2022 Tabula Rasa

The Tabula Rasa ritual is one of the very few rituals that I’ve done just about every year since 2003 (I think it was 2003, or maybe 2004). In it, I take stock of everything that has occurred for me over the year – the good and the bad and everything in between.

It’s easy to forget the highlights of the past year. And even some of the darkest points, I forgot about those as well. So going back through my journals, blog, and whatnot, it is good to stop and take stock in everything I have accomplished and/or endured over the past year.

And then....I wipe the slate clean for the new year. I leave all the negative shit in the past year, bringing forward my strengths and accomplishments to root me on in the coming year.

So yeah, 2022 was a shit year for the World.
But for me personally? It was a pretty damn good one.

I mean, sure, I had that suicidal period in June. And fights with my current boss. But honestly? On the whole, when I stop and really take stock? 2022 was a pretty damn good year for me.

I’ve put myself out there and tried new things. I’ve drawn my line in the sand and defended my boundaries. More and more, I am becoming so much more comfortable in my own skin.

So, onwards and upwards into 2023. I’m not “hoping” it will be a kinder, better year. I’m going to MAKE it a kinder, better year.

Ivory Tower

What’s this? TWO entries in one day? What is this insanity?

::laughs::

Eh, I gotta get this out because I’m getting keyed up again.

SO. The library branch I work at is closed for the next 3 weeks. The Higher Ups asked up what two branches we would like to work at while our branch was closed. I picked my Previous Branch (because I wanted to hang out and be snarky with Carly AND could possibly finally meet my adopted Grandma) or TG (because it’s closer to my house AND I know the manager and she’s friggin’ awesome).

Instead…the Higher Ups decided I should report to the Ivory Tower (what Carly and I call the Main Branch)......to the CHILDREN’S FLOOR. For those of you new to the story, I USED to be a children’s librarian. But their head honcho is a major cunt and I ended up switching over to a “regular” librarian AND leaving my Previous Branch. The last thing I want to do is go work on the Children’s Floor at the Ivory Tower. Plus, it’s not like I was really asked. Well, they SAID I could say no....but the way they said that really meant don’t you dare refuse.

So yeah, I get to drive 40 minutes, one goddamn way, IF the traffic is playing nice (which it almost NEVER does), so that I can go work on the children’s floor, even though I am NOT a children’s librarian and haven’t been for almost a year. And I have made it ABUNDANTLY CLEAR to EVERYONE that I have ZERO desire to work with children in any capacity.

Oye, THREE WEEKS of this shit. ::sighs::

On the upside…one of my long time friends works close to the Ivory Tower and I haven’t seen him in AGES. So we are planning to do lunch at least once and catch up. But yeah, that’s about THE ONLY plus side.

::wanders off, continuing to grumble and bitch about this::

Border-Line Obsessive...

For the past few months now, I’ve been dreaming of my First Crush at least once a week.

And I friggin’ hate it now. I mean, what’s the point? Nothing ever happened between us. I was too chicken shit to say anything. Beyond terrified of rejection, not to mention reject by my First Real Crush.

I’m talking, heart-sick level crushing. Border-line obsessive.

And this was back in middle school and high school. AGES ago. I haven’t even seen him since I left my lil hometown to go to college in The Big City. So we are talking going on 20+ YEARS here. So why the fuck is he constantly walking in my goddamn dreams?

Well, I mean, I’d rather have him in my dreams than psycho-ex, so I guess there’s that benefit.

But it does NOTHING but bring up all that unrequited love feelings.

I will admit, a while back, I did find his wife’s FaceBook profile and scoured through their photos until I could find ones of him. And lemme tell you, he has changed a LOT. But I could immediately tell it was him. (I did mention the border-line obsessive, right?). I ended up blocking her account JUST so I wouldn’t continue to essentially STALK him. ::sighs::

Sometimes it seriously sucks being a friggin’ Scorpio.

NoJoMo #4: What does your typical holiday meal consist of?

NoJoMo #4: What does your typical holiday meal consist of?

Depends.  What holiday are we talking about?  Because what I eat for Easter is different than Valentine's Day which is different from Christmas, which is different from my birthday.  And yes, my birthday IS a holiday for me.  Anyone else that would like to join in on the festivities, this year it begins Nov 10th (my actual birthday) and lasts until Nov 14th.

