Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Feathers & Retreat

Photo for today:

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Pair of feathers I found on my walk today with Josey. Cardinal feather on the left. Unknown black feather on the right – most likely a Grackle. Lord knows we have a shit ton of those around here. Too small to be a Crow, or else I would have kept it.

Holy fuck, I’m so completely beat down and worn out. I almost burst into tears at work, dealing with those shenanigans and thinking about all the classwork I STILL have to do. So I’ve decided I’m going to try to drop my Public Libraries class. It’s just too much to take on right now with everything else that’s going on in life as well. Sadly, the last day to just straight up drop the class was Monday. Now, I can drop it, but I’ll get a penalty. But you know what? The penalty is worth it if I can keep my job, pull an A in the Archives & Manuscripts class, and NOT end up committed or haven’t done any self-injurious behavior, or had a psychotic snap. THAT is what the penalty will keep at bay right now. I do plan to take the Public Libraries class before the end of my Master’s degree, but most likely it will be my last semester, so I only have to focus on that one class, plus working in a public library (which will GREATLY help me in that class). So yeah, it will push my graduation back a semester, but if it keeps me out of the rubber room? WORTH IT.

Now I’ll have to pay back that class to my Mom. She’s graciously paid for my classes as long as I get B’s or better. Hopefully, I will get some of the money back from dropping this course. But even if I don’t, I intend to pay my mom back every penny for this class.

It hurts to admit that I’ve truly bitten off more than I can chew. It really hurts to admit that I’m not strong enough mentally, right now, to take on this class with the way everything else is going. It just really fucking hurts. But I keep telling myself, this is NOT me quitting. I will tackle this class another time, when I know I can win. And I will get a goddamn A in the fucking class.

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