Friday, March 31, 2017

Putting Me First

Today’s photo:

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A card sent to me by my Swiss pen pal that she picked up during her vacation to Cambodia.

Tomorrow is the first day of April and it marks the beginning of the next round of the NaJoWriMo challenge. I am aiming for an entry a day and a monthly goal of 15,000 words.

My focus for the month is Self-Care. I have really let almost all of my self-care (even basic self-care, if we are being honest here) slide away due to a round of major depression. But since that fog has lifted, I have decided I really need to put my health at the forefront. I ain’t getting any younger and if I don’t start taking care of myself, I’m really going to pay for it later.

I also need to look at classes for the Fall Semester and submit my choices for advisor approval. Hopefully the next round of classes will be more enjoyable than this semester’s classes.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Thankful Thursday #13

Today’s Photo:

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Baby pine cone!

I am thankful…
1. That we weathered both nasty storms that blew through our area this week with very minimal damage to our property. A few downed branches, but no hail damage to our cars or our roof thank goodness.
2. Taking Josey for long walks daily. It benefits us BOTH greatly, and the more often I walk her, the more she remembers about how to behave on leash. So note to self: DON’T STOP NOW!
3. Frosted strawberry poptarts. These are my current addiction.
4. Pen pal letters that I am FINALLY responding to.
5. The month of March is winding down and is almost over and done with. It just brings me another step closer to being done with this semester of college.
6. That this week is almost over. I swear, the weeks get crazier and crazier the closer we get to the end of the year.
7. Already working on a set of fun summer time goals. Hopefully I actually accomplish some of them this time around. ::chuckles:: I ADORE making goals…I just lack the follow through at times.
8. Feeling comfortable in my skin once again. Every so often, it gets too restrictive and it’s hard to breathe. But then I shed that skin, and begin anew.
9. My amazing rosebush, given to me by Paula, that is blooming up a storm right now.
10. I received notification today that a beautiful art print by the AMAZINGLY talented Ravynne Phelan has been shipped. Sucks that it’s coming all the way from Australia, which means a LONG wait time, but it will soooo be worth it.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Incense

written: March 29th

A major storm (second major one this week) blew through around 2 am this morning. I was honestly worried for a second or two, the winds were so strong. I called out to Set and to the Harpies, promising incense offerings if they would protect my home and all of us who reside within it AND to protect our cars as well.

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We’re all still here and are all fine, so I kept up my end of the bargain. Both got Dragon’s Blood incense. I recently picked up the incense and wanted to test it out to see how it measured up to Harvest Moon Haven’s Dragon’s Blood. This HEM Dragon’s Blood isn’t nearly as good as Harvest Moon Haven’s Dragon’s Blood. HEM had a very masculine aroma – like an undertone of cologne. Nice, but not what I got from the Harvest Moon Haven’s Dragon’s Blood.

Speaking of Harvest Moon Haven, I’ve put in an order with her. Hopefully she’ll ship them soon. Can’t wait! Seriously, if you love incense, I HIGHLY recommend Harvest Moon Haven. She’s truly amazing.

Today’s photo is what I saw from my bathroom window earlier this evening:

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Gorgeous first blush of a sunset.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Roses & Mania

Forgot to share yesterday’s photo.
It’s not the best quality, but it shows off HALF of my rosebush in bloom:

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You know, I’ve never been a huge plant person, but I am IN LOVE with this rosebush. And I want another rosebush now to keep Clover Bush (what I’ve named this rosebush) company. But I want one with deep, dark red flowers. Paula, who gave me this rosebush, suggested Black Baccara and I want it:

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Isn’t it STUNNING?

Photo for today:

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Seems I’m finally getting my mojo back. Granted, I’m also highly aggressive – clear sign of a manic episode. ::sighs::

I mean, it makes sense. I’ve been in a depressed state for the last MONTH or so….so of course I would swing back the other direction. I’ll just have to keep a lid on the aggression and let it out in healthy ways – like long walks with Josey or using the elliptical.

But it was nice to be able to draw a little something AND color it completely. I made it for a student, and now three others have requested snakes of their own. ::chuckles:: Hopefully the creativity will stay long enough for me to get those made. Here’s hoping for the best!

Monday, March 27, 2017

A Stab In The Gut

I came across this artwork on FaceBook and damn near burst into tears.

