Wheeee with the Crazies

written: January 31st

Today I met the new Psychiatrist…..and I really like her.
The first meeting is always the roughest, as you have to dredge up every terrible, sensitive thing in your past to lay the groundwork for a good doc-patient relationship. But yeah, it always runs me emotionally ragged.

I did share with her my questioning being labeled bipolar…but she had me do another mood disorder questionnaire…to show me that I am indeed bipolar. She’s labeling me Bipolar II – so I don’t have the drastic, destructive mood swings of Bipolar I. AND she dropped the bombshell that I also have quite a few Borderline Personality Disorder traits…not that I AM Borderline Personality Disorder…just that I have some of the traits. Which makes sense, given how similar BPD is to Bipolar. Yay. So…she’s putting me on lithium. It’s a low dose…and I go back next week to check in. So wish me luck.

Thankfully the medicine is CHEAP – a month’s supply is less than $10. Which is good. Because I’m paying the full amount on the office visits…because I have a deductible to meet before my insurance starts paying on that. Which reminds me, I should call my insurance and see what that deductible is and if it’s separate from my “regular” health one. Hopefully they are one and the same.

Meeting between Esmeralda, Alexia, and I happened today. I felt like it was a very productive meeting and I knew that Alexia would be hurt/angry/upset the rest of the day, but I hoped it would clear up the confusion, solidify the expectations and set the groundwork for a better work relationship. Apparently, I’m fucking delusional on all of that. She was out talking to two of the other aides on the playground about how she was going to just quit and not give us a heads up because “she couldn’t stand coming to work when all she wants to do is punch her boss in the mouth every day”. Didn’t we just have a 20 minute conversation on PROFESSIONALISM??? ::shakes her head:: And knowing her, she not only said these things in front of the other staff, but in front of the students as well.

So I emailed Esmeralda about it. I won’t tolerate this level of insubordination and I certainly won’t tolerate her threatening physical violence against me. And add in the fact that she talks constantly about her Borderline Personality Disorder and that she routinely goes off her meds whenever she just can’t be bothered to take them? I do not want that fucking ticking time bomb on my campus.

So we’ll see how all of this plays out tomorrow. Wheeeeeee!