Wondering

I'm wondering if I can get worker's comp to pay for my mouth guard that I need for the TMJ caused by my morning job?

Seems I'm clenching my jaw throughout the morning, plus grinding my teeth at night.
My teeth feel swollen.  It's the only way I can describe it.  Like they're bigger than usual.  And the right side of my jaw is so sore.  I even iced it down, trying to get some relief.  It feels like I've been punched there.  *shakes her head*

Had training last night for THREE fucking HOURS.
This is after working the morning job, then the afternoon job.  Insane.  And most of the crap didn't apply to me, or I already knew it.  The part that I needed to know could have been taken care of in half an hour.  Stupid.  Thank god it is all on the clock.  But seriously.  I didn't get home last night until 10 pm. 

And I was supposed to have a staff meeting tonight for the morning job, but I bowed out of that.  I'm exhausted and needed the break.  And if they have a problem with that, they can piss up a rope for all I care.

I think I'll take an Ambiem and go to bed early tonight.  I'm wearing myself thin.  Thank god tomorrow I leave the morning job 30 minutes early (have an ESD staff meeting) and I don't go in on Friday (have the appointment with my psychiatrist). 

We'll be adjusting my meds for sure.  I'm not going back on Depakote, as it was keeping me in a border-line depression the whole time.  But the Geodon alone right now isn't keeping my manic episodes in check.  I'm border-line manic for the past 3 weeks.  Don't get me wrong, I like the high-on-life feeling.  But the racing mind at night that doesn't let me sleep is no bueno.

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful....

1. for the $127 I got back from overpaying one of my credit cards.  Woohoo!
2. cat-sitting for Liz an d Julie.  I'd forgotten how much I like cats.  Too bad I'm allergic.
3. Red Robin last night with David and Allie for National Cheeseburger Day (it was Allie's first time at Red Robin).
4. opportunity for extra training at Kids R Kids (i.e. more money).
5. funny students at ESD.  They make my days awesome.
6. free hot lunches at Kids R Kids.  I don't eat enough there to make myself full, but it's a good start for whatever lunch I finish up at the apartment.
7. since I started working at Kids R Kids, I've lost 10 pounds.
8. Bailey's Irish cream and e-cigarette -- they keep my stress levels lower.
9. Full Moon tonight -- new goals set in place to be accomplished by the New Moon (Oct 5th).
10. money in the bank and money in the Polar Bear Trip Box (it's just $105, but it's a start).

written Sept 19th, 2013

Photos 244 - 256

Photo 244:

Leviathan out cruising her tank.

Photo 245:

Tongue flick!

Photo 246:

Post card from Siberia (via Postcrossing)

Photo 247:

Leviathan peeking out of her travel tank (she visited my students at ESD)

Photo 248:

Cookies from one of my aides

Photo 249:

Post card from North Carolina (via Postcrossing)

Photo 250:

My gorgeous girl.

Photo 251:

Cool fish stamp from Sigapore

Photo 252:

Morning job work shirt.

Photo 253:

One of my students goofing off.

Photo 254:

What I paid for gas at Tom Thumb (had Tom Thumb gas points to drop the price 20 cents)

Photo 255:

David and his Batman cookies.

Photo 256:

Post card from Belarus (via Postcrossing)

Thankful Friday

I am thankful.......

1. had yesterday off of ESD to spend the afternoon with David (it was his birthday).
2. amazing hushpuppies at Joe's Crab Shack (though we weren't overly impressed with the rest of the food).
3. David's Batman Cookies turned out to be AWESOME looking -- and he doesn't care that much for them, so I get to eat them!
4. the weekend!
5. NICE paycheck from ESD.  I was only expecting a few days, but got a full week.  Woohoo!  Talk about a huge relief.
6. Liz and Julie are hosting a small BBQ in honor of David's birthday on Saturday.
7. making a little extra cash nest week -- I'll be cat-sitting for Liz and Julie.
8. being more assertive at both jobs.
9. creativity is slowly coming back and the depression has finally lifted itself completely from my shoulders.
10. I'm done with this week's thankful list.  *smiles*

written Sept 13th, 20103

Boredom (Poem)

Boredom courses through my veins
          sluggish
               like a silt and moss
                          choked river
                                 not quite stagnant
                                                         but close
                                                             so close
                                  to a stand-still
My pen languishes upon the page
     journal abandoned and neglected
                     as the city of Chernobyl
                                        lifeless and listless
                     crying out for days long past
                                   of activity and
                                               the hum of life
What to do
        what to do
             to break this strangle hold
                      boredom has
                                        on my creativity



written September 9th, 2013
first poem I've written in ages

Thankful Thursday

ART: Gemsbok Herd
ARTIST: Michael Poliza

I am thankful....

