Mabon Ideas

ART: Cernunnos

I've finally figured out which Sabbat I'm going to write a ritual for (as a part of my 1st Degree Initiation work).
I'm doing Mabon, the Autumn Equinox.  And I'll be invoking Cernunnos for sure to play a role in the ritual.
Basically, Mabon is a time of balance, as the balance between night and day are met.  After Mabon, the nights begin to lengthen.  This is also the 2nd harvest and a perfect time to give thanks for what you have accomplished in the year thus far.  The stag is prominent at this time, as this is when hunting generally begins. 

So for my ritual, I'm thinking of using one of the antlers I have (linked to the Stag) and it will be passed around.  Each person will say a thing they are grateful for this past year and something they plan to "hunt" for the autumn time.  Maybe tie something to the antler (ribbon? white for gratitude and red for the hunt?).  The High Priest, who will embody Cernunnos, could hold the antler to each member as they state their gratitude and hunt and tie on their ribbons.  I'm still kicking around that idea.  Or, the ribbons could already be tied to the antler and the High Priest brings it around to each member and they untie a ribbon and take it home to be place on their own altar?  And we could do cord magick with the ribbons to bind in the blessings and energy for the hunt.  Maybe even use two antlers, one with white ribbons and one with red ribbons.  I dunno yet.  I've just got the initial plan.  It still needs a LOT of work.  *chuckles*

Feeling a bit melancholy today.  It started last night and I'm not sure what the issue is.  I'm restless and moody, just sad for no reason.  I've been taking my meds like I'm supposed to, so I'm not sure what the cause is.  *shrugs*  Hopefully it will pass soon.
 

Shiny New Toy

Look at what my uncle recently got and is planning to bring down with him this weekend:


It's a Saiga AK-47 with a night scope.
I'm hoping he'll let me shoot it. 
Mom's got land we can go try it out on, which is what he's suggesting.  But I doubt he'll have thought of me wanting to fire it. 
And Logan (my brother) isn't coming down this weekend (we're having a family reunion), so it would be kind of sweet to get to fire this before Logan gets to.  *grins*

Lessons from a God

I don't know why I let people get under my skin so easily at times. 

The "friend" who made the comment, hoping that whatever I was doing, I wasn't opening myself up to demonic influences in regards to a post I made about finally being called upon by a god....she's an on-line buddy.  And not even a close one at that.  So honestly, I don't give two shits about her opinion. 

And given that I've been Wiccan/Pagan/Heathen for 18 years, down here in the good ole South (read BIBLE BELT), you would think I would be used to this by now.  At least she was expressing concern instead of just outright damning my soul to hell.  She really was rather polite about it (I've certainly had worse happen), but still, I don't like being "worried" over that I'm playing with demons.

How can the natural world be anything but Divine? 

I took a walk tonight, totally on a whim, at 9:45 pm.  I felt the pull and I went with it, just like I felt the pull of the god and went with that.  And, like the pull of the god, this pull turned out to be exactly what I needed.

I've been brooding over various things (aka MONEY) and decided to take a walk with Holly (gotta have a large black dog that looks menacing for me to walk around here alone, after dark).  Part of it too, was to take back some power.  See, last night David and I were watching the tv series Numb3rs and it was an episode on sexual assault -- namely the women went with a cop, who they thought they could trust, and he drugged and raped them.  It ran some serious parallels to my own rape (thought I could trust the guy but ended up drugged and raped) and it opened up some wounds that I thought had healed over, but obviously hadn't.  So part of it was to get out there and take back the power I'd lost. 

And man, did the walk do me wonders.

First came upon one of our local cottontail rabbits.
Rabbit is the totem of fear....healthy fear that keeps you safe and keeps you out of danger....though, if left unchecked, it can swing over into the damaging aspect of paranoia and crippling fears.  Something I was struggling with.

Next up came all the frogs, happily singing out their love songs.
Frog symbolizes metamorphosis and of coming into your own personal power.  Definitely on the right path.

And then, I came across a feather in the dark.

A battered and very worn Great Horned Owl feather.
Owl's power is the ability to see in the dark...to peer into the yawning abyss and know that at the end of it is not death, simply transformation.  Owl teaches you to pay attention to that little voice of intuition (which I've been doing more of lately already).

And I heard Kernunnos whisper in my ear, "Yes the feather is battered and scarred, but that does not take away from its innate beauty and certainly does not take away from the strength and magnificence of the bird that left it behind.  Just as your scars and imperfections do not limit you, unless you allow them to."

