2014

Word for the year: Engage.

For far too long, I've just floated through life without any real direction or goals.  Without diving in and getting my hands dirty.  I've allow my life to just unfold, without really getting involved.

So my word, my goal for this year, is to ENGAGE with the experiences of my life this year.
Engage with my work and make it more meaningful, both the child care job and the Starbucks job.
Engage with my faith.  This will all fall on my shoulders, as I've left the Coven.
Engage with my health.  I need to actively take better care of myself all around.
Engage with my future.  I need to manage my money even better than I currently am (and I'm doing LIGHT YEAR'S better than I was last year).  I need to start planning for retirement.  I have very little in that regard.

And I usually choose a totem for the year, but this year, two kept popping up.  I'd decide on one and then the other would flood into my life.   So I'd decide on that one instead, only to have the first one flood back.  *chuckles*  And these two totems promise one hell of year.

First totem is Hawk. 

I usually try to have a specific species, but hawks of all types kept showing up, so I'm leaving it broad to encompass them all.

Hawk is all about New Vision.  Vision is what you live your life by and what you are striving for, so it makes sense that Hawk is bringing this to me this year.

Hawk personally reminds me to rise above the mundane crap and soar the open skies once more.  It's easy to get bogged down in the daily, trivial bull shit, but I've got to keep my eye on the prize and make strives towards it.  I'm tired of being mired in debt, and I'm planning to change that this year.

The second totem is Vulture.

Again, I prefer to have a specific species, but, Vulture had different ideas.  Both Turkey and Black Vultures appeared, so again, I'm leaving this one broad to encompass them both.

Vulture is all about Purification.  It's time to devour and burn away the negative, the outdated, the unnecessary aspects of myself, to make way for a new rebirth and an overarching purification on my life.

Again, I'm being told to soar above.  I need the higher persepective on my life and on my direction/Vision.  With Hawk and Vulture teaming up, this year should be a powder keg of transformation and direction. 

I'm curious to see how this all plays out this year.

New Year

Found these two on Facebook and thought that they were good enough to keep.

The first one sounds like something my husband would say. 

We did make it a point to do this.  Might just make these a yearly tradition in our little household.


And I have the very distinct feeling that this is going to be a strong year for me.

2013 started off very poorly for me, and stayed that way for quite some time.  But towards the end, I was actually doing pretty decent financially and that's carrying over into the new year. 

Pets with Santa (Photos)

I'm a bit bummed about how the photos with Santa turned out this year.  They used a crap camera and then had them printed at Walmart, so the quality is less than usual.  *sighs*

I guess next year, I'll just take my own camera and take the photos myself.  I'll still pay the $5 or whatever per photo that they charge, but I'll do the rest myself.  It's the only way I know to ensure we have decent photos.

This is our 3rd year taking the pets to get photos with Santa. 

Leviathan is such a good model.  *smiles* 


David, Holly, and Santa:

Update

It's been ages since I've written.  I had to go back and re-read my last entry just to see where everything was standing that last time I wrote (which was on Dec 5th).

I got the job at Starbucks.  I'm doing the training now.  I'm trying not to let it overwhelm me...there is just so much information to log into this brain of mine.  It's definitely out of my comfort zone, and I'm struggling a bit with that.  I'm used to being top dog (as I've done child care for AGES), so I'm really having to humble myself (which needed to be done, let's be honest there), and really stretch myself to learn everything this new job and role entails.  But, I really like the people I work with.  They seem to be very genuine and friendly, so that's always a plus.

Did photos of Leviathan and Holly with Santa.  Thank god we had the horrid ice storm the first weekend of December (we got iced in for 4 days), so they rescheduled the Santa photos for this weekend.  If they hadn't, we totally would have missed out on it this year. 

This December has just flown by.  I guess losing 4 days to the ice storm just really threw everything off.  It's hard to believe that today is Yule and that Christmas is in 4 days.  Just two weeks left in this YEAR.  Craziness.

I'm still not on medication for my bipolar depression and I'm still doing GREAT.  I'm worlds better than when I was on it.  I was worried that starting the new job in which I'm a total newbie would throw me into some serious anxiety/panic attacks, but honestly, other than just wanting to hide out the night before I go, they haven't really even existed.  When I was on the medication, I'd have all sorts of anxiety attacks, so I think this is for the best (at the moment.  I reserve the right to revisit this should I get bad again).

I need to catch up on my 365 Photo Challenge and the Project Life.  I don't think I'll be doing Project Life again.  David and I just aren't that interesting, and it's hard to come up with stuff for each week.  *chuckles*  We stay home most of the time and watch various TV shows (we're currently watching Breaking Bad) and movies. 

I made the decision to leave my Coven.  I'm just not getting anything from the rituals that I don't get when I do my own.  Most of the time, I enjoy my own solitary rituals more than the small Coven ones.  *shrugs*  I've looked into joining a different Coven, but there just aren't any in the area that speak to me. 

Predator Self

Blame it on Dexter or on me still riding un-medicated.

But my predator self is back. 
The one that moves with liquid grace. 
The one that oozes utter confidence that can only come from knowing exactly where and how hard to strike down one's foe.

Blame it on the on-coming cold weather.  It always brings out my inner She Wolf.
Blame it on me finally standing up to my morning boss and walking out on that job that just robbed me of the joys of life.  Of working with kids.
I'm just not cut out to work with children under the age of 7, I've come to realize.

Got the job at Starbucks, pending me clearing a criminal background check (which I will...with flying colors).

