Drum Making Class

So I went to a Drum Making Class being offered through a new-to-me local Pagan shop. Typically, going somewhere new, being around all new people, and doing something I’ve never done before, sends me into a full-blown panic attack. But this is something I’ve been wanting to do for AGES, so I pounced at the chance and paid in my $55 so there was no way I could back out of it.

And sure enough, when it came time to drive over there, I could feel the anxiety rising.

But I’m so glad I went. I had a BLAST.
Even if I was sitting by the most neurotic, perfectionist on the planet.

I did amaze myself at how well I just rolled with the experience. I wasn’t hung up on making The Most Perfect Drum EVER. I was focused on doing my best with THIS drum. MY drum.

And damn, is she gorgeous. It’s difficult to capture the color properly, as the skin is still damp, and I can’t put the drum in direct sunlight yet. There is all this feathering and striping within the red, due to the elk hide that I wish showed up better in this photo.

Hopefully, I can get a photo of her outside on Wednesday and I can get some photos that truly do her justice.

And the very quick drum beater that I made as well, to go with my drum:

I am debating if I’ll remake this. I kind of want to replace the cloth head with a leather/suede one. But I’m getting the feeling that it’s just fine the way it is. I’ll test it out on my drum once she dried and cured completely and make my decision at that point.

Group Photos

One of my aides asked if we could do a big group photo of our students and I thought this was a brilliant idea.

Note: This is NOT all 70 of my students though.

Nice photo:

Photo that accurately captures my various students’ personalities:

And fun photo with all the staff in the photo:

That’s me in the lower right hand corner, front row. :)

New Friend

I made a new friend today:

This is a little Eastern Pondhawk Dragonfly (Erythemis simplicicollis).

He flew inside the elementary school I run my after-school program in, to escape the storm winds. He was more than happy to relax on my hand as I showed him to the 8 or so students I still had in the program at that point.

Once the winds died down, I put him back outside.

CORRECTION: This is a Jade Clubtail Dragonfly (Arigomphus submedianus)

Fo Shizzle...

…my Driz-Zel. ::cracks up::

Ok, so to explain.
I was walking Holly today. We’ve been getting a SHIT ton of rain over the past month or so....and it’s just continuing for the foreseeable future.

So anyways, I decided I should walk Holly today. Typically, we walk out the pedestrian gate, around the backside of the apartment section (our apartment complex is actually three completely separate sections), and then we head off to the wooded trails on either side of the road that runs in front of my apartment section.

Well, we hit the backside of the section and it starts sprinkling. So I’m hoping that it’ll let up by the time we hit the split that I can either go right and hit the wooded trails, or I can admit defeat and turn left and come in the vehicle gate.

The drizzling rain isn’t letting up…so we conceded defeat and turn left. I scope out my hawklings. They are a bit soggy but still looking great.

And that’s when I see this little Mourning Dove on the pavement. And I notice right away that it’s a fledgling AND there’s some seriously wrong with it’s wing.

I take Holly up to the apartment and return with a shoebox. Poor little thing was soaked to the bone and sitting in a puddle while the rain drizzled down. It barely fought me when I picked it up.

So she chilled in the dark shoebox, with a nice warm rag in there to help her dry, and I set that in front of my space heater and kept it just warm enough.

I located a wild bird sanctuary that was open (miracle) and more than happy to take her.

Well, I knew she deserved a name before I sent her packing.

I called her Driz in the beginning, for the drizzling rain…but then that morphed into Driz-Zel because of the ghetto-rific place I live. ::laughs::

So now, Miss Driz-Zel is in good hands. I wish her a speedy recovery:

It's the Little Things

Given the recent rains and cloud-cover, the temperatures were PERFECT for my daily walk on the wooded trails with Holly, my ever-loyal Old Lady Dog (as I’ve come to affectionately call her).

The first of the lil Yellow Flowers are finally beginning to bloom:

And I found my first Blue Jay feather of the year:

I’m keeping track of how many I find this year, as I’m pretty sure last year I found around 20 or so. I’m sure with me doing daily walks this year, I should be able to find even more. ::smiles::

It’s something about feathers that always make me smile. I just can’t be sad with a new-found feather in my hand.

They Grow Up So Fast

My little hawklings are growing up so fast.
It seems like yesterday they were just two puffy white balls.
Now, they have most of their adult feathers in and are beginning to experiment with flight (attempts).

Both babies:

Look at those scrawny little legs!

Got some height on this hop:

Nice landing:

And one more attempt:

They’ll be flying before I know it! :)

Normal Sucks

I cannot articulate what this screams at me right now. I’ll try, but I’m sure I’ll fall far short of the mark.

It started with a spam email. The subject line was “We’re young and we’re pissed off, and we’re going to do something about it”. It was an email from a group that I signed their petition to keep abortions legal and accessible to Texas women.

And my cynical side retorted “I’m too tired to be pissed off.”

And I thought to myself, “How fucking sad is that?”

