Jars and Lizards

Today’s #CY365 photo prompt is “Texture”:



Here’s a shot of Frank, the Texas Spiny Lizard who resides in the front yard.

Yeah, so I tried my hand at the “Galaxy Jar” painting project. I wanted to try it out before turning it loose on 68 elementary students. ::chuckles::

Galaxy Jar Pre-baked:



Galaxy Jar Post-baked with a candle:



So yeah, not too shabby. But I definitely will add more water to the Modge Podge to make it thinner and less opaque. And the students will be allowed to add in glitter (if I have it on campus. I forgot to check on that on Friday). If nothing else, I have the jars, the Modge Podge, AND the food coloring, so why not do it? Besides, it will keep the students occupied AND be something nice to show off to my boss (that will also ensure she remains OFF my back for the rest of the school year).

We were supposed to go to the big guitar show in Dallas today. Man, I was NOT feeling it. Not after finishing my semester and wanting nothing more than to be a lump all weekend (I do believe I have MORE than earned that right). And definitely not with my anxiety still riding high from yesterday.
Thankfully, as it got closer to when we were supposed to leave, and he started looking at the parking situation (it was definitely going to a challenge), my husband decided that he didn’t want to go. Man, that a major weight off my shoulders. I just really don’t think I could handle the crowds there.

So instead, I changed the sheets on my bed – using my favorite ones now, the green sheets (shocker, as I’m not a fan of green) that are made of bamboo. Just love those sheets.

And Lil Miss Leviathan has been fed. She’s gone blue. So I need to do a bit of spot cleaning in her tank and then set up the humid hide for her. It really makes a world of a difference in how well she sheds.

I also finally picked up the spray in hair color for the two students that want to pay their Viking Bucks to color my hair. So one day this week I will have bright green hair and another day I will have orange hair. ::chuckles:: And I’m planning to pick up some temporary hair color for myself once the school year is over. I will have my purple hair this summer. Or I may have a professional bleach the tips of my hair and then dye that lavender. With that, I would just cut off the lavender once the school year starts up in August. ::chuckles:: We’ll see how wild I’m feeling once that liberation is upon me.

Panic

written: May 6th

Photo of the day:



Super sleepy Josey who destroyed David’s napping area to make it better and softer for her enjoyment. ::chuckles::

Well it’s been ages since I have been that close to a full blown panic attack, but damn, I came so damn close today at Wal-Mart.

I was already edgy because David decided that tomorrow we are doing to a huge guitar show in Dallas with our neighbors, Ken and Paula. See, this is why my husband shouldn’t be left at the house alone during the week. Yesterday, he saw Ken doing yard work and went over to tell him we were sorry we didn’t make the wedding. And Ken told David about this MASSIVE guitar show and David thought it would be awesome for us to tag along. ::grumbles::

And we are scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to food at the house, so there really is no way we could put off a trip to Wal-Mart. I was picking up two items on one of the aisles when I made eye contact with a man that I recognized, but didn’t know where I recognized him from. He recognized me as well, and spoke to me. And god, the panic and the fear that rose up in me. I’m not sure WHY. I know now that I know him from work. He’s the maintenance guy who trapped all the rats that were in my office due to the PTA’s food they were storing there.

But I couldn’t place him in the moment. And then my husband showed up with the cart and I wanted nothing more than to flee away from this guy (even though he did nothing wrong), and then this couple came up behind David and blocked us in.

Fear feels like a rabbit in my chest. It’s death scream was lodged in my throat and I couldn’t breathe because I knew if I opened up my mouth, it could come rushing out. And it was running around inside my chest, my heart racing to keep up. It’s been ages since I’ve been that close to losing it all. I just wanted to bolt and leave it all behind.

And now I’m home and am wanting to eat everything we have bought because we actually have FOOD in the house once again. It’s crazy. I’m not even hungry, but it’s the fact that it’s HERE. It’s an OPTION. I just want to stuff my face. ::laughs::

Liberty!

written: May 5th

Photo of the day:



A fun photo of a fun postcard I’m sending off to Germany. Nothing screams Texas like a whole bunch of flashy cowboy boots. ::chuckles::

So I am officially DONE with this semester. Woohoo! I turned in my final project for the Management class.

AND I got word that the professor for the Preservation class reviewed the terminology quiz – I currently had an 88. But after she reviewed it – a number of my answers were correct, just specifically worded the way she had for the quiz – and not only did I ACE the quiz, but I also won the extra credit points. So that 88 changed to 103!!!! Just waiting for her to put in the participation grade and I’m all done with that class. I’m currently sitting at a 96, but it would be nice if the participation grade bumps that up even more.

And I finally heard back from my advisor and I’ve been given the green light to register for my Fall Semester. I will be taking “Public Libraries” and “Archives and Manuscripts”.

