Looking to the Future

Photo of the day:



New little sketchbook that was on sale at Staples. Given than one of my 101 Goals in 1001 Days (which is currently under light revision) is to draw 200 Mandalas, I thought this would jump start that creativity once more. I’m not normally a fan of the pinks, but this had a nice watercolor effect of blues, pinks, and purples. And for less than $7, I couldn’t pass it up! And, given that tomorrow is the last day of school, I felt I had fucking EARNED something nice.

So this is the last day of May. Hard to believe I’m now 6 months into this year. This year seriously has just flown. Damn, tomorrow begins the month of JUNE. Like holy cow! ::laughs::

Tomorrow is the BIG day. The last day of school. The fucking loooooong ass day. And it turns out, Carli won’t be able to be there…just like she wasn’t there today. ::sighs:: Don’t get me wrong. I do like my high school aides. It’s just that Carli has been ridiculously flaky this semester. We only work 180 days TOTAL….and she’s been absent 24+ days. ::shakes her head:: Just really sucks. And then Ricky is planning to leave early tomorrow, at 2 pm. Honestly, that will hinge on how the day is going at that point. Hopefully, since we did our End of the Year Party today, the kids won’t stick around tomorrow. So hopefully, the day will be low-key and low enrollment. If so, then yeah, Ricky should be able to leave early. Gods, I hope so.

And even after all of that, after the last kid leaves, I still have to gather up the year’s paperwork and take all of that over to the main office to drop it all off. Only THEN do I get to clock out and be officially done with this school year. And holy fuck, I am so ready to be DONE with this damn school year. And you better believe the summer full moons will be solely focused on attracting the RIGHT aides to my campus for the 2017-2018 school year. I’ll need to come up with a list of traits I require for my staff, and work that into a nice little spell. I’m thinking some sigil work would be good as well for this. I’ll certainly need to delve into this a bit more before June’s full moon.

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PURPLE!!!

I FINALLY DID IT!



I got purple put in my hair.



And this is a HUGE deal because ever since I started working at age 15, I have always worked for places that outright banned “unnatural” hair color. So I never really had the opportunity to have some fun with my hair. The best I ever got was when I went red for a few years in high school (much to my Mom’s dismay ::laughs:: ).

But I decided that this summer was a Summer of ME. And given that I’m working in the warehouse for technology, I figured this would be the best way I could slide on the whole “no unnatural hair color” rule. ::chuckles::

So yes. I’ve got the bottom 4 inches of my hair dyed a deep plum purple. And honestly, half the time, you can barely tell. I had to work hard to finally get photos that show that my hair is actually purple.
Tracy, the hair dresser who did this awesome job, also put in two stripes just under my part. I elected not to bleach those, so it’s just the purple on my natural hair color. And the way it mostly blends in? The way I have to LOOK for them, even though I know they are there…has me really tempted to do a “halo”. Tracy says a number of the teachers do that. So I’m thinking I may do that once school starts back up. Put a halo of purple all the way around. Kind of like having a tattoo. Or wearing super sexy panties under a dress….or not wearing anything at all. A fun little rebel secret. It’s a fun way to thumb your nose at The Establishment without risking my job. ::chuckles:: Honestly, I would love to put in a halo of red…that devilish streak of mine is shining through. Tracy says the red she uses is purple based, instead of pink based, like most of the red dyes out there. That way I could avoid that whole red-that-fades-into-pink, as I’m NOT a fan of pink.

But oh the possibilities! I could easily get my lavender. Or turquoise. Or red. Or blue. Or all of the above.

Summer Time Dreams

written: May 29th

Photo for today:



I call it “Hocus Pocus Chaos”. This is the part of my art table closest to my altar. And it seems to be the catch all for all things Pagan that aren’t ON the altar currently, or in the shelves below the altar. Needless to say, I need a MASSIVE clean out of both the shelves under the altar and the art table as well.

And honestly, I know I need to do a deep clean of my entire room and bathroom. Once the school year ends (Thursday), I should have some breathing room once again. During the summer, I work Monday – Thursday, so every weekend will be a three-day weekend for me. So HOPEFULLY, I should be able to accomplish some of these goals.

Which reminds me, I need to finalize my summer time goal list. I’m putting a lot of fun things, little things that I can do. I just need a bit of fun right about now. I need to destress and decompress and just relax this summer before diving back into another school year with my students AND my own studies as well.

And I really need to figure out if I will be trying to land one of the paid internships at the Smithsonian Institute of the American Indian or if I’ll simply volunteer at one of the local libraries. I have to do so many hours work at an actual library as part of my degree. Personally, I would LOVE to do 10 weeks up at the Smithsonian, but I’m not sure I can financially swing that just yet. So I need to sit down and hammer out what it would cost me to do that, because that would be an amazing dream come true.

So the dreamer in me screams for me to shoot for the moon here and see if I can get on at the Smithsonian, no matter what it costs, because the EXPERIENCE would be wicked awesome. And it would look so good on my resume. But the realistic in me worries that it will put me in a bind.

Hmm, if nothing else, I could at LEAST apply, right? If I get it, then I will work out the logistics. And if I don’t, then by all means, I get volunteer at a local library.

Shifting

written: May 28th

Photo for the day:



My adorable, sleepy, derpy-ass dog. ::laughs::

It’s been a relatively quiet Sunday. A quiet rain in the morning. Crows cackling at dusk. This life certainly may not be perfect, but damn, it’s good most of the time. And honestly, I like it. With its ups and downs and its whirlwind aspects…I still am content. And it’s days like this that remind me what the stress and the struggle is all for. It’s for this life, that is mine. Wholly mine.

