1st Day

written: August 15

Photo 137/1001



Artwork on a pen pal letter I received today.

Man, I fucking crashed HARD last night. A few days back, I made a post on Facebook that while I knew a lot of my friends were friends with my psycho-Ex, I did not want to hear any updates about him, unless it was to say he was in jail. I did this because Keith messaged me a few days back asking if I had seen Ken because he was “ripped” now. Side note: Keith was a fatty when I dated him.
Now, what the fuck possessed Keith to ask me that, I will never understand. Keith knows a lot of the shit that Ken did. Not all, but a lot. And so he KNOWS how much I hate Ken. So to ask that? Like, what the fuck man? I ended up messaging him later on and asking him if he was in contact with Ken and if so, to please NOT give him my address (since Keith knows where I live). Keith was shocked that I was legitimately that scared and didn’t want Ken to have any of my contact information.

And so, of course, a few people of reached out to verify, as I refused to name Ken on my post because I don’t want it getting back to him. Because with him, ANY attention brings him sniffing around again. And I’m FINALLY clear of him. He hasn’t reached out to me in about 3 years now, and I’m grateful for that.

But with people reaching out, it’s kind of had me reliving a lot of the shit Ken did. He was never physically abusive. He raised his hand in anger to me one time. But he said the look in my eye when I balled up my fist, took a step forward, and dared him to hit me – scared him too much to ever think of hitting me. Which is a blessing. Because all the psychological shit? Yeah that’s left some serious scars that still haven’t healed. Man, I was ugly crying in bed, hating it all. It seems like I will never be free of him. And I’m stressed and tired.

So I’m planning this weekend to on a trip to the zoo. I would love to go hiking out at the Nature Center, but the heat index will be above 100 this weekend, so that is out. But a good zoo trip. I need to go spend time there, just focusing on the photography. I need go chat with the Harpy Eagles.

In other news, today was a pretty good first school day. Other than a snafu with the touch screen computer suddenly deciding it just didn’t want to work on the WiFi, it wasn’t a terrible day. My staff seems to be working well together and Megan (my newbie aide) seems to be willing to step up and jump right in. And that’s a great skill to have. I had to call Tommy (the creeper Tech) and he had to come down and fiddle with the computer for about 25 minutes, but he did eventually get it to work and it was smooth sailing at that point for the rest of the day. Hopefully tomorrow will be an even better day!