I will be trying out Tommy Tamales.  I've been following them on Facebook for a year or so, but haven't made it over to try their tamales out just yet.  The photos of their Smothered Tamales never fail to make me drool.  Two tamales (your choice of chicken, beef, vegetarian) smothered in chili and queso.  Oh hell yeah, gonna FEAST on that amazingness.  And since it's my birthday, I'll snag sushi at some point.  Gotta have my yearly dose of all the unagi I can eat.

And then, since it's on my mind, I need to start gathering up all the items I need for New Year's Day meal.  Black-eyed peas, cornbread, greens, and pork are all required items.  Which, I have a recipe that makes a KICK-ASS dip out of the black-eyed peas.  Like, I personally HATE black-eyed peas and would gag down one SINGLE spoonful each New Year's Day.  But this dip, I've made multiple times throughout the year and gladly eat all the black-eyed peas, it is so good.  I'll have to find that recipe and share it.

And for all the rest of the holidays?  Breads and cheeses are the only common thing in all of them.  ::shrugs::  What can I say, I'm a simple girl at times.

Now, ritual days are different.  There's usually wine of some sort or pomegranate juice.  And then as far as food goes, I have a fried honey cake recipe I typically use.  Or fruits, breads, and cheeses.  Seriously, I love me some good bread and cheese.  ::chuckles::

NoJoMo #3: Share your favorite joke

NoJoMo #3: Share your favorite joke.  The sillier, the better!

Eh, I don't really tell jokes?  I mean, my husband and I say things in the moment that are hysterical, but actual jokes?  No, not so much.

So instead, I will recommend that you go watch Sheena Melwani on Facebook and all the clips between her and her father.  Friggin priceless.  And that will give you PLENTY of fabulous dad jokes to last you a good long while.

NoJoMo#2: Your goals for this month

NoJoMo #2: Your goals for this month.

Well, I am so glad you asked! ::chuckles:: This just so happens to be my birthday month, and it is my personal tradition to create a list of birthday goals....one for each year I’m celebrating. So this year, beginning Nov 10th, I will begin on my 41 Goals for my 41st Year. I ALSO set up a goal bingo for each month in my Bullet Journal.

Here’s the photo of that spread for November:

The ones partially highlighted, are ones that are currently in progress. As I complete the goal, it gets fully highlighted as a Win.

NoJoMo #1: Your Self Portrait

So apparently there is a NoJoMo going on right now (November Journal Month) with prompts! So I’m going to work my way through those prompts as well this month.

Prompt #1: Your Self Portrait

A blazing fire, roaring and crackling
Lupine eyes in the night
Fangs and fur and talons galore
Serpent’s venom on her tongue

Breezy and free
Untamed
Artist’s brush upon her breath
Running for the love of it

Moonlight pouring
Down a silver blade
Pomegranate juice and blood
Dancing with the Harpies

Just a woman
But more than “just”
Dangerously brittle
And beguiling fierce

Pull and pulse
Waning
Growing
Universe in her words

Wolf and Woman
Serpent Lady
Child of the Lioness
Me

Hmm, didn’t anticipate a poem to come through. Been ages since I’ve written in verse and I’m a bit rusty. But you know, that just adds to the charm.

In less poetic form, who am I? I am Manitou Wolf, She Who Walks with Wolves.
I am a 6 foot tall Amazon. I speak softly and carry a big stick. And be forewarned, my bite is a thousand times worse than my bark.
I am a Scorpio through and through. Scorpio sun sign. Scorpio rising sign. So I won’t be changing anytime soon. Though, I am in a constant state of transformation.
I am a Texan, though not overly proud of my state. I am descended from Ukrainians, Scots, Danes, Cree, and British. There are Witches and Seers in my lineage. And there are the less desirables there as well – Klan and Confederates – and others I’m sure.
I am Neurodivergent. I’m bipolar, major depressive, anxious, and most likely on the Spectrum in some form. I’m highly creative, highly inquisitive, and love nothing more than to research things that pique my interest.
I am a Librarian. Should have been a Zoologist. But I’m finding my niche and working towards my dreams and desires. Like I said, always in transformation.
I am a Witch. I work with entities that most would tremble before or never approach in their dreams. I walk beside Sekhmet through the red desert. I turn skin and become the Wolf. I soar among the storms with the Harpies. And I call the Great Serpent kin. I am a Keeper of Spirits and a Curse Speaker. But my protection is beyond compare.
I am challenging and a Challenge. I am constantly knocking down my own barriers and walls. And then, I am known to panic and rebuild them in haste.
I am a tough nut to crack. But if you manage to win me over, know that I will go to the ends of the earth for you. Those I call kin and friend, I am you greatest cheerleader and champion.