Classes, Crickets & Bats

written: Oct 28th

Alright, so I have officially registered for my two GRADUATE classes. Now the panic has officially set it. ::laughs:: My brain is screaming “what the HELL did we just sign up for?” Oye. I’m sure I’ll ask myself that multiple times between now and when I finally finish the damn degree. Onwards though! Always onwards.

There is a slight confusion though. I was pretty sure that both classes I signed up for were web-based, but the INFO 5000 says that it meets on Tuesday nights. While I could make that work, I would rather not lose 2 hours of work each Tuesday. I’m already cutting out working at Starbucks, so I won’t have that extra monetary cushion. I’ve sent an email to my advisors asking for clarification. Hopefully there is an online one that I can so, so I’m not losing so much time off my paycheck. Just gotta keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best!

Elizabeth E. (an old high school buddy) had shared over the summer about her feeding crickets to her Youth Group and I KNEW I just had to do that with my students. I picked up four boxes of Crick-ettes at the Abilene Zoo the last time I was down there. I had NO idea they would be such a huge hit with the kids. Seriously, I had students that were UPSET because they didn’t get a cricket! ::laughs:: I should have know better! But I’ve found a place I can order them on-line for about half the price. And the website has a Bacon & Cheddar flavored ones (we only had Salt & Vinegar and Sour Cream & Onion flavored crickets).

And because I know inquiring minds want to know....yes, I did indeed eat a cricket. Two actually – one of each flavor. And honestly, they weren’t that bad. Very dry and flaky, but not horrible tasting. So yeah, the plan is to purchase more next month – and hopefully each of my students that want to try a cricket can. ::chuckles:: That should cut down on the whining! ::grins and winks:: I’m going to have to remember to do this each year around Halloween. I think it would make for a great fun “tradition” at the After School Program.

I like making silly little traditions like this. In October we also decorate bats. I trace a bat outline on cardstock and then the students are allowed to decorate them however they please. I’ve got all sorts of Marvel superhero based Bats, along with some Pokemon ones and even a Texas A&M one. ::laughs:: The kids just love it and look forward to it each year. I think I may try to figure out something similar to that to do for each month.

Change

written: Oct 26th

To Do:

* register for classes

* finish the NaJoWritMo challenge

* carve the pumpkin and roast the seeds

* celebrate Samhain

* decide if I'm making an appointment with my doctor about continuing my sleeping meds

* Full Moon celebration

So apparently I have some "Hold" on my college account from way back in 2008 -- when I was thinking of getting a second bachelors in Photography.  I ended up not going because the University of North Texas's photography program was terribly out of date (ONLY taught analog photography, NO digital at that point).  Only fitting it comes back to bite me now.  ::sighs::  So I will have to call the Registrar's Office tomorrow morning and hope it's an easy fix.  THEN I am just waiting on my Advisor to approve my two courses and I am golden.  ::laughs::  How many times have I said that, though?

I am having a slight Mid-Life Crisis (though, maybe it's just a late Quarter-Life crisis?).  I am a little snippy about working at Starbucks currently, at my age.  Mostly, I hate the judginess I feel from other people when they hear I am working two jobs -- and one of those jobs being a shitty-ass-barely-above-minimum-wage job.  ::sighs::  I am just tired of my "career" path as it currently stands (non-existent).

I am NOT disappointed in the 19 years I have done in child care.  I have loved the vast majority of it and I certainly love my students and will be quite sad when it comes time to leave them.  But I won't be a public teacher (and I have the utmost respect for those who do teach) so I am more than ready for a change of pace.  Not to mention I am ready to be earning paychecks along the lines of what my husband makes.  ::laughs::  Or at least, a LOT more than what I currently make!

Saturday Jabberings

written: Oct 24th

Damn, I just did not want to write at all.  I have avoided it like the plague since Wednesday.  The two jobs were just bat-shit insane and I am utterly wrung out.  And then all the rain and storms blew in from Hurricane Patricia.

