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New "recipe" -- Shoyu Tamago -- boiled egg that is then cooked in soy sauce.  Still haven't decided if I like it or not.

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Nothing of Note

art: Buddha Interiors

I haven't been writing as much here recently.
And my art journaling is non-existent.
I'm fully absorbed in just mindlessly surfing the internet and not accomplishing anything of note.

I picked up some Social Studies test books from my Mom this past weekend.  Next to the math portion, I did very poorly in the social studies part of the pre-test for my teacher certification.

Full Moon ritual was ok with the Coven.  It was just me, the High Priest, and his cousin.  And we didn't really do anything other than Cast Circle and enjoy ritual space.  I'm wanting more doing...magick, visualization, something more.  Guess I need to get back into the swing of doing my own solitary rituals too.

I won't be going to Beltane with the Coven.  One of the families in my after school program approached me as a babysitter and they need me Saturday.  And I of course said yes.  I need the extra money and this is a GREAT family, so I'm not put out to do this for them at all.  Haven't discussed money just yet, but I'm doing my best not to worry about that just yet.  We'll talk more as it gets closer.
 

I need to work on my wand some more.  I've got most of the sanding done, but need to cut it to the right length.  I don't like super long wands.  And I'll need to drill out where the tiger's eye point will be going.  Then it's a matter of decorating.  I like the idea of red or black, or maybe even white leather.  And fringe.  Definitely fringe.  *chuckles*  And I wouldn't mind reworking my current prayer staff.  I made it ages ago for my Vision Quest back in 2007.  It could definitely use an overhaul.  I want it more like Harold's...more fringe and feathers and charms on it.  *smiles*

All Buddhist and Shit

art via FaceBook

I had a small flash of....enlightenment?  Insight?  Wisdom?  Whatever you want to call it.
I was bemoaning that I was experiencing a dip of depression each night starting around 10 pm.  And whining to myself about how I couldn't be "cured" and all that bogus, Negative Nancy shit.

And bam, it hit me.
Dwelling on it and wallowing in it only feeds that fire.
Well, I'm tired of being burned by that fire, so I'm done feeding fuel to it.

I'm going all Buddhist on it.
There is no cure for bipolar depression.
There is no cure for self-inflicted injury impulses.
But that doesn't mean I have to let it run my life.

So starting now, when depression or the self-injury impulse pop up, I'll recognize them for what they are, and then let them go.
Much like getting into meditation...you focus on your breath...and when a distraction pops up, you don't fight it.  You acknowledge it, but you let it go and return your focus to to your breath.  Again and again, you continue to return to your breath, and eventually, you will train your brain to only focus on the meditation.  I'm hoping to do the same sort of training with myself. 

Time to be a survivor, and stop allowing myself to be a victim.
 

So this is my newest, greatest experiment I'm putting to work in my life.
This doesn't mean I won't be taking my medication, because, like I said, there is no cure for bipolar depression.  And that medication helps keep me out of the danger zones.
But I'm done expecting to just pop a pill and presto-change-o, my life is perfect.

The Goddess only helps those who help themselves.  If I'm not willing to do the legwork myself, then obviously Sekhmet isn't going to do it for me.  And if She were....it certainly wouldn't be a pleasant experience!  *laughs*

Pondering

art via pinterest

I've been pondering a lot of things.
I'm really balking at the teaching thing.  I just honestly, at my core, do NOT want to do it.

I'd love nothing more than to keep my part-time job.  It pays quite well, to be honest.
It's just that my debt is too high.
And that's what's leading me down the path to teaching.  Money. 
A teaching gig would give me the extra income to pay off my debt.

If I didn't have my debt, I wouldn't be looking at teaching to be honest.
David likes having me only working part-time.  I get to take better care of his dog, and makes him feel more secure about our home.
It's just that we don't make enough collectively to pay off our independent debts and still be able to save enough money to buy a house.  Which is our big dream.  A house of our own. 

I was thinking about that last night.  I got the desire to use the elliptical around midnight....but because we live on the 3rd floor, there's no way I can use the elliptical at that hour.  I don't want to disturb our neighbors.  But if we had a house...then I could easily have used it whenever the desire popped up.

New goals will be coming soon.  I'm still working on them.  That's one good thing of being rational with my depression....I can look at what I'm depressed over and see what I need to do to change that situation.  Not that it will completely eradicate my depression....that's caused by a chemical imbalance....but it will at least take some of the fuel away from the fire.
 

Photos 103 - 106

Photo 103:

Swapping out the tires from my Ford Escort (not pictured) to my new-to-me Honda Civic (the blue car).

Photo 104:

A lavender pile up!

