Off My Meds

I've been 100% off my meds since Tuesday.
But it's at my doctor's behest, so I'm not being naughty.

And if I stay on Geodon, I'll never skip a pill ever again.  I've felt like death warmed over the past 3 days.  And am just now back to eating a fourth of a meal I'm used to.  Fuzzy brained, with a 3 second delay (or more), nausea like you wouldn't believe, vertigo, headaches, chills, and hot flashes.  Felt like pregnancy and menopause all rolled into one. 

The whole reason we're doing this dance is that I've been nauseous for over a month now and have started having muscle twitches in my right arm, peeing all the damn time, dry mouth like a bitch, etc, etc, etc.  All side effects from Geodon (or at least that's what we're trying to prove at this point).

So far the muscle twitches are gone.  And I'm not peeing every 15 to 20 minutes.  The nausea is fading as the drug is coming out of my system. 

But Geodon works soooooo well with my bipolar depression that I don't want to give it up so easily.  I'd rather just do a lower dosage.  We doubled my dosage from 40 mgs to 80 mgs (which my general doctor was shocked I was on so high of a dosage and that we didn't step me up to that level, just dived right in) back on Sept 27th.  Maybe 50 or 60 mgs would be good enough to keep the bipolar in check (I was borderline manic on just 40), without all the side effects.

I was all excited to go off my meds, thinking I'd spend my time in mania and just have fun.  So far that hasn't happened (though I could be in my normal state, not manic, not depressed).  And then I got to thinking, that it's possible I could slide into depression just as easily as I could go into mania and I'm happy I'm staying in the middle of the road right now.

Though the oily voice is back and saying this just proves I don't need the medicine.  I'm sleeping better (more -- better than the insomnia I was having).  But the oily voice is back and that proves the medicine was working.  I'm not a fan of the oily voice.  That's the one that also urges for self-inflicted harm (which hasn't been more than an annoying thought since I've been off the Geodon, and I'm VERY thankful for that).

I need to call my psychiatrist at some point next week and see when this little experiment is supposed to end.  His nurse didn't set an end date.  I'm just keeping an eye on the physical symptoms at the moment and an eye on the mental stability and hoping for the best.