Supposedly Hurricane Patricia is the largest ever recorded.  I certainly am glad I am nowhere near her path of destruction -- I am sure it is going to be terrible.  But I am grateful for the rain.  It is very soothing to my very exhausted spirit.

Starbucks boss Shands text me to remind me about our wonderful "mandatory" store holiday meeting this Wednesday.  I laughed out loud before deleting it.  Shands already knows I won't be at the meeting.  I figure right now, I would do best to fly under the radar with that job.  There's no sense in stirring the pot.  I figure I am so damn close to the breaking point, and if I am pushed once more, I am gone.

I submitted my schedule advisory form earlier today for Grad School.  Hopefully they will be quick at approving it.  I will be taking the first two of three required courses for the Master's program.  After that, I get to choose what classes I feel will be best for me.  I am so ready to get this damn show on the road.  I just hope this enthusiasm sustains me throughout this next semester.  I am sure it's going to utterly thrash me, but hopefully in a good way!

I am still plugging away at the genealogy stuff.  It's become soothing to check on the "Smart Matches" -- matches between individuals within my family tree and the same individual (most of the time) in other family trees.  I can then fill in the blanks that I may have for those individuals, plus find other relatives of that individual.  I am just loving it.  Currently my oldest documented relative was born in 1360!  It is staggering to realize I can trace back through a very twisted family tree to Rose, who was born 621 years BEFORE me!  AWESOME!

Kinana'skomitin

My dearest on-line buddy, Ray, shared the above photo and inspiration earlier this evening on FaceBook (guess it IS good for something....sometimes ::grins and winks::). And damn, did I EVER need to hear that?

I am so grateful that the Divine doesn’t give up when it appears I’ll never hear the message It is sending my way due to my own bone-headed-ness. I am grateful for the INFINITE patience Divinity continues to show me (along with the epic Bitch Slaps Upside the Head, that I MORE than earn). ::laughs::

I was walking Holly earlier and was all up in my head. As I approached the “Godzilla Acorn Tree” (as Kimberly dubbed it, upon seeing the MONSTER acorns that tree produces), I immediately thought to myself, “I better wake the fuck up before I get beamed by one of those acorns again.” And sure enough, a Godzilla acorn fell a few feet in front of me. ::laughs::

Again and again and again, I am being shown the message that while all this crap matters in this single moment, on the grand scale of things....it does not matter.

Sure, I hate working at Starbucks. And most of the time, it’s borderline abuse. But I have my Liberation Date in mind (December 16th), and only have 21 more work shifts until that Liberation Date. When I didn’t have the Liberation Date, and that job was just stretching on until eternity…it just made life so much worse. But with the end date in sight…and that I’ve even begun my count down to it…I can survive this. And in the end, the extra $700 or so, that I’ll earn between now and then? That will pay for a repair I need done on my car. THAT is why I’m still going. And honestly, in 5 years, none of this will matter. All of it will have faded like a bad dream that I can easily put behind me.

Yes, I am hating having to jump through so many hoops for college. But guess what? I AM GOING TO GET MY MASTERS DEGREE. What are a few hoops in the grand scheme of THAT? I am waiting for Department Approval so that I can register for the two classes I want. And then I will probably still be waiting for Financial Aid to get its butt in gear. But, while that all sucks right now in the moment, I know once I cross those hurdles, it’ll all be ok. Classes will be a whole ‘nother bear, but, hey. One hurdle at a time, please!

Tonight is the Full Hunter’s Moon and she is GLORIOUS. I opted to pamper the shit out of myself. I used a nice hair mask, so I know my hair is going to be gorgeous and soft and not all over the place tomorrow and the next day. I busted out the aromatherapy sugar scrubs from Bath & Body Works and lathered up, neck to feet. And now, I’m sitting here, basking in the glow of a happy body that smells like mint. So relaxed.