But it’s a mind-loop I’ve been racing around on for days now.
I miss my passion. I miss my drive. I miss my sense of adventure.

In a nutshell? I miss my mania. I miss my psychosis.
This being normal shit sucks. This being responsible for everything I did while “enjoying” my manic years sucks even more. ::chuckles:

And I really, I think me being so damn anti-social is making it all worse.
I know I need to get out and do SOME sort of socializing. Hell, I even want to at times. But when it actually comes down to doing it? I freeze and then bolt in the other direction.

I need to sit down and write a list of things that I enjoy doing. Things I’m interested in. Things that peak my interest/passion. And then I need to go out and do those damn things.

Damn You, Brain

Had an awesome/not-so-awesome dream last night.
My brain is a big fat meanie at times. It loves throwing various guys I’ve liked (or do like) into a dream for shits and giggles and then obsesses over them for the next full day.

So yeah, dreamt last night that Keegan straight up planted a NICE kiss on me and then stared into my eyes, while holding my face oh-so-gently and whispering “God I’ve wanted to do that for so long” in this sexy, breathy whisper.

Thank GOD I didn’t have to work with him. I’d be all sorts of awkward. Ok, so MORE awkward than usual.
::shakes her head::

Yeah, it would never happen because:

A) I’m married
and B), he’s like BARELY 21.

Just no.
But, he’s adorable, so he’s fun to joke around with.

Attack of the Randoms

I’ve noticed that I’m terrible about writing about something’s beginning, but never following up on it. Or the reverse, where I write about an ending, but never anything before that. ::shakes her head::

So yeah, about the ex-friend who sent me a friend request on Facebook that I was all nervous about how to interact with because of the way our friendship crashed and BURNED? Yeah, all that worrying was for nothing. She added me just because we had a lot of friends in common and she knew me. She didn’t send me one friggin’ message or post/like on any of my stuff. And honestly? I couldn’t give two shits about her life either....so I opted to just unfriend her. I mean, seriously? Why keep her around when I don’t like her, and she’s just cluttering up my news feed with crap I don’t give a shit about? But I certainly feel better about that now. I at least gave her the option of opening up the channels of communication.

Following up on Touchy-Feely Boss that I almost punched in the face/throat last Wednesday? Yeah, had to work with her this morning and I was nervous as shit. And I hate that, because I haven’t done anything wrong! Ok, ok, so going into a fight stance with your fist cocked and ready to go isn’t the right thing to do.....but apparently it worked. I worked with her for four straight hours and she didn’t touch me ONCE. That is beyond amazing. No petting, no stroking, no caressing, NOTHING. It was so awesome. Am I letting my guard down completely? NOPE. But it gives me hope that she’s realizing that what she is doing to ALL OF US is not ok.

Well, I’ve got to cut this short. I’ve got to work at Starbucks in the morning and I seriously need my sleep.

Thankful Thursday on a Friday

I am thankful .....

1. that Super Sneaky Project #1 is well underway and seems to be full steam ahead!
2. that Super Sneaky Project #2 is just picking up, but seems to be going very smoothly.
3. paid for my Drum-Making Class today (it's on the 31st) at a local and new-to-me New Age store just down the road a bit from me.  I'm rather excited about it.
4. double pay day today (pay checks from both the after school program and Starbucks).  It's really nice when they sync up like this.
5. Leviathan had a great visit with my students on Monday.
6. Lindsey C., a former after school program, and her mom dropped in last night just to say hi.  Lindsey hasn't been in my program in 2 years now, but apparently asks her mom every evening as they drive past my elementary school if she can stop in to say hello.  Very cool.  Lindsey was one of my absolute favorites from the program.
7. my lil hawklings are growing up so fast.  I almost didn't recognize them today on the nest, as their adult feathers are beginning to come in.
8. my woods have been blessedly FREE of humans this week when I walk Holly through them.
9. my world-traveling German friend is back in Germany and has some cool items for me.  Can't wait to get the final pricing and send him the money.  This ties into Super Sneaky Project #2.
10. my evaluation by my boss at the after school program went very well yesterday.

Hands Off

So I’ve practically physically threatened my 4th superior today in my history here at Starbucks. Granted, the first superior didn’t realize how close I was to punching him, but hey, I still count it.

Anyways, our Assistant Manager-In-Training has a horrible case of the Touchy-Feely sort. And it’s not just me she likes to touch. And it’s a creepy as touch. She’ll slide her hand across the small of my back. Gah. Just talking about it makes my skin crawl.

At first, I thought it was just me. I’m odd, I know this. I do not like to be touched. That’s something reserved for lovers, close friends, and certain family members. Everyone else should remain hands completely off unless absolutely necessary.

Like, my coworker Lauren at Starbucks will put her hand on my upper back when she’s walking behind me. But it’s a firm, hey I’m here, so don’t run me over type of touch and as soon as she’s out of the way, she removes her hand immediately. That type of touch, I’m completely ok with.

