Stronger

written: June 12

Photo 73/1001



A kick ass book I just finished reading. Seriously, GET THIS BOOK NOW! I checked this one out of the public library and plan to buy myself a copy as soon as I humanly can. Oh my goodness, I just found out there will be a sequel coming out next year! I can’t wait!

I learned something really interesting yesterday. I’m stronger than I give myself credit for, and my pain tolerance is much higher than other people’s. The nurses and doctor kept telling me that the cramping would be awful and that a heating pad would be my BEST FRIEND EVER after the ablation. And when the nurse inserted 2 pills up my hoo-ha to start dilating my cervix (which, damn lady, use some fucking lube and don’t brutalize my hoo-ha – she’s a delicate flower and you beat her up!), told me that cramping could get bad, but to just page the nurses and they would help out with that. ::shrugs:: Honestly, the cramping was on par for my normal cramping level, so by the time I even noticed that I WAS cramping, it would subside. And honestly, today? I could probably have skipped the pain killers (800 mg tablets of Motrin, so it’s not like they went crazy with the drugs or anything), but I didn’t want to risk it start hurting during the 3.5 hour drive back home.

Which then got me to thinking of other times that people have tried to make me less-than and how I ended up showing them up. Made me want to call up my shrink and flaunt the fact that when she was telling me I should drop one of my classes this semester because she didn’t feel I was strong enough, not only did I keep up with the two courses, but I somehow managed to pull out a fucking 4.0 AND kept most of my sanity to boot. So HA! In Yo Face!

And brought me back to the “short-comings” she saw in my marriage as well. And just pooh on that. Just reminds me that I DO dance to the beat of a different drummer and that is PERFECTLY OK. We don’t all have to do everything the same damn way as everyone else. As long as it works for YOU and doesn’t harm others? Fuck, go for it!

But I’m done with accepting others’ conformity. I understand that they are speaking from their experience and their perspective. And, if it’s something I haven’t done or experienced previously, I will certainly heed their words of advice. But it doesn’t make their experience/advice LAW for me. And that’s perfectly fine.

The follow-up nurse called me today, asking how I was doing. She inquired in the cramping today was “especially bad”. And when I told her that honestly, my normal cramps were worse than what I was currently experiencing, she was quiet for a few seconds and then just said “Oh, honey.” Like, I knew they were awful, because I was enduring them, but I thought everyone’s were at my level. But apparently mine are GOD AWFUL enough that nurses were shocked when I said the post-surgery was better than my normal periods. ::shakes her head:: And it pisses me off because there is such a stigma surrounding menstruation and we aren’t talking about this shit. So how many other women are out there, suffering GOD AWFUL periods, not knowing any better?? I’m just really angry that we are taught from a young age that “suffering” is just part of the package deal here. I can already tell you, I will be having discussions with my Lil Niece when she’s of age, and making sure she knows that she could always come talk to me about anything like that, because the last thing I want is for her to suffer through crap because she just doesn’t know any better. Of course, I’ll loop Lindsay (my Sis-in-law and mother of said niece) on anything serious. But hell, I am already planning to be that crazy hippy aunt already, so I figure this will just be par for the course! ::chuckles::