And another cool thing that I can thank Ray for....when I posted this original photo, the first word that sprang to my mind was the Lakota “pilamaya” – simply, a deep, heartfelt thank you. Which then got me to thinking…why use the Lakota word when I’ve found proof that I have (very distant) Cree ancestors? Why not use THEIR word? So I went looking for what it would be…and I found on YouTube, A First Nation’s Language Speak Circle for the Plains Cree language. I don’t know if there is a major difference between the Plains Cree dialect and the Swampy Cree (my Ancestors), but I thought, “How awesome is it that I can learn a least a piece of the language?”

So thank you, Ray, for sharing the message that you admit you needed to hear as well.
Thank you for that, because it brought about a shift I needed today.
It reminded me of Hawk’s continuous message to me – You have to let go of the bull shit that is weighting you down if you ever plan to take to the skies.
And because of all of this, I have found some YouTube tutorials on the Cree language.

So Ray, kinana’skomitin.
(means I thank you in Cree)

Arrogance

::curls up into a tiny little ball::  Oh my god. When will I ever learn to NOT tempt the gods with my arrogance and MOUTH????  Oy VEY!  I get so caught up in my own self-righteousness and arrogance, and thus Sekhmet walks straight up to me and bitch-slaps me mid-bragging-sentence.  Holy hell.  I think I have whiplash from this last one!

Ok, so Arrogant Wolf Part 1 -- I got all puffed up with myself while taking a shower Monday night.  Putting down others in my mind because they want to find "signs" and "lessons" in every little thing that occurs in their life.  Like they can't accept that sometimes, shitty things JUST happen.  And then I got to mentally mouthing off about the Fluffy Pagans and how seeing a coyote is not just seeing a coyote, but coming in contact with The Coyote (totem) and how it must mean something major!  And my arrogance steeped over into the whole "oh but I don't do that.  I know when a coyote is just a coyote.  It's awesome to see one, but not every single thing has some deeper meaning." 

Tuesday driving home, I was sitting at a stop light waiting for it to turn green, when some movement caught my eye.  A red-tailed hawk had flown up to a telephone poll about 15 feet away from me.  So I'm sitting there just enjoying the hawk, and she dives down, looking like she's going to fly directly into my car, before opening her wings at the last minute and soaring inches above the top of my car.  Seriously, if I had had my window down, I could have touched her as she soared over.  And the goosebumps that broke out all over my body and the way my heart leaped for joy in that moment?  Guess that was a sign that sometimes (ok, a LOT of the time), I am chocked full of bullshit.  So while I may not be doing for any deeper meaning in the moment, I cannot deny that the moment was profound.  And on the heels of that realization, I could hear a soft, but undeniable chuckle in my ear from Sekhmet.

And Arrogant Wolf Part 2 -- I decided that I'm going to work at Starbucks until December, but once January started, I was the fuck out of there.  I made all these great justifications for staying in this incredibly shitty job.

And I damn near walked out today, while flipping them off, and telling them to go fuck themselves. I've put up with a lot of abuse, a lot of shitty managers (that can't manage to save their lives), a horrible cooperate structure, and not to mention pay that is a complete and utter JOKE, but there have only been a handful of days that I found myself standing in the back, debating if I was walking out in that moment or if I would suck it up.  And today?  I stood back there for a solid 10 minutes debating. 

I opted to stay.  But even now, an hour after my shift ended, I am still questioning that decision.  I'm sure that if I had a shift tomorrow, I would have walked.  But given that I don't go back until Sunday, gives me a bit of a breather.

So why do I stay?  The little extra money here and there is nice.  I won't deny that.  And given that I do have an end date in sight, gives me a bit more relief to soldier on through.  The employee discount is nice (30% off of everything), plus the free drinks and food item while I'm on my shift, AND the free pound of coffee every week are nice as well.  And the 401 (k) plan I have through them, Starbucks is currently matching my contribution dollar-for-dollar.  I'm putting in 20% of my paycheck currently, just to take advantage of that free money.  I'll need to talk to Fidelity soon to see what I need to do to protect that when I do quit Starbucks.

