Re-centering

It’s always amazing how much better I feel coming OFF meds than I ever do while ON them.  All the medications I have tried thus far (and there are a TON of those), seem to make my symptoms worse.  But it’s a gradual worse…and I don’t realize how bad it’s gotten until I’m having to come off the medication for one reason or another.  Hell, with the way I’m feeling right now, and all the warning flags I keep seeing with my current psychiatrist….I’m tempted to just cancel my current appointment (March 14^th) and wash my hands of the whole thing for a while.  It’s not like I have the cash to just throw to the winds, which is what I feel like I’m doing currently.

Tomorrow is the International Polar Bear Day.  It’s a personal tradition of mine to rebless the cash I have on hand, along with the records from my savings account.  My goal is to see the wild polar bear migration in Churchill, Manitoba.  And it’s also a good day to set new goals and reaffirm the current ones.  I’m kicking around the idea of creating a new set of 101 Goals in 1001 Days list.

Breathing Room

written: February 25th

Finally a day with some sunshine!  It’s been about a WEEK of rain and cold, so this was a wonderful chance of pace.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love a good rainstorm.  But we are completely saturated here!  I’ve had to dump out the standing water in my planters (where the Lilies and Daffodils are) TWICE now.  ::shakes her head::  The ground just can’t absorb any more rain. 

I am currently reading The Girl Who Drank The Moon by Kelly Barnhill – it’s a Newbery Medal winner.  Worlds better than The Kingdom of Little Wounds, lemme tell ya!  I swear I’m still scarred by that damn book.  ::shudders::

This week, all I have due is my weekly posting plus two responses to my classmates’ postings in my Youth Lit class.  Of course, I still have the back log of book reviews I need to do, but I have a game plan for that and am sticking to.  I have zero assignments due in the Digital Citizenship class.  Hurray!  So hopefully I can work on getting a little bit AHEAD in that class.  How nice would THAT be?  ::laughs::

Productive-ish

written: February 24th

I was pretty damn productive today.  I wrote up my “Story Time” paper for Youth Literature AND have written 2 of the 7 book reviews required for the class as well.  I would have had THREE done, but apparently I chose the copy of Jumanji that is in SPANISH.  ::sighs::  So I’ll need to pick up an ENGLISH version of the book and read it for my book review.  I’ve even gone as far as to plan out when to post each of the reviews, because if I post them all at once, then I get a big, fat ZERO for the grade.  ::sighs::  AND I’ve already selected the books I’ll read for the next 8 through 15 reviews I’ll need to do over the course of the rest of the semester.  I am hoping to get all of THOSE books read over Spring Break and get the book reviews written.  Then all I have to do is post them in the correct order and time, and I’m good to go on that major assignment.

My shrink finally called me today – due to the itchiness and hives, she is cutting me back to just one Lithium a day until we can meet.  She doesn’t want me quitting cold turkey, but she definitely doesn’t want me to stay on it too much longer.  Yay Lithium poisoning.

I dunno.  The more I sit here, going over the various things she jumps to conclusions on and lectures me on…the less I really want to continue down this path.  I’m tempted to just call my general doctor and tell her I have a crazy idea.  I want to test out some ADHD medication – because I suspect I have ADHD and chronic depression.  So many of the “bipolar” symptoms are very similar to “ADHD” symptoms.  And given how I keep having adverse reactions to all the bipolar medication…that I have to ask – Am I even bipolar?  And I should be able to tell quickly if the ADHD medication is helping.  Either way…it will have to wait, because I’m all tapped out of money until the 1^st of the month.