Bouncing

written: February 27th

Happy International Polar Bear Day.  I’ve set my altar up for it – to rebless my financial goals (mostly centering around my dream of photographing the wild polar bear migration in Churchill, Manitoba).  Just gotta find the time and the energy to DO the ritual.

My witchcraft is lagging.  I dunno, I just don’t feel overly enthused to do rituals or prayers or offerings.  Honestly, I’m just really, really tired.  I think, spiritually, I’m still in hibernation mode.  And that’s fine.  It comes and it goes.

So I’ve completely stopped taking the Lithium.  Honestly, I feel so much better.  Maybe I am bipolar, and the “normal” stability is just too dampening for me to tolerate.  I like a touch of mania.  It makes life so much more enjoyable.  It sucks when you can’t get giddy over the fun stuff in life.  I just wish the depression wasn’t so soul crushing at times.  That’s all I would want to fix.

So I had a good cry in front of my supervisor today.  I HATE crying in front of people, ESPECIALLY supervisors.  But we were talking about what to do about Alexia being on her phone yesterday and I am just so beat down over it, I couldn’t help but shed some tears.  Which infuriated me.  But I said my peace about it all, how unfair it is that I find myself questioning DAILY, if I even want to go to work, because Alexia will be there.  That this is a job that I’ve put 9 years into, that my campus and students adore me…and yet…I don’t enjoy being there because Alexia is there.  And I gave them a low blow saying that I couldn’t understand how in our current climate, how an elementary student can make an offhand comment about a bomb and get suspended for 3 days…even though everyone KNOWS he has zero intention (or know-how) to actually DO it….and yet, I can be threatened with assault by someone who CAN do it… and I’m forced to still work with her. 

My supervisor told me at that point that Alexia would be late to my campus because she had been called in that day to have a meeting with Kelly, the Program Director.  She’s the one that I had the meeting with back on the 15^th about my Grievance.  ::rolls her eyes::  Yeah, and we are JUST NOW getting around to talking with Alexia?  Man, I should have just called the cops as soon as I was made aware that Alexia was telling the aides she was going to punch me in the mouth.  This is some serious bullshit.

But, it ends up that Alexia didn’t come to my campus at all today.  Totally fine by me.  We got Karina, and we just adore her.  I seriously wish I could have her on my campus permanently. 

Onwards and upwards.