Damn Hippies

written: Oct 20th

Man, I have just coasted through this month.  I can't believe it's already the 20th.

I need to sit down and make a handful of goals to accomplish in November.  Before I know it, the year will be over, and other than getting into college, what have I truly accomplished?

Paula (a good friend) came out to my campus today at the after school program, to sub in for one of my aid's that's out for the month.  And we got to talking about me getting into grad school and how I'm hoping to be a librarian, though, if we were talking super dream jobs, I would love to work with historical manuscripts.

And she cut me off and said I should go for what makes me happy.  The money will come later.  And then asked honestly, how much money do I need to make?  And blah, blah, blah. 

I mean, I know she's coming from a good place.  And I know she only wants what is best for me, but I am so tired on the same standard Hippy answer.  I have coasted this far in life.  I am quite pleased with what I've accomplished on so little money.  But I'm ready for a change. 

Besides, she's still trying to convince me to come work at the Chinese school with her.  She wants me to teach English (like grammar and writing, not the actual language).  And while most of the time, I have no problem doing a job because it pays decently, I really, REALLY do not want to teach.  I can't explain it, but I just shudder at the thought of teaching.  Which is hilarious, given that I've been working in child care for almost 2 decades now.  ::shrugs::  But it is what it is, and I just don't want to do that at all. 

And then, add in, that it would be my THIRD job.  And that Saturdays are the ONLY day that I have 100% off to myself.  So yeah.  Thanks, but hell fucking no thanks.  ::laughs::

Starbucks Babble

written: Oct 19th

Shands (my Starbucks' boss) is a little less than pleased with me.  He scheduled everyone do to this store meeting for the "Holiday Promotion Info" for next Wednesday 5 pm - 7 pm, over in Carrollton.  Which, the location really isn't that big of an issue.  It's about 10 minutes from my apartment.  But the thing is, is that he's scheduled this meeting when I have my after school program job -- I don't get off until 6:30, and by that point, traffic makes that simple 10 minute drive into 20 (and that's being super optimistic).  So he's trying to convince me that I need to come in on a Saturday or a Sunday to do the store meeting instead.  It was so hard not to just blurt out "Well, it's not like I'm going to be here much longer" and just let the cards fall as they may.  Damn my strong work ethic. 

But seriously, I am not going in on one of my few days off to do this stupid meeting when I know I won't be there after December.  And seriously?  We have enough stuff to cover for our holiday crap to warrant a 2 hour meeting?  I highly doubt that.  So instead, I will just find convenient ways to wiggle out of those responsibilities.  Yeah, guess that work ethic isn't so strong after all.  ::laughs::

I completed my FAFSA today for financial aid for this Grad Degree I've been prattling on and on about.  It turned out to be WORLD'S easier than I thought it would be.  They just synced it up with my IRS tax return for last year and bam!  Two minutes TOPS and I was done and it was submitted.  I should know by the end of the week if I quality for anything.

THEN, on Monday (26th), I can officially register for classes for the Spring 2016 semester.  I mean, HOLY SHIT, this shit just got real!

And I got an email from the University saying to please understand that for every hour I take at the Graduate Level, I should anticipate four to five hours worth of weekly course work.  So, if I take two 3 hour courses (have to, to qualify for financial aid), I should expect to have anywhere from 24 to 30 hours of course work a WEEK.  Yeah, there's no way I could continue to work at Starbucks, my after school program, AND do that much Grad work.  I was kicking around the idea of working at Starbucks on Sundays (EASY shift) just to keep my free coffee perks and the employee discount, but that just sealed the deal for me.  Starbucks will be gone come January.  I still need to sit down and figure out exactly when my last day will be, and figure out when I need to let Shands know.  Man, I am so ready to cut ties with that job and leave.