Public Libraries class is about: Problems of organization and management of public libraries and urban/rural library systems; their resources, functions and services. Related municipal, regional and state information agencies and services. Federal and state programs; development and trends. Individual investigation of major issues and topics.

Archives and Manuscripts class is about: This course is an examination of the major organizing concepts which guide modern archival and manuscript practices. Students will utilize archival history and theory to understand the purpose of archives in society. Practices such as appraisal, arrangement and description, preservation, outreach, ethics and management will be examined in an archival context.

Both sound quite interesting to me. So I’ve got my fingers crossed!

Thankful Thursday #18

written May 4th

Photo of the day:



Hopefully, this is the last I’ll ever have to look at these two books. Granted, the “How to be a Great Boss” one was awesome and very easy to read. The budget one? Oh god, that was like pulling teeth.

I am thankful…
1. The semester is almost over. Just two more parts for the management class’s final project and then I’m home free.
2. Dinner from Jimmy Johns. Of the fast food places we could eat, it is definitely one of the healthier options.
3. Creating a little health and beauty ritual I’ve created around ensuring I take better care of myself. It seems to be working well for me and I hope it continues.
4. That Sandy contacted me first about the Summer Tech job. So I’m a shoe-in for the position for sure.
5. While doing research for part of the management class’s final project, I got to see that there is a wide array of library positions in the area at the moment.
6. Getting back on the elliptical yesterday. It was a hard run, but I’m glad I did it. Now I’ve just got to keep that ball rolling.
7. Excellent Beltane ritual on Tuesday. I actually really enjoyed myself, which is unusual because typically Beltane isn’t a top sabbat for me.
8. Finished up three seasons of “The 100” on Netflix – really good series. And we’ve begun “House of Cards” now, and we are really enjoying this as well.
9. This week is Teacher Appreciation Week, which means there has been a shit ton of free food and snacks at work all week long.
10. The simple pleasure of enjoying Starbucks’s Chai Latte (no water) and a warm butter croissant. Never fails to make my heart warm.

Manifestation

written: May 3rd

The #cy365 prompt for today is “For You” and I thought it would be a good time to photograph my Arfvedsonite palm stone that I got from Sage Goddess.



According to Sage Goddess, Arfvedsonite is THE stone for manifestation. So for the upcoming Full Moon (May 10th), I plan on charging it to aid in manifesting the money I require to do my Polar Bear trip. And it will then go into the Polar Bear box (where I charge the cash I have before I put it into the savings account), to aid in attracting the money I require.

I slept so good last night after my Beltane ritual. Guess I really needed that spiritual release. ::chuckles:: I’ve felt fairly mellow all day today. It’s been wonderful.

Especially given that two of my aides were out today – but at least I lucked out and got TWO subs! What witchcraft is this? ::laughs:: I almost never get subs. But, I got the bat shit crazy one (older lady that likes to stare at the sun and talk to it, when she’s supposed to be supervising children)…even though I’ve told my supervisor that this particular sub doesn’t do shit. This particular aid is just coasting until she can retire. And I get that. I really do. She’s put in a ton of years and has earned her retirement, but damn, she is just a waste of oxygen to have out on campus to “help”. Luckily, I also got Brady, and he seems to be really awesome. He’s been on my campus before and is so incredibly laid back and willing to jump in wherever you need him. He doesn’t act like any task is beneath him and that makes him super awesome in my eyes. I mean, yeah it sucks to help a student pick up a thousand crayons that they accidentally dumped out, but he just jumps in and acts like that is the core part of his job requirement. Just awesome all around.

Ok, so tomorrow I have to pull out all the stops and put the finishing touches on my last project for the Management class. I am so ready to put that in the rear-view and start enjoying the summer. Speaking of which, Sandy emailed me today to see if I was interested in the summer tech job again. That blew my mind, because I fully intended to email her once I got to work to let her know I was definitely interested if the position was open for this summer. I love how that synced up. I was going over in my head what I would write in my email…and then when I sit down and sign into my email account to start writing that email, there was an email from Sandy asking if I was interested. So of course, I told her she just beat me to the punch and that I was definitely interested. She’s thrilled and will hit me up with the details once it gets closer. Last day for the after school program is June 1st. So hopefully they’ll give me that Friday off and then the tech job would begin on June 5th. Last year they had us start the day after school ended, but I’m hoping that isn’t the situation this year. I really want that day off…especially given that the last day of school is a LONG one for me (11 am to 7 pm – no breaks). ::sighs:: Wish me luck! ::laughs::

Blessed Beltane

Blessed Beltane!