So the feather is currently sitting upon my altar, a place of honor.  I've lit incense and made my thanks to the Goddess, the God, and Owl for these gifts of wisdom.

I feel my soul uncurling inside and filling up every part of my body once more. 
How can this be evil?

Bothersome People *Edit*

I get so tired of "concerned" Christians warning me I'm messing with demons or devils...or that I'm damning my soul because I refuse to follow their narrow path of what they believe is right. 

Don't get me wrong, I know that these friends mean well.  They are concerned with what I'm doing.  But geez, let's find a NEW thing to say, ok? 

So let me clear the air:

I don't worship the Christian Devil.  Never met him.  Never invoked him.  Never worked with him in ANY ritual I've performed or been a part of.  The Christian Devil is just that, a CHRISTIAN "deity" (now I know that I'll get some flack on that, but honestly, he's like a demi-god).

The Vision Quest doesn't open me up to demonic influences any more than a Catholic mass does.  It puts me in touch with the Creator and my inner Self.  Nothing demonic there.

Just because my god has antlers doesn't mean He's Satan.
And just because my goddess has a lioness's head doesn't mean She's demonic either.  Though, She did almost destroy humanity once upon a time....but that was at Ra's request.  *chuckles*

I get that Christian believe that anyone who isn't Christian won't get into heaven (though the Pope has stated now that if you live a virtuous life, regardless of faith, or no faith, you get in), but please, stop trying to convert me.  I left Christianity of my own choice 18 years ago.  And I'm doing just fine.  Live and let live already.  Stop trying to bring me back into the flock.  I'm a Wolf.  Let's leave it at that.  Don't try to convert me and I won't eat you.  I'll stick with deer and whatnot, instead, ok?

~*~*~Edit~*~*~
I figured out why this bothers me so much and I've found the words to properly explain it.
I had a wonderful, spiritual encounter with a deity.  And now someone wants to equate it to demons.  I mean, how insulting is that?  Even if you meant well, you are shitting all over my beautiful spiritual experience.  You are discounting my faith and my beliefs and superimposing your own on it and branding it evil.  Can you understand why I would be so upset?

Crying for a Vision

ART: Jolara Priestess

The pull to do another Vision Quest has come on me very suddenly and very strongly.
I feel the desire to return to New Mexico and sit out on the mountain for 3 days and 3 nights.
Hell, I don't even have to go to New Mexico.  My mom's got land that could easily be used for this.  Though, I would have to worry about the wild hogs.  Those guys wouldn't be fun to run into.

I feel so out of touch with today's world.  All the technology, that I do love, bores me now. 

So much is changing for me spiritually.

A god has finally appeared, after 18 years of silence.  And honestly, the one that has come calling doesn't surprise me at all.  Cernunnos, the antlered god of the wild beasts is laying claim to me.  And honestly, I'm excited at the prospect.  That surprises me. 

Christianity left a very bad taste in my mouth and I've run as far and as fast as I could from the male divinity.  I've been a goddess worshipper long now that I was ever a Christian.  And so, to have me accept a god....well, that's a little shocking to be honest.  But maybe this will bring the needed balance back into my life. 

But back to the Vision Quest.
I've decided that I'm going to do one for my 35th birthday. 
Sadly, the medicine man that I did my first Quest with doesn't do them any more.  But maybe I can find another.  And even if I can't....I can do one out on my Mom's land.  A phone and a gun, and I should be fine.  *laughs*  The downside to doing it on my Mom's land is that I don't have a medicine man there for the spiritual protection and I wouldn't have the beginning and ending Sweat Lodges.

I'm off to do more research on this...

Like a Bouncy Ball

This is going to be a whole mess of stuff, so excuse me for jumping from topic to topic.  Hope ya can follow my trail of madness.

HURRAY THE SCHOOL YEAR IS OFFICIALLY OVER!!!!!! And we all survived it.  That is a huge feat, given how psycho some of the parents are. 
Today was also Natalie's last day (she's going to Texas Tech in the Fall, so won't be working with us anymore).  She was sweet and gave me a $20 Starbucks giftcard (because everyone knows of my serious addiction) for being such an awesome boss.  This is what she wrote on the lil card which totally made my day:
"You truly have been the greatest boss and I have enjoyed working for you and with you.  Thanks for everything!  I'll miss you!"
Awww, it's nice to know my awesomeness is recognized.  *laughs*  But seriously, ego-stroking aside, Natalie is my top notch employee and I REALLY hate to see her go.  But I know Tech is gonna be awesome for her, so I wish her all the best.