1. the frappuccino and "Thanks a 'latte' for all that you do" card at Kids R Kids.
2. David got me the e-cigarette so I'll stop smoking the occasional real one.
3. bought two fund-raising chocolate bars from Paige (one of my students).
4. my gift for working with kids.
5. daily hugs from Kyndall and Stephanie (students).
6. cookies and a V8 Splash from Allie to celebrate it almost being Friday.
7. Leviathan turning 7 years old today.
8. Postcrossing -- so far I've received postcards from China, Ukraine, and Siberia.
9. that it's almost the weekend.  I'm ready for a break from the 2-year-olds at Kids R Kids.
10. a parent was late picking up their child yesterday at ESD.  That's a little extra money on my paycheck

written Thursday, Sept 5th, 2013

Like a Ping Pong Ball

ART: Silence! The Queen is Meditating

It's amazing all the things I remember once I've already jumped headlong into something.
Like the fact that while I'm doing the 365 Photo Challenge...my writing falls to the wayside.

Both jobs are going well.
I finally finished up the 20 on-line courses for the morning job.  That took more than a minute to do....but it's all on the clock, so that will be a nice boost to my paycheck when I finally get it.
Afternoon job is good.  The kids are good.  The staff is good.  All good stuff.  Man how I missed that job over summer.  I wish it was a year-round gig.  Eh, no sense in wishing for what cannot be.  I just need to be smart with my spending and saving so that summer doesn't wipe me and my husband out again.

I've been playing with my meds again.  I couldn't afford to get the Depakote refilled.
And it's not like it's really working all that well anyways.  That's why I'm also on Geodon.
So I stopped taking the Depakote and my depression is GONE.  I still will sleep 20 hours if given the opportunity, but I think that's because the week just wears me out.  I need the extra sleep.  On just the Geodon, I'm feeling a bit of creative stirring (something that I've been sorely lacking in the last 6 months).  I go see the super shrink on the 27th and I plan to let him know I'm not on the Depakote and haven't been on it for almost 2 months (at that point) and that I have no intentions of going back on it either.  I don't even know why he still has me on it.  *shrugs*  We'll see how that all plays out.

David got tired of me having the occasional cigarette.  So he bought me an e-cigarette.  Once I start getting paychecks, I plan to buy the fluid that has no nicotine so I won't have that issue.  It would be horrible to get addicted on the e-cigarette!  *laughs*  I have the Irish Cream flavor now, but plan to pick up Angel Wings (smells like cotton candy) when I have money in the bank.

Hard to believe that in 2 days Leviathan turns 7 years old!  SEVEN!  Wow.  Where has the time gone!  Hopefully she'll live another 18 years and hit the maximum age.  I love that lil serpent.  She makes my heart happy.

Dreamt the other night of a weretiger with a snake tattooed on his right shoulder and of a tropical island I was protecting.  He lived on the island and I had to prove to him I wasn't with the people that were trying to cut down the forest.  A fairly interesting dream. 

David's birthday is in 9 days.  I need to email the cookie lady and make sure we're on schedule for his fancy Batman cookies.  And I need to run to the dollar store and pick up balloons and streamers.  I plan to decorate his doorway for his birthday.  I don't have a ton of money, so I can't get him a whole lot, but I do plan to do whatever I can to make it a special day for him.

Saturday night we sat up until 6 am talking.  Hashing out a lot of things and talking about the future.  He's been a lot more loving and I just adore that. 

We've been hit hard financially, but we're slowly making a come back. 
His job is changing.  It's going BACK to just support, which he LOVES doing, so that's a good thing.  And he has the potential to make a bit more money, and that's always a good thing.

I can't remember if I've mentioned it or not, and I'm too lazy to go searching....
My mom's offered to fly us up to see David's parents as a Christmas present to us both.  Very cool of her.  I've only met David's parents once and that was 3 years ago.  So now we're just waiting for David to have the time off and then we're going.  We're looking at December/January as possible times to go.  David's super excited about seeing them again.  We'd go tomorrow if he had the time off.  *chuckles*  But by December, he'll have the time, and we'll just pick a weekend to go.  We're planning to fly out on a Friday and come back on a Monday, that way we won't miss as much work but have time to really visit.