – not relationships.  Like there are certain people I wish I could have had as a fuck-buddy for a while, but nothing more.

1.       Wayne P. – my first hard core, truly teen infatuation.  Like it was painful how hard I crushed on him all throughout middle and high school and most of my undergrad years.  There’s no way it would have ever worked out long term, but I really wished I had made a move – he obviously liked me in return.

2.       Andy A. – my super crazy anarchist friend – but before he went so far off the rails.  Back when we were buddies and hanging out at The Church (a Gothic club).  He had a smile that made my heart flutter at times.  Beautiful blonde with brilliant white teeth and a fairly chiseled body.  Really wish I had tapped that when I’d had the chance.  But now, he’s so way out in left field I would be very nervous if he showed up in my life once more.  

3.       Clint L. – another high school crush.  I came very close.  I even attempted to break up with Jeremy (my boyfriend at the time) because Clint desired me.  A fateful band trip, that if Clint hadn’t been rooming with one of Jeremy’s best friends…I just may have at least made out with him heavily.  And holy hell, he had gorgeous arms.

4.       Random Buff as Shit Guy at The Church – damn we danced around each other for months, letting our bodies and eyes talk from across the room to each other.  One fateful night, I got the courage to approach him and strike up a conversation.  Drinks were had, we danced almost the entire evening.  He offered to drive me around in his Corvette, but even in my drunkenness, I realized that probably was not a good idea, so I declined.  He was the only man I’ve encountered that made me feel feminine and dainty even.  ::laughs::  Such a rare thing for me, given that I stand around 6 feet tall…this guy had to be 6 foot 4 at least.  Broad-shouldered, truly chiseled body.  A marble god come to life.  ::sighs wistfully::

I think those are the major four.  I’m sure there are other minor desires that I wouldn’t have minded having a one-night stand with, but they don’t come to mind.  These four are the ones that weigh on my mind today.

And it’s not like anything is wrong with my marriage.  I’m not seeking to replace my husband, or wishing about “greener pastures”.  I know that none of the above males could possibly be as good of a fit for me as my husband is.  I have zero desire to cheat on my husband.

But even this loyal Scorpio gets a bit wispy as times, and loves to daydream of shit I should have done when I had the chance.  ::chuckles::