Pulling the Pin

I swear, I have Battered Woman Syndrome with Starbucks right now.

I knew that most likely we would go to Starbucks tonight.  I needed to pick up my tips for the week and check on next week's schedule.  So it would have been the perfect time to drop off my letter of resignation, stating Dec 1st as my last day.

And yet, all day, I debated if it really was THAT bad.  Or if I should stick it out until Dec 16th.

And it turns out, Shands fucked up the schedule for next week the EXACT SAME WAY HE FUCKED UP THIS WEEK'S SCHEDULE.

Sure, this week's schedule was a fuck up.  And we had this huge text battle for two days about it.  And then finally talked about it in person.  I was planning to tell him that day that Dec 1st would be my last day there.  But he was so damn apologetic and submissive and all around pathetic about it, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  I felt like it would be on the same level as kicking a puppy in the face.

And you know what?  I should have football punted that bitch right then and there.

There is no way this is another "honest" mistake on his part.  We fought for TWO DAMN DAYS about it and I text him the SPECIFIC DATES I needed off.  And I stressed to him that in November, I have zero wiggle room for anything.

And he screws next week's schedule up the EXACT same way.  That is NOT an honest mistake.  That is a goddamn choice.

So thank you Shands, for reaffirming that I need to drop this job like a nasty habit.  I need to wash my hands of it right the fuck now.  There is NO way I can tolerate another month of this constant bullshit. 

Thank you Shands, for giving me the motivation to write my resignation letter and to turn it in tomorrow.

I am so incredibly done.

This is not the month to mess with me.  On the 23rd I go for my yearly gynecological visit.  And while that is stressful enough in and of itself...it's also when I face my yearly fear of cancer and am reminded of my own sexual assault.  So yeah, to say I'm on edge, is an understatement.

I was date raped.  The guy got away with it scot-free because I waited so long to say something to the police.

Turns out, fucker not only raped me, but he gave me HPV.  And of the hundreds of strains of HPV out there....I got one of the more aggressive cancer-causing strains. 

In 2010, I had a LEEP procedure (that did NOT go according to plan) to cut out a pre-cancerous lesion off my cervix.  And every year since then, I have to go back and get rescreened.  And the week after the gyno exam, I am a basketcase of nerves....hoping and praying that I do NOT get a phone call from the gyno.

See, if everything is ok, I'll get a letter from them about two weeks after the exam.  If everything is NOT ok, I get a phone call around 3 days after the exam. 

And it doesn't matter that since 2010, I've had nothing but normal PAP results.  I always live in fear that I'll get that phone call, and I'll have to go through that nightmare all over again.

So yeah, Starbucks is pretty low man on the totem pole here.  I don't have any more energy at this time to even give a shit.  Just gotta put the pin on this and walk away from the explosion.