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Artwork by “IguanaMouth” on Tumblr (because, I ALWAYS believe in giving the artist credit for their WORK)

But yeah. Seriously almost broke down over this comic, because it’s so accurate. SO. FUCKING. ACCURATE.

Especially with my depression. It usually strikes when everything is going GOOD. But I just can’t fully enjoy it. Because I’m hemorrhaging darkness like this comic illustrates. Even though I’m doing everything RIGHT.

Like, I was worried because I finally ran out of the St. John’s Wort that I’ve been taking. And I’ve been too damn lazy/depressed to tolerate Walmart to buy more.

And you know what? I’m actually doing BETTER now that I’m NOT taking the St. John’s Wort.

THANKS FUCKED UP BODY CHEMISTRY FOR THIS BULLSHIT.

 Seriously, medicine seems to always have an OPPOSITE effect on me.

Oh here, take some anti-depressants so you won’t be depressed. I become suicidal/homicidal on those, thanks.
Oh here, take some anti-psychotic medications. Has goddamn hallucinations on that.
Oh here, take some Valium to calm your nerves. Goes into full blown hysterics.

Even fucking herbal remedy for depression MAKES ME MORE DEPRESSED. Like what the fuck?

Is there a medication that its side effect IS depression? Can I take that? It might actually CURE my depression.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Puppy Loaf

Photo for today:

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This is Josey’s “puppy loaf” resting position. She does this when she’s waiting for David to come home. ::laughs::

So yeah, David had to work his once a month Sunday shift today. Which was good, because it gave me a lot less distractions, so I was able to get my classwork done. I really need to stop procrastinating and then doing my assignment on the Sunday it’s due. ::chuckles:: At least I did my Preservation one on Saturday. So that counts for something, right?

So yeah, needless to say, I’m a bit worded out now.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Thorns

What’s this? TWO days in a row that I’m following the Capture Your 365 Photo Challenge prompt: Green.

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Yep, that would be my rosebush again. ::chuckles::

It’s a very appropriate photo for me currently. I’m very much putting my thorns out there to keep all the drama at bay.

As much as I would love to rush to my Facebook friends’ aid. I would love to be supportive and wade through their woes and issues and hold their hands for it all.

But I cannot.
I will not.

I’m stretched so damn thin and I can see the Breaking coming. And while I cannot keep it at bay indefinitely….I can, and WILL, take the necessary steps to keep myself as healthy as I can, for as long as I can.

And right now…avoiding drama, both personal and political, is the best I can do for now.
I’ve just got to make it through this semester. Once the summer hits, I’ll have three day weekends again. I will make it a point to rest and relax and just calm down.

Survival

written: March 24th

I know I haven’t been following the 365 photo challenge prompts from Capture Your 365 at all this month, but I liked today’s prompt – “Just a Hint”:

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Starring, of course, my roses. Because I’m absolutely in love with them (namely because they’ve SURVIVED being in my care). ::laughs::

Hell, I even clipped one of the roses to grace my Ostara altar. I’ll need to write about that soon.

But not today. Today’s theme was all about survival. It was an early release school day, which means my after school program starts HOURS earlier than normal. ::sighs::

And, following tradition, because it was an early release day, it RAINED in the morning. ::grumbles:: Which means we can’t take the students outside.

But, the staff and I pitched in and purchase a huge platter of chicken minis from Chick-fil-a for us to enjoy (we had to be at work, clocked in, ready to go at 11:15 am). So that was a pleasant way to start the day.

And then Jess talked with the school librarian and Creepy Tech Guy, and we got Magic School bus streaming through my laptop AND projected up on the big screen we have in the cafeteria.

Friday, March 24, 2017

Thankful Thursday #12

written: March 23rd

Photo of the day:

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I got my high violet fluorite double terminated wand and all the other awesome goodies from Luna Blue Boutique. I’m still waiting to hear back from them as to what the mystery aqua-green stone is. Feels like a fluorite to me as well….calmer though, than the violet one.

