Invitation from Spirit

Come to Me, O Daughter of my Heart
Come play in the woods with Us.

Let your hair fall unbound
adorn it with feathers and blossoms
as your heart desires

Let a smile dance
upon your lips
as it does upon your soul

Kick up your feet
feel the earth beneath
your soles

Reach out your hand
caress Us
through the natural world

Stretch out your saddened Spirit
feel the touch of Spirits upon it
and know that you are loved

Let the heat of the summer Sun
burn up all your sorrow and hatred

Let that splendid golden light
fill you to the brim
overflowing

THIS is transformation
dear, She Wolf
THIS is true freedom
little Daughter

Return,
and return again
as often as you
need.

All You Need Is Love?

I say bullshit.

A friend posted a comment about the suicide death of Robin Williams, stating that if she had one wish it would be "to show him how so many many people loved him." And gods, I'm just seeing red over this.

Obviously, from her unintentional insensitive comment, she's never stood on that edge, debating which way to tip the scales. She's never sat there with a razor blade to her wrist, trying to screw up the courage to finally end it. She's never sat there with the bottle of pills and a bottle of vodka, debating if she'll truly drown it all out this time. She's never put the rope around her neck and debated if she should kick out the stool.

And while I'm grateful (though a little shocked, to be honest), that there are people out there in the world that have never truly faced down that decision.....it just floors me that she (and others) think that if he just knew he was loved, it would have been all better.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Depression is a DISEASE. Simply having people who love you won't keep you safe from suicidal thoughts, behaviors, or success. True, with a good support network, you tend to get help sooner. But Mr. Williams was getting help. He knew the demons he was facing. And no one else...especially those who have never experienced those demons first hand....can ever truly understand what he was going through.

It just seemed like her comment, as well intended as it was meant, degrades the whole MENTAL ILLNESS aspect of it.

Would you have said the same thing if he had died of cancer? Really? Oh clearly, if he knew how many people loved him, he wouldn't have let the cancer win. *shakes her head in utter disgust*

June, July, and Aug 10th Photos

Whoops! Totally forgot to post my monthly selfies!

June 10th:  

Taken at my In-Laws' home.

July 10th:  

Me and my lion, Constantine.

Aug 10th:  

Happy World Lion Day!

Rage

I have too much rage built up inside of me.
Rage isn't a bad thing.

It's a tell-tale sign that something is not right. An action needs to be taken.

But I'm sitting here, smoldering, simmering, the rage boiling just below the surface.

I need to take action. I'm just floating here through this life, bored out of my mind. And yet....too lazy to truly do something about it.

No wolf am I currently, but a fat dog instead.
No lioness lean from the hunt am I, but a fat, well-fed housecat.
No harpy eagle hunting monkeys and sloths on the wing......just a sparrow, terrified of my own shadow.

That'll Teach Me

Leave it to my unconventional Gods to find an unconventional way of taking the blood sacrifice I was simply toying with as an idea.

Sometimes it is NOT a good thing for the Gods to hear every lil thought that runs through one's head!

So yeah, I was toying with the idea of making a blood sacrifice in an attempt to rid myself of this lingering depression that just won't go away. As I was walking my dog through the wooded trails, I spotted a LARGE turtle, pointed towards the road. Now there's a little creek on the other side of the road, but this road has some steep curbs that turtles have a VERY hard time conquering.

So, as my grandmother taught me ages ago, and that I still do to this day, I decided to help this turtle across the road.

But, there is a small thicket between me and said turtle. So I tie Holly (the dog) to a tree and begin slowly attempting to navigate through the underbrush. It was only once I was truly committed to this idea that the brambles showed up.

Well, I wasn't going to let some thorny vines stand between me and my soon-to-be-rescued turtle, so I pushed through. And have a few good scratches, that drew blood, for my troubles.

Turns out, it's a dead turtle. Been dead for a while. And I couldn't help but just laugh.

I made the offer. I just didn't realize the Gods would be so swift in taking me up on it.

Day 5 of 30 Day Challenge

1. our almost-daily treat of getting Starbucks in the evening, when we are both finally home from work. It's a nice way to celebrate that the workday is over and that we again were successful in not slaying any of our coworkers and/or customers.
2. walking the wooded trails near the apartment, even if I don't do this nearly often enough.
3. vegging out after work, watching the Vampire Diaries. All sorts of angst and drama that can only occur in high school.
4. a glass of wine and a smoke on my balcony each evening before I head to bed. It's a nice way to unwind.
5. exotic feathers from a friend in Germany. I can't even begin to explain how giddy they make me.

Day 4 of 30 Day Challenge

1. Don't get a credit card at 18. Wait until you are at least 20. You think you'll be smart about it, but trust me, it will take YEARS to pay off all that crap. So not worth it.
2. Live up high school. It's certainly not going to be the Be All End All that some people make it out to be, but it can be quite a bit of fun.
3. Take more photos. Get those cheap, disposable cameras and have fun with your friends.
4. Be less domineering with Jeremy -- he is a good guy and totally head-over-heels in love with you.
5. Go ahead and make a clean break with Dad so you can start moving on sooner. And know that his lack of attention speaks about HIM.....not YOU.
6. Understand that there is a whole world out there that will love you for exactly who you are. So be yourself and tell the small-minded people to fuck off. After all, after high school, you won't speak with 98% of them ever again anyways. So why let their opinions matter?
7. Your Mom is awesome. Cut her some slack.
8. Spend more time with Pop -- you only have 3 more years with him.
9. Spend more time with Fwing -- that brilliant mind of hers will fade drastically.
10. You have bipolar depression. Don't be so afraid to seek help in the dark times. You'll weather each storm, but it's easier with help.