Photo 105:

David having ice cream after having his top wisdom teeth removed.

Photo 106:

Holly, sitting pretty with a streak of slobber across her snout, close to her eyes.  Not sure how she managed that!

Photos 98 - 102

Photo 98:

I collect this soda tabs to donate to the Ronald McDonald house (they recycle them and use the money to run a house near Cook's Children's Hospital for the families that have children at the hospital).

Photo 99:

Leviathan, stretching and exploring when I let her out of her travel tank.  This is the tank we use when she visits my students.  It's a lot smaller than her home, so she always likes to stretch out and explore a bit before heading to her big tank.

Photo 100:

Leviathan using her antler jungle gym.  *smiles*  Even caught a tongue flick!  Woohoo!

Photo 101:

One of Allie's ducklings with the tutu Allie made.  *smiles*

Photo 102:

One of the super fragrant lilies I bought for myself to celebrate my 7 years of being SI free.  Sadly, the pale orange ones were either gone or paired up with roses....and I'm not a big fan of roses (especially seeing as how they are $10 MORE).

Seven Years

art from: theequus

I've made it 7 years how, without an incident of self-inflicted harm.
Seven years.
That's 2, 555 days.

Woohoo for me!

Tonight we're going over to Allie's boyfriend's house to see her ducklings.
Tomorrow I don't have to work as it's one of our "bad weather days" that we didn't have to use.  I have an appointment with my psychiatrist for my 3 month check in.  After that, I plan to head to Tom Thumb and pick up some of these GORGEOUS pale, pale orange lilies I saw there the other night. 

Woot for 7 years.  I'm still in awe.
 

Just Showing Off

Just showing off the earrings I made at work on Friday:


I think they are quite lovely.  :)  And this is today's photo (Photo 97 of 365)

Photos 91 - 96

Photo 91 (April 1st):

Antler slices that I'll use to make my Rune set and the vintage leopard fur I bought -- both arrived today!

Photo 92 (April 2nd):

First two runes drawn on the antler slices.  Started the wood burning on the right one....but stopped once the smell hit me.  Will have to continue it outside.

Photo 93 (April 3rd):

Dragon-scale bag arrived.  It's smaller than I anticipated, so I won't be able to use it for my Rune set that I'm making.  Might use it to hold the set I bought though....

Photo 94 (April 4th):

Tangled coil that is Leviathan.  :)

Photo 95 (April 5th):

Sphinx Moth I saw at my apartment.  These guys can get up to 2 inches long.

Photo 96 (April 6th):

The wood-burning didn't go at all according to plan.  So instead, I've opted to carve the Runes into the antler and then go over them with a red paint pen.  *smiles*  I have a whole 'nother level of appreciation and AWE for artists that use wood-burning tools as their medium.

All Over The Place

art via Facebook

Some of my packages that I've been waiting on have finally arrived.

The pre-1920's leopard fur is in GREAT condition.  It came from a coat.  And the owner was very generous in the piece she gave me for a measly $10.  Not sure what I'm going to DO with it just yet.  But I'm thrilled to have it.

And my antler slices arrived.  They are stunning.  I'm making a set of Runes out of these.  Some have a lavender/pink color to them.  I'm glad I was smart enough to order extras.  Hopefully, if I go slow enough and careful enough, I won't mess up, and thus I'll have a few slices to use in other craft projects.  Or to decorate my altar with.  They feel so nice in my hands.

All I'm waiting on now, is my scale-mail pouch that I'll be keeping my Runes in.  It's gorgeous and I'll be sure to share photos once that arrives.

I'm thinking of doing a simple wolf's paw-print on the back of my Runes, just to make them a bit more mine.  Give it a little flair.  *smiles* 

I should ask Beowulf if he would show me now to make a crown using the antlers I have.  I want one for my own personal rituals, but have no idea how to go about making one that would be comfortable to wear.  He mentioned it a while back, so I should ask him if he's made one before.  If he hasn't, I'm sure Harold would know.  He's super crafty that way.  I'm sure he'd have some great ideas on how to go about this craft.

It's hard to believe that in 10 days, I'll be celebrating my SEVENTH YEAR free of Self-Inflicted Injury.  Seven years.  Wow.  That's 2,555 days being SI free.  Crazy.  Not too shabby for someone who was engaging in some form of self-inflicted injury multiple times daily just to cope.  I've had a few rocky times lately that really tested how strong I was to resist the temptation to cut, but I've managed through them and am damn proud of this achievement.  I'm definitely getting myself some flowers (something I generally only do on my birthday).  And I'm thinking a trip the zoo might be in store...along with a nice self-pampering day the next day (as school is closed on the 12th).