I am thankful…
1. Obviously, the amazing gemstone mail I got today from Luna Blue Boutique. I need to write down the properties of this particular wand/point and add it to my grimoire.
2. Nice, quiet Ostara reflection today (even though Ostara was on Monday). ::chuckles:: It wasn’t really a ritual, as no deities were invoked and the Circle was not cast. It was more to just acknowledge the changing of the season – exactly what I did last year. Love it.
3. Caught a small smooth earth snake when I was digging by the rosebush (leaving an offering). He musked me pretty good (it’s a smelly oily substance mixed with fecal matter that snakes emit when trying to convince a predator they wouldn’t taste good). After I snapped a few photos, I turned him back loose where I caught him.
4. Getting letters from my various pen pals and postcards from Postcrossing. Sometimes that makes all the difference in the world between a crap day and a good day.
5. Bluebonnets are beginning to bloom. I love those brilliantly blue flowers.
6. Sharpies that were on sale (just $10 – when they are normally $22) and coloring sheets. I’m getting back into coloring. Maybe this will help spring me back into drawing and coloring my own Mandalas once again.
7. Domino’s pizza that David treated us to tonight. We haven’t had Domino’s pizza in a while and holy crap it was delicious!
8. That my plants are doing well. The rosebush is doing AMAZING. And the crape myrtle we planted in Holly’s memory is leafing out so well. Can’t wait for that to start blooming as well.
9. Leviathan had a great visit up to my after school program yesterday and I got some truly AWESOME photos of her and the students. I love that they enjoy her so much.
10. For all the amazing things I am truly figuring out in my Path…and that for everything thing I figure out, I realize that there are 2 more things I don’t have figured out. And I am grateful for the known and the Unknown. And that I am ok with not knowing everything right this second. Life truly is all about the Journey for me…not the Destination so much.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Clover

Photo for today:

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The same rose as yesterday, but definitely more open. I nicknamed it the Clover Rose, as the petals make a shape that resembles (at least to my eye) a four-leaf clover.

I slept for absolute SHIT last night. Up every single hour. And that’s WITH taking Benadryl! ::grumbles::

But I am calmer today. And I just got an email back from the Father of the drama bomb from yesterday. Daughter won’t be at the after school program today, but that he would like for me to call him so we can talk about yesterday’s situation – I had emailed him yesterday about it. Father is a bit quirky like his Daughter, but has always been very rational whenever I’ve talked to him, so I’m hoping we can have a very productive conversation about the entire situation. So here’s hoping for a good talk!

Unloading

written: March 21st

Photo of the day:

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The roses are finally starting to open! Woohoo! ::super happy dance::

Hmmm, it’s the day after Ostara (Spring Equinox)….and guess what? I still have NOT celebrated it. ::chuckles::

I’ve noticed that I tend to celebrate each Esbat and Sabbat a day or two AFTER they occur. I guess I’m just THAT contrary. ::chuckles::

Work had a huge drama bomb go off due to my most Hated Grandparent. ::sighs:: It doesn’t shock me one bit. In Hated Grandmother’s eyes, her granddaughter is ALWAYS the victim. And the world is ALWAYS out to crush the granddaughter’s very soul.

Sorry, but no she isn’t. And no, the world isn’t. But granddaughter has learned if she cries wolf to Grandma, then Grandma goes on a rampage. I’m honestly sick of the shit. I really wish I could just fire Grandma as a customer. Granddaughter is quirky, yes. But that’s fine. I can handle quirky. But Grandma? She needs to stop teaching her granddaughter to always see herself as the VICTIM. So of course, granddaughter doesn’t know how to WORK through the minor spats that come from being a 3rd grader with other children…because Grandma always swoops in.

ANYWAYS. Because I was still ramped up from having Grandma unload on me with both fucking barrels only to RELOAD and do it again…..I got my very stiff and sore Self on the elliptical again. Did another 20 minutes, but it wasn’t nearly as easy or as fast as the “run” I did on Sunday. ::laughs:: But I DID the 20 minutes, so that’s gotta count for something! ::chuckles::

Husband has Friday off (because he has to work Sunday), and he’s hoping to set up the weight machine then. I’ve expressed an interest in using it and he’s wanting to get back to using it as well, so hopefully he’ll get it set up then.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Stop

written: March 20th



Photo of the Day:

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I don’t think Josey quite grasps how a selfie works……

Late night entry:

I had forgotten how taxing it is to be Connected, to be in Touch.
I find myself utterly exhausted long before my day is done.
I find myself disConnecting. Like wanting nothing more than to clap my hands over my ears to drown out the Noise. Clenching my eyes tightly closed to block out the Sight. And I’m not just talking about Spiritual Matters.

I am wrung out with all the Call To Arms. And don’t get me wrong. They are all truly worthy causes and I wish I could take up arms and battle for each and every single one of them.