Given that I’m only a DAY late, I am feeling pretty damn good about myself. ::chuckles::

Beltane is a “big” sabbat – one all about the sex and naked dancing around the bonfires. ::grins and winks:: Hopefully by next Beltane, we’ll have our fire pit installed at the house. ::grins VERY big::
But to be honest, Beltane isn’t one of my favorite sabbats. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I enjoy my sex. But given that the husband and I are quite out of shape and my knees are terrible (really should break down and get an orthopedic surgeon to look at them and advice treatment) plus with as stressed as our jobs and my school work keep us? Yeah, sex isn’t happening all that much. And certainly not like it was when we first go together. ::chuckles::

So for me, Beltane this time around was more about rekindling the passions for life. My passion for photography, for writing poetry. And yes, a request for a rekindling of the passion with my husband was made (that hopefully I can make good on this weekend).

Beltane was also a chance for me to reaffirm my love for myself. I’m trying something new this month – a dedicated “beauty” ritual each night. Maybe more of a health ritual? I dunno. I’m sticking with beauty. I have my candle from Ostara that smells wonderful, but since I’m rarely up in my room for long periods of time, I haven’t had a chance to really burn it down. So last night I thought, “Why not light the candle in my bathroom while I wash my face and brush my teeth?” As loathe as I am to admit it, self-care on this level has been severely lacking in the past month. So maybe this will get me back on track. Plus it gives me an excuse to burn an amazing smelling candle. ::chuckles::

Back to Beltane. I used the Dragon’s Blood incense from HEM. I specifically chose this one as opposed to the Dragon’s Blood incense I have from Harvest Moon Haven because the HEM one has this earthy, musky MALE undertone to it. Like damn good men’s cologne. Man, it revs my engine, which made it perfect for this sabbat.



Antlers with the Beltane candle from the Mystics Realm.



While I was not impressed with the packing and the shipping charge…I do feel that the packaging didn’t rise to the $6 charge they put on it, but the candle itself is wonderful.

And my post-ritual selfies:



With my spear in the background.



I tried Casting the Circle with the spear this time around. It was a challenge given the reach that the spear has, it was still nice to have her in my hands. I think I may continue using the spear for this purpose even with the challenge it presents. And I KNOW she’d be AMAZING to Cast a Circle outside when that time comes.

I also played “Walpurgisnacht” by Faun. I absolutely ADORE this song, even though it is in German. And the beat of the music was wonderful to dance to and close the Circle with. I will certainly look to incorporating more music into my rituals from here on out.

Big Natural Wolf

written: May 1st

Photo of the day:



This is my newest addiction. Spicy Sweet Chili flavored Doritos. They are very similar to the Sweet Chili Shrimp we order at Red Lobster…but so much cheaper! ::laughs:: But seriously. You know these have to be delicious because I do NOT like spicy foods. But these? These I would eat by the POUND if I could.

So today is Beltane. And me, in typical fashion…I have zero desire to celebrate it today. Geez, that rebel streak isn’t a fad that I went through in my teenage years. Hell, ask my Mom and I was a rebel before I even came out of the womb. ::chuckles:: And I certainly don’t show any signs for giving that up any time soon. Gotta love that stubborn streak that is as big and as wide as the Grand Canyon itself. And who could blame me? A freaking Scorpio, with a Scorpio rising sign and an Aries Moon? Me, wild Texas woman, country raised, with the blood of Scots coursing through her veins? Me, a mesh of stubborn Scot, wild Irish, THREE different Native American tribes, and a whole bunch of Slavic blood? Yeah, calm and peaceful, I am NOT. Trust me, when I appear calm and peaceful….hold onto your butt. Shit’s about to go down. ::chuckles::

Sometimes, I wish I was more peaceful, more calm, more centered, more Zen. And at times, I latch onto the delusion that I SHOULD be all of that. That I should let go of the Rebel. Let go of the rabble-rouser. Let go of the Fight. And I can even play at that for a while.

But eventually my little playhouse of smoke and mirrors…my grand hall of Illusion….it all comes crashing down. And I’m standing in the center, a hurricane in full force, and yet…at the core…I am the most at peace…true peace…that I ever can be.

I guess that’s why the Harpies have chosen to let me work with them…to show their true faces to. I guess that’s why I love the storms. For the beauty and awe-inspiring raw power they possess.

Used to, I would say:
Forgive me for my fangs and claws.
Forgive me for my fur and scales.
Forgive me for my destructive ways.
Forgive me for my scorched earth policies.
Forgive me for capsizing your lil boat in my ocean of soul.
Forgive me for huffing and puffing and blowing down your house, little Piggy.

But fuck forgiveness for these things. They are not sins. And I’m no sweet little lap dog for you to trot out to show your friends. I am the Big Natural Wolf (for “bad” is just a bullshit label slapped on things that refuse to bend to your will). And I make no apologies nor excuses for my natural behavior. Don’t invite me in and then act all shocked when I shit on your rug. ::laughs::

Damn the wolf blood runs hot tonight. Not even a full moon. Just the sliver…my favorite….hanging low in the twilight sky.