An Angry Witch

I’m moody as fuck.  So you’ve been warned.

Watched this cool video on how a fellow witch plans/maps out how she’s going to utilize a bound book to be her Book of Shadows.  And I LOVE the idea.  I mean, for my Bullet Journaling, when setting up for a new month, I write out what each page will be in pencil first before going over it with pen.  Which is pretty much how she was laying out her various Books of Shadows.

But, the bulk of what she’s putting in her BoS is not stuff I would have in mine.  Which then sent me down the whole “why isn’t my witchcraft like everyone else’s?  why do I have to be the special witch out here doing shit that no one else does?”.

Which THEN sent me on the “then obviously there is a NEED for me to document and share my witchcraft, so other people have some fucking variety”.  But then what right do I have to do this when I’m barely even DOING witchcraft?  Do I really want to be one of those armchair witches?  Preaching all the things, but not DOING said things.

So now I’m sitting here, pissed the fuck off at mainstream witchcraft.  I’m pissed the fuck off at my own “lack” of witchcraft.  So I’m just sitting here stewing about what I’m going to do about all of this.

Wish me luck!  ::chuckles::

The Bones

I just finished reading a FASCINATING book. It’s Heavenly Bodies: Cult Treasures & Spectacular Saints from the Catacombs, by Paul Koudounaris. It’s heartbreaking to me to read about how these bones and skeletons of supposed martyrs were once, so lovingly adorned in precious jewels, beautiful wire work, and hand-made beautiful cloth, and revered, in the 1800s, and how present day, most (almost all) have been stripped of their jewels and clothing. Most skeletons have just been discarded like trash. Or even those who are lucky enough to remain intact, are shut away in attics or storage containers, never to see the light of day again.

At first, I was heartbroken because these skeletons were exhumed and then shipped out to various Catholic Churches, regardless of who they were (or weren’t as the case may be). But then to hear of how lovingly revered they were by their community was beautiful to hear. And then the end, where they are all mostly gone, mostly forgotten, and no longer in any standard of respect, just crushed me.

There are so many layers to sort through. I 100% support ancestor worship, and I fully believe that this was a version of that. While the skeletons may not have been martyrs, that is what they SYMBOLIZED and embodied for the people. They were a physical representation of that linage that linked them back through the ages to the very beginnings of Christianity. And I am sure, even if most of the bones were from non-Christian individuals, reverence is reverence, and that feeds the spirit (both those of the living and the dead). And to go from such a place of reverence and love…..to just being dumped into an unmarked grave? That’s just….cruel, in my eyes.

Oh, and the PHOTOGRAPHY in this book? ::chef’s kiss:: It is BEYOND perfect. I mean, just look at the cover photo alone:

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Depression

I am going through a depression spiral for the past few weeks.  It sucks, because this round is just sucking out any sort of pleasure I find in things that I usually use to pull myself out of a depression spiral.  Currently, just treading water until the ability to enjoy things returns.

Another shitty side effect of this round of depression is that I tend to increase my purchases, because I am HUNTING for that feel-good feeling.  And I will get a small happiness boost before it sinks again.  And then I am looking at something new to boost the mood.

Oops

Welp, didn’t take me all that long to let my 100 Words lapse.  I would remember right as I was crawling into bed.  ::chuckles::  Normally, I would go back and play catch up, but I think I’m just going to continue moving forward.

Yesterday, I helped out at a different Branch other than my Branch.  Sucks because I didn’t get to hang out with Work Bestie, but it wasn’t too terrible meeting new staff and getting to see how another Branch runs.  Plus, when another Branch calls us for help, I can say I already did my part and someone else can go instead.  ::chuckles::  All about how it benefits me.  Plus that Branch was about the same distance from my house as it is to get to my Branch, so it was much less terrible than it could have been.

Exhausted

I am so exhausted. I’m talking a bone-deep weariness. I’m talking, I’m about to start crying, because I am THAT fucking tired.

I’m just over all the bullshit that is swirling around. I’m tired of the viciousness in politics. I’m tired of all the various conflicts going on around the world.
I would love to just tune it all out and just lose myself in some beautiful music and do some art. But I have ZERO focus at the moment.

I need to pack up my desk and move BACK to my original desk. It has to be done by Tuesday, and I don’t work on Mondays. That is when our new programming person is joining us.

I has a Mighty Need!

I has a mighty need! And it actually isn’t ANYTHING to do with fountain pens and/or ink (which are my current hyperfocus and/or obsession).

LOOK AT THIS GLORIOUS THING:

Papasan Video

It’s a double papasan lounge chair. Is that not the most AMAZING napping nest ever? I would legit NEVER LEAVE. I would become one with the bed. You cannot tell me it wouldn’t be heavenly to nestle down in this, with a good book, while a mild thunderstorm rumbled in the background.

In other news, I have a new pen (under $60, so I’m hella chuffed), and a whole SLEW of ink samples coming soon.

100 Word Challenge

Sharmila has revived the 100 Word Challenge in our journaling group.  Ray, a former member claimed by COVID, was the one who really got behind the challenge.  He did his 100 words every day, for YEARS.  Sharmila has begun the practice, as her own journaling has really fallen off as of late, and this is a quick and easy journaling style.  Just a minimum of 100 words.

So, I’m taking up the challenge.  I already journal quite a bit in my physical journal(s) with my fountain pens but have really let my blog collect dust.  So, my challenge is to write at least 100 words a day in my blog.