But there are so many. Environment, Education, Women’s Rights, Reproductive Rights, Affordable Health Care, LGBTQ Rights, Religious Freedom, Anti-(insert whatever hate group is being the loudest at the moment), Immigrant Rights, Anti-Stupid-Ass-Wall, Rooting out Political Corruption, Stopping the Dakota Access Pipeline, Knowing if Russia Tampered with our Goddamn Election, Stop Fucking Poking North Korea for fuck’s sake, and don’t even get me started on the fucking Narcissist ManBaby Mr. President Angry Tangerine muthafucka, and all the horrible shit he’s doing on a minute-to-minute basis.

It just needs to stop. I’ve got to stop. My brain and heart and spirit are on overload and are burnt the fuck up. Let me catch my breath.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Harpies' Purpose

I am seriously digging the late night / early morning writings I do right before I go to bed.

I had a good, long jog on the elliptical yesterday that brought so many swirling ideas to the surface. And because I had committed to doing 20 minutes, I wasn’t able to distract myself from them. I had to face them, Zen with them, and let them crystallize as they saw fit. And that’s part of the reason why the High Alert Energy has dissipated. Sure some of that is because I got my rickety old ass on the elliptical and did something physical for 20 minutes. But the other part is because I had nothing to distract my mind and running (ok, ok, it’s a lot more like JOGGING at the moment, but I’ll work up to the running part soon enough) streamlines my thoughts. I do not understand why I tend to forget that. And when I forget that, the chaos swirls too deeply.

So I touched on the subject briefly yesterday, the thoughts and ideas and goals that crystallized in my jogging time. But I feel I didn’t do the subject justice. While the ideas and thoughts and goals had crystallized in my MIND, I had not formulated the words properly yet. So yesterday’s energy was more of a word vomit…just to get the idea down on paper. But last night’s Muse did a bit better. This is what I wrote around 1:30 am:

Imagine, little Wolf Cub, what all you can accomplish when you simply let go of your FEARS.

That is the purpose now that the Harpies have told me – I am to feed my fears to them. This will release my chained up Spirit…it will allow me to fly free once again.

Fears, both large and small, both well-founded and fully irrational, weigh me down. I cannot soar to my true glory as long as I allow myself to be chained.

So I need to feed them to the Harpies. They need to be suspended, away from me for a time. Only then can I see the Truth.
My honest potential.

What would dare hold me back when I am called to take to the skies among the Harpy flock? Even Fear itself quakes before the Harpies’ gaze.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Choosing Me

Photo of the day:

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 Awesome new mug we got. The neighbors, Ken and Paula, finally came over to introduce themselves. Paula works for a company that sells kitchen stuff. So they gave us a set of knives, and TWO sets of these dishes. So awesome!

So I decided to use all that On High Alert Energy and got my punk ass on the elliptical. I haven’t used it in over a month, but I’m done being a lazy ass. I’m done feeling sorry for myself and stuffing my face full of whatever I can get my hands on.

Out of the Abyss

I am not meant for sunshine
..rainbows
…doves
……or angels.

I am made of twilight gossamer
…strung by moonlight
……where the wolfsbane blooms
……………..and the Harpies roost.

I am made of ocean’s cold abyss
…lair of the Leviathan
……coiled within Tiamat’s winged embrace

It is the ancient draconic She
…who lays claim to me
It is the ancient lioness She
…who lays claim to me
It is the ancient female Alpha and Omega
..Creatrix and Destroyer
…..who sings my Soul Song

It is my thick serpentine scales
..that protect me
….as I plunge into the Abyss

It is my keen lupine eyes
..that allow me to see
…..Beyond the Dark
……..as I traverse the Trackless Path

And it is my harpian wings
..that shall allow me
……to soar once more
………….Once I am Reborn
…………………..Out of the Abyss

High Alert

written: March 18th

This is how we study in MY house:

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Book on my right knee. Note taking on the left knee. Pit bull in the middle. ::laughs:: She left shortly after this photo and I was able to get some studying done for class.

I haven’t been in a very good headspace consistently for a while now. I’ll have bad days. I’ll have better days. And rarely it seems, do I actually have good days. I’m talking days that are level the entire day. I usually bottom out towards the evening and I hate that.

I’m not in crisis mode. I’m not an actual danger to myself (neither suicidal, nor homicidal, nor even really self-injurious). But I’m still in….high alert. I guess that would be the term I would use. It’s the level under crisis.

I am not sure why I’m still on high alert.