She's not leaving until closer to the start of the semester, so we do have plans to hang out a few times before then.  And this is something I actually see myself following through on.  She's just that awesome. 

Changing gears -- Leviathan shed last night.  She got tired about half way through, so I got to help her the rest of the way.  Which was so friggin' awesome.  Yeah, yeah, I know I'm weird.  Who else would get giddy over helping a snake shed?  *laughs*  Anyways, the great news is that this is the first shed since Project Mite Annihilation, and I'm THRILLED to report that her eyes are back to normal.  Talk about a HUGE weight off of my shoulders, as her eyes were TERRIBLE.  And I felt like a horrid snake mommy.  But she's all good.  And I'm going to make sure to do the 2nd round of Project Mite Annihilation at the end of this month to make sure those lil bastards stay gone.  I plan to write a letter to LLL Reptile (that's who I got the Annihilation plans AND chemical warfare agents from) and express my gratitude.  I'm THAT relieved.  That $30 was worth every penny.  And I've got a ton left over, so I may treat for the next 3 months, just to make super sure the mites are gone.  They had me so worried about my little snake.  I'm very attached to her.

In 4 months, Leviathan turns SEVEN.  I can hardly believe that.  And if I take good care of her, I could easily have her for another 7 to 18 years (18, if she hits the maximum age for a corn snake).  So now that she's all healthy again, expect good photos soon, so I can show off her beauty some more.  Such a pretty lavender snake.

Speaking of her hatch-day coming up -- I call it her hatch-day because she was hatched, not born, so she can't have a birthday -- I'll continue my practice of making a photocard collage of her photos from this year and send them out.  If you want one, leave your address for me, and I'll add ya to the list!  And, no, I won't be offended if you aren't interested.  I know snakes aren't everyone's favorite critters.  Even though they are awesome, in my not-so-humble-opinion.

Rune class this weekend.  I'm looking forward to it, even though my attention to the Runes has lagged here recently.  But most of the Coven should be able to make it, which will be nice. 

So I've got the next 5 days off and then it's to work at the Summer Camp.  I wish I could take this summer off, but hopefully this will be the last summer I have to work.  I'm registered to take my Teacher Test on July 6th.  I'm freaking out a bit about it, but I'll be ok.  I need to review the math again, and look over social studies.  Those were the two areas I did the poorest on the practice test.  And I should probably look over the test material again too, while I'm at it. 

Since I'm working the mornings for the Summer Camp, I'll have my afternoons free.  I plan to walk Holly, do some studying, and then some working out.  I've seriously got to try to slim down.  And not just for Logan's wedding.  I'm tipping the scales at just over 200 pounds -- my heaviest ever and I can feel it in my body.  I'm sluggish and both knees ache.  I'd like to be down to 170 by the end of the year.  But more than that, I'd like to be a size 10 or less once again.  I'm forgoing the elliptical, as it is really making my knees ache now.  Instead, I have a walking/exercising dvd that my mom bought me, and then a handful of weight-lifting exercises to do.  Oh, and I'll toss in the physical therapy exercises too, because I need to build up the strength in my knee again before I can add in the elliptical again.  I'm hoping to walk Holly twice a day, since they'll be short walks due to the heat. 

I'm thinking of turning my last credit card over to my debt consolidation program.  I'm tired of having that weight around my neck, just dragging me down.  Hell, I'm tired of my spending habits dragging me down.  Luckily the meds are helping with a lot of that.  The insane impulse buys are gone.  But boy am I paying for those years I spent unmedicated with a high spending limit on my credit cards.  *shakes her head*  But, ya live and ya learn.  I'm taking the steps to get that all ironed out, and am learning from my mistakes.  Can't ask for much more than that.

*scampers off*

Photos 142 - 152

Photo 142:

Leviathan's been burrowing like crazy.

Photo 143:

Heart-shaped Leviathan.

Photo 144:

Sky

Photo 145:

delicious Hard Cider I had at my High Priest's house.

Photo 146:

Buttons, the pink rattlesnake we saw at the "Snakes of Tarrant County" display at the Fort Worth Nature Center.

Photo 147:

Leviathan bathing as a part of her mite treatment.

Photo 148:

Cloudy evening

Photo 149:

One of my favorite students with her Gazebo, bench, and tree made of Jenga blocks.

Photo 150:

Mushrooms!

Photo 151:

Totally pilfered this.

Photo 152:

More stormy weather....I like how there's just a tiny bit of blue sky poking through the clouds.