Overload

written: May 12th

The #CY365 photo prompt for today is “Currently Loving”:



I am currently loving my rose bush. It is on its second round of blooming. And I am currently loving this feather I found on my walk with Josey earlier.

I have been hearing a lot recently about Sensory Overload. And honestly, the more I hear about it, the more I feel it applies to a lot of my anxiety.

Take today for instance. The Music Teacher is spearheading a talent show for the elementary school I have my after school program at. And she didn’t tell me that she would be practicing in the cafeteria (our home base) today. The extra 20 students that it brought into the cafeteria at the most chaotic time of our program – right at dismissal, so we’re trying to account for all the students we’re supposed to have and get them snack and whatnot. And given that even though this Music Teacher is a great music teacher, she FUCKING SUCKS ASS when it comes to managing her students. So on top of supervising all of my students, tracking down three students that didn’t show for the after school program (luckily, their parents just suck at letting me know they would be picking them up after school), AND that I was a person short because Carli wasn’t there today….so yes, on top of all that chaos, I am ALSO having to coral HER fucking students. I am having to tell me they cannot interact with my students (that’s a MAJOR policy of our after school programs), that the after school program’s snacks are NOT for them, and neither are our supplies or games. Like seriously? Not only am I having to take care of the 20 students that are MINE, but I’m also having to watch HER 20 as well? FUCK THAT NOISE.

And used to I would chalk that up to them buggering up my “schedule” without at least giving me a heads up. Typically, if they give me a heads up, I can mentally prepare myself for the monkey wrench it will inevitably throw into my plans. But the more I look into sensory overload, the more it makes sense. I can handle my normal level of chaos. Working with children, you HAVE to be able to function in a certain level of chaos. But once it goes outside of those standard parameters? I turn into a the biggest bitch, snapping and snarling.

Needless to say, I’ve gone ahead and emailed said Music Teacher, suggesting that she has another teacher or a parent there with her. She needs to be able to focus on helping the students on their performances, but there HAS to be someone else there to manage the rest of her pack. And I’ve asked for her to let me know the days and times her group will be in the cafeteria so that I can plan around it. If nothing else, I will know what days I will need to stop by the liquor store (I pass it EVERY day on the way to work), and grab a bottle of tequila and need to just zone out after that day at work.

It just sucks because I keep looking at pages of information on sensory overload, trying to find new coping mechanisms that I can employ to keep the overload from being too much…and all the techniques offered are ones I cannot do at my job.

Like leaving the situation that is causing the overload. Yeah, can’t leave my students unsupervised.

Or resting a lot before the stressful day. Yeah, can’t do that if the fucking bitch doesn’t let me know until I’m right there in the thick of it.

Avoiding the situation that causes the overload? Yeah, can’t do that either.

I already have the decompression time worked into my day. I typically get home around 7 pm and my husband gets home around 9 pm. So I have 2 hours to just rest, relax, and veg the fuck out. And the setting limit is one that I’m working on – hence the email to the Music Teacher, setting up expectations (that she’ll have someone to manage her group of students, that she will remind her students that the after school program students and items are NOT there for them, and that she will tell me what days and times she will be in the cafeteria in the coming weeks). Hopefully next week won’t be this shitty.