Amber is gone from my campus. That should all be behind me now.
I still need to bring Ricky up to speed and remind my current staff what my expectations are.
But, that is small potatoes compared to the insanity of working with Amber.

So why am I still on high alert?

The major paper that was due before Spring Break is done. Hell, I even earned a 98 on it! Damn shocking, as I thought I had done a shitty job on it and wasn’t even for sure that I had answered the question posed. I have a tendency to go off tangent, and while you can follow me down the rabbit hole, and can hopefully follow my line of logic, it doesn’t always endear me to answering the at hand. But I did the paper. I earned a very high A on it.

So why am I still on high alert?

I wish I knew.
I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
The air feels heavy around me. Charged with electricity. The way it feels right before one hell of a storm blows in.
I need a storm. I need to stand out in the heart of it. Let it wash away the dust and grime of mundane living from my Wolfen Soul.
I guess that’s to be expected after dancing with the Harpies on a Full Moon. ::chuckles ruefully::

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Happy Saint Patrick's Day

written:  March 17th

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! In the Pagan spirit of the holiday, I thought it would be the perfect time to get some photos of Leviathan, my ever-lovely lavender corn snake.

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She’s my gorgeous girl.

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Hard to believe she’ll turn 11 years old this September.

With the weather finally turning nice, I hope to have her outside more. I’m even kicking around plans of getting my husband to build her an outdoor enclosure that she can enjoy while Josey and I sit outside and enjoy the day.

Leviathan is a bit “hefty”, so some outdoor exercise and good ole Vitamin D straight from the sun would do her a lot of good.

And while we’re on the topic of exercise and heftiness and all that jazz….I GOT to get my ass back to working out. Hopefully, the husband can put our weight machine together this week and I can start working out once again.

Hmmm, seems my husband has a lot to do! ::laughs::

Friday, March 17, 2017

Thankful Thursday #11

written: March 16th

Photo of the day:

Well, shit. Photobucket is being a BITCH again and won’t let me upload my AMAZING photo of the Ramen noodles I was eating. So once Photobucket is done being a bitch, I’ll load the photo here. For now, you’ll just have to visualize a bowl of Ramen noodles. ::laughs::

Alright, here’s the Ramen photo:

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Mmmmm, Ramen noodles.

I am thankful…
1. An entire week off of work and school work. It’s been AMAZING (barring the crazy eye incident).
2. Naps during the day when they are most needed. Even if they give me some crazy fucked up dreams. ::laughs::
3. Binge-watching Lost with my husband. He’s seen most of it already but it’s nice to watch it with him.
4. Simple pleasures – green apple Gatorade, Ramen noodles, madeleines, and coffee with marshmallows.
5. Having two NORMAL eyes. After my left eye blew up early morning Wednesday, this is something I am very grateful for.
6. Staying centered and calm during a “not all men” discussion with a male friend of mine. The conversation is far from over, but it did open up some good conversations with my husband on the topic with gave both of us a perspective on the situation that we hadn’t previously thought of (my husband and I, not my friend).
7. Beautiful Full Storm Moon ritual I had, even if the hubs and the puppy accidentally interrupted it half way through. ::chuckles::
8. Trying out Kimzey’s Coffee Shop with the hubs. Holy hell, it was great. I can’t wait to go back and get another one of their cinnamon rolls of DOOM. Luckily, David and I split it, which is why neither of us died of a sugar overdose. ::chuckles::
9. I mailed out my #TheIdesOfTrump postcards yesterday. I wrote to him about the things I do not agree with that he’s doing currently. And I hope the White House is BURIED under a flurry of angry postcards from all over the United States from people who refuse to go along with his insanity.
10. That I have been so deep in my vacation mode that when my alarm went off this morning (to take David’s car to the shop for an oil change), I did not recognize the sound. ::laughs::

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Marshmallows...eyes and drinks

So apparently, the new fun thing to do while on Spring Break is to get a nasty, severe, allergic reaction in your eye and have it blow up like this:

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These photos are from 1:45 am on Wednesday:

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Yeah, needless to say I took my ass to the emergency clinic.

I stayed there until 3:15, when the swelling finally started to go down:

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Look, Ma! I can see! Kinda. ::laughs::

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Now that it’s been a full 24 hours, most of the swelling has gone down.

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At this point, I’m the only one that can see the tiny bit of swelling that is still hanging on. I don’t have a photo of that because I’m mostly back to my normal self. ::chuckles::

So that takes care of yesterday’s photo (for the 365 Photo Challenge).