But for now....I'm comfortable in this skin of mine.
I'm coming to various realizations about myself and the way I tick.

I've realized that while the impulse to cut will probably always be with me, the actual need to do it is long gone.
It's much akin to the other random desires towards violence that I have on a daily basis.  The desire to slash someone's tires.  To punch certain people in the throat.  Various desires that, while are fun to visualize, I just really don't see myself ever acting on.  *shrugs*  This is me.  And I kind of like me.

I feel like all this time I've been running away from my Core.  Trying to play nice.  Trying to shed the pelt and the fangs and the claws. 
Being a Wolf isn't being evil. 
Being a Wolf is just different.  Just me.
The way I use this fur and fang...that decides if I'm evil or not.  And for now.....I'm not.

And that circles back to being a predator, sure of herself, of what she is capable of doing...and deciding what to do.
For instance, today in my exit interview from Kids R Kids, it would have been all too easy to go off on my now-ex-boss.  To tell her exactly what I think of her, her management style, and her whole damn school.  But I chose not to go for the kill.  Why bother?  I'm liberated from that hell hole, so why spend any more time there than I absolutely have to.  It was a joy to quit.  *chuckles*

And now, I enjoy my late nights and later mornings.  I only have one job to contend with at the moment and I'm enjoying the freedom while it lasts.  Starbucks will tame me down once more.  But until then, I run free.

32 Goals for my 32nd Year

32 Goals for my 32nd Year

1. weigh 175 lbs or less
2. take at least one creative class at Michael's
3. decide if I'm staying with the Coven or looking for a new one
4. pay off Firestone credit card completely
5. complete 5 pages in Leviathan's scrapbook
6. see David's parents
7. return trip to Wolf Park
8. something nice for my 8th SI free anniversary
9. fire a gun of some sort
10. pumpkin, watermelon, and birthday parties for the wolves at Wolf Park
11. take Holly and Leviathan to visit Santa
12. Art Every Day Challenge
13. declutter room
14. lavender in my hair (streaks, tips, whatever)
15. Vision Quest
16. 1 postcard a month (minimum) through Postcrossing
17. print out blog
18. pay off Care One Credit completely
19. write rituals for all 8 Sabbats
20. write a standard Esbat ritual
21. donate $50 to a sanctuary
22. get a massage
23. 6 new recipes
24. Tabula Rasa ritual
25. write a new set of 101 Goals in 1001 Days
26. feed a Gaboon viper
27. write and use invocations to Cernunnos
28. get a Cernunnos statue for my altar
29. complete Project Life and decide if I want to do it again
30. 6 craft projects from Pinterest
31. visit a zoo/sanctuary 12 times
32. do something nice for my 33rd birthday

31 Goals for my 31st Year Final End

Every year I make a list of goals for myself to accomplish in that year (I don't do New Year's Resolutions).

Here's the 31 Goals for my 31st Year final end.

31 Goals for my 31st Year

1. weigh 175 lbs or less

            * start weight is 215

            * end weight is 189

2. make a career decision and go for it

            * finishing up Alternative Teaching Certificate

                        * classes completed 12/28/12 

                        * now just studying for the test

                        * passed Generalist 4 - 8 test (7/6/13)

3. Photo Safari at Fossil Rim for my 7th year SI free -- didn't do
4. take a sketching/drawing/paint class
5. do well in the Coursera classes I've enrolled in

      *I've opted to put the Coursera classes on hold until I get the teaching test

                  completed.

6. get a tattoo
7. return visit to Wolf Park
8. return visit to the Houston Zoo
9. Project Life for 2013 -- still working on this
10. make a wish at 12:12 on December 12th, 2012

            * done!

11. photos in the bluebonnets
12. 12 new recipes

            1. Red Velvet Cake Dip = 11/17/12

            2. Cheesy Ranch Chicken = 12/17/12

            3. Mashed Baked Potatoes = 1/12/13

            4. Shoyu Tamago (soy sauce eggs) = 4/28/13

            5. Lofat Alfredo Sauce = 6/15/13

13. make the beaded wrap/case for my athame

            * lost that athame, got a new one, don't need the case

14. send in a secret to Post Secret
15. go to 3 DFW Herpetological Society meetings
16. go to the big reptile expo in February  -- didn't do
17. take a photography class/course
18. make 6 of the crafts I've found on Pinterest

            1. Alternative Xmas Tree

            2. Christmas Card album

            3. Tipped Nail Polish

            4. Cardboard House (for my students)

            5. Grid Painting (art journal)

            6. Tea Staining Paper (art journal)

19. deep clean my art territory
20. get nice photos done of David and I
21. do something nice for David's birthday

            Batman cookies and Joe's Crab Shack

22. 365 Photo Challenge -- still working on this
23. good photos of Leviathan every month

            Nov = Xmas photos for Xmas card

            Dec =  New Year photos with antlers

            Jan = didn't do

            Feb = Leviathan & Antlers

            stopped at this point

24. enter 3 photography contests
25. find my Sir Bob the Chicken Knight Story and work on getting it published
26. have my fortune read
27. visit the Japanese Botanical Gardens in the Spring (didn't do) and Fall nope
28. pay down the Firestone credit card to zero by my 32nd birthday
29. start a savings account

            11/10/13 = $420

30. treat myself to the Zoo, lilies, and a nice dinner for my 32nd birthday
31. visit the Ultimate Reptile Shop in Hockley and feed their Gaboon Viper.