Dreamt last night of my paternal grandfather – Gigi. He’s the Ukrainian, and he passed back in 2000, I think it was? But in my dream, we were all together….and we were all lycanthropes. Shifting back and forth between human and wolf, seamlessly. I remember him making eye contact with me, smiling, and nodding his head, that he was proud of me. I’m not sure what to make of the dream. In my waking life, I don’t have a lot of memories of Gigi. He (along with almost all of my dad’s side of the family) lived in Canada, and so, I didn’t see a whole lot of him. I don’t have strong feelings about him either way. Though, I do love dreaming of being a lycanthrope…or even full wolf. Those dreams, I am the happiest in.

I’ve been reading “A Witch Alone” and honestly, it’s gotten a lot better. ::laughs:: I just had to get past the whole “oh this will make your life so much better” fluffy part, but I’m glad I kept reading. I’m starting to enjoy it. ::chuckles:: On some topics, it departs from the “standard” Wiccan philosophy I’ve learned over the past two decades. So I’m curious to see what the rest of the book has in store.

Recluse

written: May 27th

Photo for the day:



I’m trying to get a photo that captures just how long my hair currently is. In this photo I have it pulled back into a high ponytail, and even draping it over my shoulder it still hits me about waist level. If I leave it down, it brushes my butt crack – and yes, that means I have to make sure to move it out of the way before going poo. ::laughs:: Eh, I don’t feel like this photo does it justice though. I guess I’ll just have to get Tracy (the hair stylist) to take a before and after photo of my hair. I’m planning to cut 4 to 5 inches off before bleaching and purpling (is that a word? Well it is now!) 3 to 4 inches. Only a few more days!

The Hubs and I stayed in and completely vegged the fuck out today. It was SO nice. We even took a nap. I know, what wild people we are! ::laughs:: But seriously, I am so grateful for a low-key day.

I swear, the older I get, the worse my introversion and my social anxiety get. The older I get, the less willing I am to “play nice” and tolerate other people’s innate bullshit. I crave more solitude, deeper connections, but with less people. ::chuckles:: I can see myself totally becoming a recluse in my old age. Just me and David sitting on the porch, screaming about kids on our lawn. ::dies laughing:: Maybe I’ll also be a nudist at that point. ::grins toothily:: That’ll keep ‘em away from my home.

Feline Deities

Photo for today:



Leviathan FINALLY shed….at 8 am this morning. ::sighs:: So yeah, listening to a snake shed…it’s very crinkly…like a plastic bag. ::chuckles:: So needless to say, I’ve been awake due to that…much earlier than I intended.

Hazel called me today. I had missed that crazy chick. And it was really nice to catch up on everything. She’s been on one hell of a whirlwind roller coaster. Man, she’s seriously had her trial by fire in the past year or so. But damn, she’s done so much growing in that time as well. And she is setting down some serious foundation for the life she wants to build for herself. Hopefully, we can get back into doing ritual once again. She definitely wants to incorporate more movement/drum/dance/etc. which I’m down with. Let’s do this shit! ::laughs::

Hazel told me the best thing to come out of the previous year (2016 was a major kick in the teeth for her), was that she got to meet me. Awww. I really do like that lil Leo Lady. She’s definitely a firecracker and a nut and a half, but I think she’s balancing back out. She just had so much shit heaped on her for all of 2016 and part of 2017 that she didn’t know which way was up or down. But she seems to be getting her feet back under her and she seems so much stronger now. More focused. Less deer-in-the-headlights.

But then again, when Goddess takes you through your own personal Descent into the Underworld and you have to face each of your own personal demons and the dark shadows of your own personality? When you not only have to face them, but to embrace them as well? Yeah, you go a bit stark-raving mad for a while. But once you embrace the healing and growth that it brings you? Fuck, you are unstoppable. And that’s where I see her right now. She isn’t full out of the Underworld just yet. But damn, she’s a beast clawing her way back up. A true phoenix.

Seems Bastet has laid full claim to Hazel. And Hazel is getting to know the quirks of being claimed by an Egyptian Feline Goddess. People seem to believe Bastet, being a domestic cat, is all cuddles and sweetness. They seem to forget that cats have never lost their untamed edge. And even though Bastet is a far gentler Goddess than my own beloved Sekhmet, Bastet is still quite fierce in her own right. So I’m curious to see what our deities have in store for us. I am a bit worried. ::chuckles:: Well whatever deity has in store, I know it will be fiery and scorching….but gorgeous in the end.

Thankfull Thursday #21

written: May 25th

Photo for the day:



Cute little owl stamp on a postcard I received from Latvia through Postcrossing.

I am thankful…
1. For one of the best work evaluations I’ve had in the 9 years I’ve been working for the after school program.
2. Getting to catch up with Lisa a bit at our End of the Year Luncheon for the after school program.
3. That all in all, my students have done really well with all the crazy going ons in our cafeteria – from talent show practices to parents setting up for the 5th grade graduation. Changes like that in our routine usually throw everyone for a loop, but honestly, they’ve kept it mostly together. ::laughs:: Wish I could say the same about myself!
4. Only FOUR days left in the school year and then we are out for summer break!
5. And only FIVE days until I get the purple put in my hair. FINALLY! This has been SO long in the making. I’m finally doing it and I’m ridiculously excited!
6. The pack of five crows that have claimed out little neighborhood as their turf. I love listening to them chatter among themselves, harass the dogs and cats in the area, and just generally be punks.
7. MoonTime was fairly gentle this time around.
8. Done with all the staff evaluations.
9. Being Pagan. I really have found my spiritual niche, and I’m quite happy with it.
10. Capt’n Crunch cereal! I love it.