Today’s photo:

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It’s all about the simple pleasures in life – hot chocolate coffee with small marshmallows.

Full Storm Moon

written: March 14th

So the Full Storm/Crow Moon was on March 12th, but I opted to do my ritual on the 13th. Lucky number and all. ::chuckles::

And seeing as how this month’s full moon is called the Storm and/or Crow moon, I thought it would be a PERFECT moon to celebrate my beloved Harpies. Besides, it gave me an excuse to dust off the harpy mask I have.

I stripped down the altar and set it up in the Harpies’ honor. Lots of black and white, bones and feathers:

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Close up of the “center piece” – a clear skull jar filled with storm water, a permanent offering for the Harpies. Antlers, feathers, candles, and stones.

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Altar by candle light:

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Me in the Harpy mask by candle light:

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Me in the Harpy mask with the lights on:

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Me unmasked:


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All in all, a nice ritual to just say a heartfelt thank you to the Harpies for all they have done and taught me thus far. And to hopefully strengthen the bond we have and continue it throughout the year.

And this is what was waiting for me once I finished my ritual:

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My two goobs! ::laughs::

Monday, March 13, 2017

Kimzey's Coffee

So there’s a new coffee shop that’s opened up “fairly” close to us. And since we have the entire week off (David took the week off), we decided to go check it out.

I got a Chai Tea Latte:

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And it was pretty damn tasty. Better than Starbucks, if we’re being honest. ::chuckles::

Awesome photo of David scoping my Chai. He got a Cappuccino (though next time he’ll try their Mocha Latte).

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Me and my Chai:

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And we got the Whimsical Bun (a truly AMAZING cinnamon bun of AWESOMENESS):

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Seriously. While the coffee wasn’t that great (in David’s appointment), we’ve already agreed we would totally go back for that damn cinnamon bun. ::laughs::

David and I, in front of Kimzey’s Coffee shop. This place is so damn cute. ::laughs::

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Can’t wait to go back again to get that cinnamon bun again. But I’ve gotta burn off that shit ton of calories first.

Moon Mutterings

This entry was written early, early this morning.

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I feel like a fraudulent witch. I rarely have a major “goal” or “working” as the center of my rituals – be they lunar (Esbats) or Solar (Sabbats) based. All these other witches are casting this spell or that spell. They are creating poppets and sigils and concocting potions and spell bottles. They are making these Great Things ™ for the Gods/Spirits.

And I am over here, just celebrating the connection. That’s what I am seeking. I don’t celebrate the turning of the seasons with any particular goal in mind other than just connecting with something (anything) greater than myself – hell anything different than myself. I mark the movement of time, but simply to mark its passing.

Everyone else has their lives mapped out. They have tidy goals for their lives with well-defined plans of attack. And I’m just over here, slowly embracing the fact that this will never be who I am. I am the feral animal, playing in the woods, floating through life, with these amorphous, vague dreams. So why would my Witchcraft mimic another’s Practice, when even our lives are so drastically different?

But that’s the amazing beauty at the core of Witchcraft – it is tailor made to the person’s individual Practice. I just need to embrace it more, trust my Soul to lead the Way. It ain’t called the Trackless Path for nothing.

So I don’t need an external “purpose” to my rituals. It is enough that I want to celebrate, to mark the grains of sand as they slip through my wolfen hands, to connect to Whatever-it-is-that-I-connect with. I need to just run with it and stop thinking about it so much.

Trust your Spirit, SheWolf. She knows the Way.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Blue Kyanite & Black Tourmaline

Photo for today:

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My tumbled Blue Kyanite and Black Tourmaline stone I purchased from Sage Goddess.

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It’s a difficult stone to capture the blue…it’s a very dark blue.

Notes on this stone (to be included in my grimoire):
  • Tool for tranquility, alignment, grounding, and protection
  • Blue Kyanite = brings instant chakra alignment; a calming stone that draws you inward toward your core, strengthening your will and vision
  • Black Tourmaline = shields your personal energy from intrusion; acts as protective armor around people and places, preventing theft and crime, grounding you, and creating safe space

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Dust is Settling

Photo for today:

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I re-discovered some cinnamon-sugar almonds Angie made and sent me back in December. Now, in my defense, she sent a big ole box of goodies, and somehow in the feeding frenzy that ensued, these got stashed away and I just now found them again.

They were delicious.

