Putting Me First

Today’s photo:



A card sent to me by my Swiss pen pal that she picked up during her vacation to Cambodia.

Tomorrow is the first day of April and it marks the beginning of the next round of the NaJoWriMo challenge. I am aiming for an entry a day and a monthly goal of 15,000 words.

My focus for the month is Self-Care. I have really let almost all of my self-care (even basic self-care, if we are being honest here) slide away due to a round of major depression. But since that fog has lifted, I have decided I really need to put my health at the forefront. I ain’t getting any younger and if I don’t start taking care of myself, I’m really going to pay for it later.

I also need to look at classes for the Fall Semester and submit my choices for advisor approval. Hopefully the next round of classes will be more enjoyable than this semester’s classes.

Thankful Thursday #13

Today’s Photo:



Baby pine cone!

I am thankful…
1. That we weathered both nasty storms that blew through our area this week with very minimal damage to our property. A few downed branches, but no hail damage to our cars or our roof thank goodness.
2. Taking Josey for long walks daily. It benefits us BOTH greatly, and the more often I walk her, the more she remembers about how to behave on leash. So note to self: DON’T STOP NOW!
3. Frosted strawberry poptarts. These are my current addiction.
4. Pen pal letters that I am FINALLY responding to.
5. The month of March is winding down and is almost over and done with. It just brings me another step closer to being done with this semester of college.
6. That this week is almost over. I swear, the weeks get crazier and crazier the closer we get to the end of the year.
7. Already working on a set of fun summer time goals. Hopefully I actually accomplish some of them this time around. ::chuckles:: I ADORE making goals…I just lack the follow through at times.
8. Feeling comfortable in my skin once again. Every so often, it gets too restrictive and it’s hard to breathe. But then I shed that skin, and begin anew.
9. My amazing rosebush, given to me by Paula, that is blooming up a storm right now.
10. I received notification today that a beautiful art print by the AMAZINGLY talented Ravynne Phelan has been shipped. Sucks that it’s coming all the way from Australia, which means a LONG wait time, but it will soooo be worth it.

Incense

written: March 29th

A major storm (second major one this week) blew through around 2 am this morning. I was honestly worried for a second or two, the winds were so strong. I called out to Set and to the Harpies, promising incense offerings if they would protect my home and all of us who reside within it AND to protect our cars as well.



We’re all still here and are all fine, so I kept up my end of the bargain. Both got Dragon’s Blood incense. I recently picked up the incense and wanted to test it out to see how it measured up to Harvest Moon Haven’s Dragon’s Blood. This HEM Dragon’s Blood isn’t nearly as good as Harvest Moon Haven’s Dragon’s Blood. HEM had a very masculine aroma – like an undertone of cologne. Nice, but not what I got from the Harvest Moon Haven’s Dragon’s Blood.

Speaking of Harvest Moon Haven, I’ve put in an order with her. Hopefully she’ll ship them soon. Can’t wait! Seriously, if you love incense, I HIGHLY recommend Harvest Moon Haven. She’s truly amazing.

Today’s photo is what I saw from my bathroom window earlier this evening:



Gorgeous first blush of a sunset.

Roses & Mania

Forgot to share yesterday’s photo.
It’s not the best quality, but it shows off HALF of my rosebush in bloom:



You know, I’ve never been a huge plant person, but I am IN LOVE with this rosebush. And I want another rosebush now to keep Clover Bush (what I’ve named this rosebush) company. But I want one with deep, dark red flowers. Paula, who gave me this rosebush, suggested Black Baccara and I want it:



Isn’t it STUNNING?

Photo for today:



Seems I’m finally getting my mojo back. Granted, I’m also highly aggressive – clear sign of a manic episode. ::sighs::

I mean, it makes sense. I’ve been in a depressed state for the last MONTH or so….so of course I would swing back the other direction. I’ll just have to keep a lid on the aggression and let it out in healthy ways – like long walks with Josey or using the elliptical.

But it was nice to be able to draw a little something AND color it completely. I made it for a student, and now three others have requested snakes of their own. ::chuckles:: Hopefully the creativity will stay long enough for me to get those made. Here’s hoping for the best!

A Stab In The Gut

I came across this artwork on FaceBook and damn near burst into tears.



Artwork by “IguanaMouth” on Tumblr (because, I ALWAYS believe in giving the artist credit for their WORK)

But yeah. Seriously almost broke down over this comic, because it’s so accurate. SO. FUCKING. ACCURATE.

Especially with my depression. It usually strikes when everything is going GOOD. But I just can’t fully enjoy it. Because I’m hemorrhaging darkness like this comic illustrates. Even though I’m doing everything RIGHT.

Like, I was worried because I finally ran out of the St. John’s Wort that I’ve been taking. And I’ve been too damn lazy/depressed to tolerate Walmart to buy more.

And you know what? I’m actually doing BETTER now that I’m NOT taking the St. John’s Wort.

THANKS FUCKED UP BODY CHEMISTRY FOR THIS BULLSHIT.

 Seriously, medicine seems to always have an OPPOSITE effect on me.

Oh here, take some anti-depressants so you won’t be depressed. I become suicidal/homicidal on those, thanks.
Oh here, take some anti-psychotic medications. Has goddamn hallucinations on that.
Oh here, take some Valium to calm your nerves. Goes into full blown hysterics.

Even fucking herbal remedy for depression MAKES ME MORE DEPRESSED. Like what the fuck?

Is there a medication that its side effect IS depression? Can I take that? It might actually CURE my depression.

Puppy Loaf

Photo for today:



This is Josey’s “puppy loaf” resting position. She does this when she’s waiting for David to come home. ::laughs::

So yeah, David had to work his once a month Sunday shift today. Which was good, because it gave me a lot less distractions, so I was able to get my classwork done. I really need to stop procrastinating and then doing my assignment on the Sunday it’s due. ::chuckles:: At least I did my Preservation one on Saturday. So that counts for something, right?

So yeah, needless to say, I’m a bit worded out now.

Thorns

What’s this? TWO days in a row that I’m following the Capture Your 365 Photo Challenge prompt: Green.



Yep, that would be my rosebush again. ::chuckles::

It’s a very appropriate photo for me currently. I’m very much putting my thorns out there to keep all the drama at bay.

As much as I would love to rush to my Facebook friends’ aid. I would love to be supportive and wade through their woes and issues and hold their hands for it all.

But I cannot.
I will not.

I’m stretched so damn thin and I can see the Breaking coming. And while I cannot keep it at bay indefinitely….I can, and WILL, take the necessary steps to keep myself as healthy as I can, for as long as I can.

And right now…avoiding drama, both personal and political, is the best I can do for now.
I’ve just got to make it through this semester. Once the summer hits, I’ll have three day weekends again. I will make it a point to rest and relax and just calm down.