But, Christina, my ASM in-training? It’s almost a caress. And it’s always in zones that while not truly sexual in nature, they are more off-limits in my opinion than the aforementioned back touch, or a shoulder touch.

Today, Christina was behind me while I was putting some lids up for the people making the drinks. She opted to slide both of her hands on either of my hips to ‘guide me out of the way”. She didn’t even announce that she was behind me, so this came completely out of the blue. I whirled around on her and had my hand cocked and ready to punch and stated “Don’t. Touch. Me.”

Luckily she immediately backed off and I practically fled to the back of the store to calm myself back down. Lauren came and checked on me, and I explained to her what had me so riled up and she told me every other coworker of ours has the same complaint about Christina.

I’ve already asked her not to touch me. So this really pissed me off. Now, granted, Christina did apologize shortly afterwards, but I made it a point to just avoid her as best I could.
I don’t sugar coat shit. I’ve notorious for speaking my mind and being almost brutally blunt. So I don’t understand after the first time I said “Hey, I don’t really like being touched. Please stop”, how the point was missed.

I mean, that’s pretty damn clear. I obviously do not want to be touched, now or in the future, so keep your caresses to yourself. And I’m not the only one to say this to her.

I seriously need to transfer out of this damn store....though, I’m not sure it’s just a problem at my store.

Leviathan's Visit

So I took Leviathan (my female lavender corn snake) up to my after school program today, as the students had been asking about her for a while now.

She had a GREAT visit.

Some of the students opted to pay “Viking Bucks” (our reward system for good behavior) to be able to hold her and get their photo taken with her.

These two photos turned out so good I just have to share:

It’s hard to tell from the photos, but The Beast is about 5 feet long.

Harpy Photo

So one of my goals on my 101 Goals in a 1001 Days list is to photograph myself every month on the 10th for the entire duration of the 1001 days.

Given the recent torrential downpours going on weeks now. The thunder, the lightning, the drenching rains.
Given the fact that as I was leaving this morning to go to my shift at Starbucks the tornado sirens went off.

I thought it only fitting that today’s photo pay homage to my Harpies. My storm and vengeance goddesses.

 

I had fun playing with the lighting (almost all the lights were off in my room for this shot. Plus the wonderful Harpy Eagle mask I commissioned back in 2012. Made for a fun photo of myself.

Giddy

Oh I’m a happy little SheWolf right now. ::smiles::

Anyone who knows me, knows of my adoration (borderline obsessiveness) with the various Native/Indigenous cultures around the world. And across the planet, the drum has always had special meaning and I’ve coveted one for ages now.

But damn, the prices on the good ones? We’re talking $300 or MORE. That is just wayyyyyyy out of my price range.

BUT. A group I’m a member of on MeetUp is offering a drum making CLASS. They’re supplying all the drum-making supplies, plus dye for coloring the leather that makes the drum head and supplies for making a drum beater. I just choose the size and shape I want.

So I signed up. I know…me doing something SOCIAL. In a place I’ve NEVER gone to before. Doing something I’ve NEVER done before. Usually that would send me screaming in the other direction, but I can’t pass up the opportunity to learn how to make my own drum, dye the hide the color I want, and to finally have my own drum for spiritual practices....for a scant $55. Seriously. It can’t get any better than that.

I’m opting for the 10 inch round drum. I don’t think I need anything bigger than that for apartment living. And I’ll only be drumming for myself. So 10 sounds good to me. And most likely I’ll be dying it a nice, rich red color. ::smiles::

I’m damn near giddy over this. I’ve just got to pay for my supplies/class by the 22nd and then the class is on the 31st. It will be nice to break in that drum (plus bless and dedicate it) on the Full Moon (June 2nd) and to use it in a Midsummer/Litha ritual later on that month. ::smiles::

Can’t wait!

The Nameless One

oh how my heart cries out

my spirit howls out

beltaine,

a sabbat i've found no meaning in

passes

marked simply

by beautiful weather

nesting hawks

and a lit candle

for someone as young as i

i should be out reveling

dancing among the bonfires

imbibing mead

twirling around the may pole

and consummating the night

with my own faun

eh, but dealings with the harpies

rob me of breath

and strength of body

slowly still does my health return

only now do i chose

to clean out my bedroom

and drive out the last

germs of the plague

tomorrow, incense shall

banish all the rest

of the lingering illness

from my den

but, the moon rides high

and slowly turns to fullness

and my lupine spirit

grows restless

inside this human body

this decidedly human abode

she demands

fleet of foot

dark of pelt

and gleaming eyes

that pierce the night

she demands

time in the woods

time under La Luna

my original Goddess

the one without name

only Soul

so the drum will beat

and i'll change forms

sloughing off humanity

and donning the robes

of La Lupa herself

far more warming

and opulent than

the finest silks in the world

and i shall run free

and howl

and make peace

with my place

in this mad

mad world