Tomorrow is the Full Moon – called the Crow or Storm moon. Seems to be a perfect moon to honor the Harpies. And yet, I haven’t planned anything beyond that.

Of course, with the utter insanity that was this week prior to Spring Break, that is understandable. Kind of hard to plan for a full moon ritual when your work situation is a flaming pile of shit AND you have a massive paper to write…all at once. Man, that was a vicious week.

But Amber’s gone to another campus now and isn’t my problem anymore. I had a meeting with Gail about it (which was some serious bullshit, but at least I was paid for the time at least). And now Ricky is on my campus.

I’ll have to bring him up to speed on how I run things on my campus. And stay on him enough to make sure he does. But I have faith I can get him up to speed.

If nothing else, it’s just 11 weeks until the end of the school year – 51 days. But who’s counting? ::laughs::

Worded Out

written: March 10th

Photo for today:

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My little rose bush is getting close to popping two blossoms. Can’t wait. And there are a ton of other little ones I’ve spotted all over the bush. I’m rather excited.

I finished up my Midterm Paper and turned it in. Word count on that paper was 1,918 words total – lemme tell you. That’s a whole lot of writing.

Friday, March 10, 2017

Thankful Thursday 10

written: March 9th

Photo for today:

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Apparently I am a comfortable headrest. ::chuckles::

I am thankful…
1. I’m halfway through writing my midterm paper. I’ve made it through the oh-so-boring copyright section of the paper and am now on to the more interesting “issues with selection and censorship of digital collections”.
2. Amber is finally off my campus. I wish her the best, but I am so fucking glad she’s gone.
3. MoonTime is over and done with. I need to do some research into the Red Tent and other menstrual-positive ideas. I’m going to be menstruating for a NUMBER of more years, so I might as well find a positive spin to put on it.
4. Doing a little Spring Cleaning on my FaceBook page – had to cull out a “meninist” from my friend’s list. He commented on a photo I shared of a lil old lady swinging her purse to hit a Nazi in the head, stating that if I were to resort to violence, that would make me just as bad. In his words, attacking a Nazi would make me just as bad as a Nazi. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, kicked that shit to the curb and haven’t looked back.
5. That next week is Spring Break. I am so fucking ready.
6. Finally have Ricky on my campus. He was one of my first after school students in this program so it’s kind of cool and humbling all at the same time that he’s now working for me.
7. My awesome, mostly comfortable bed. And the fact that I don’t have to share it with my husband. ::laughs:: I’m a very restless sleeper, so I would only keep us both up most of the night if we did have to share a bed.
8. That Holly’s tree (the rocket red crape myrtle) is finally leafing out. I was a little concerned that it didn’t survive the various freezes we had, but I’m glad all that worrying was for nothing. I can’t wait to see its awesome blossoms later on in the season.
9. My rose bush from Paula is doing very well. The two blossoms I photographed a while back are looking like they are getting ready to bloom soon. And I’ve spotted a ton of others just starting to pop up.
10. That my essential oil vials finally showed up, even after the postman delivered them to the wrong house and they were MIA for five whole days before mysteriously turning up in my mailbox (one that only the postman can get in to…but it happened between mail deliveries, so I have no explanation). Now I can get the various samples put into far more useful vials. And I plan to make up some samples for Brandy and send them her way soon.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Serpent

Photo for today:

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My snake skin necklace – it’s made from a shed of a gaboon viper (my absolute favorite venomous snake), so the snake wasn’t harmed in the making of the necklace. Behind it is my shamrock necklaces (green) and my “happy new year” necklace (gold). Just cheap trinkets that are fun to wear on those “special” days.

Well, I’ve got all the reading done. I did a lot of highlights and writing notes in the margins so I don’t have to read through it all again. I just have to find the notes and read the highlighted sections. Hopefully this will make the paper writing going smoothly and easily. I’ve got the outline already written out, so now it’s just a matter of sitting down and plugging in all the words. That’s the plan for tomorrow. Friday will be all about revision and checking and double checking it over and then I’ll submit it later that evening. And then I’ll start to really enjoy my Spring Break. I so can’t fucking wait for that shit.

Don't Fuck With Me

written: March 7th

Photo for the day:

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That is my “I have a nasty headache that won’t go away, a shitty ass day, so don’t FUCK with me right now” look.

So yeah, Thursday is going to suck. Because we have to have this Round Table Discussion about Amber’s “concerns”. Originally I was supposed to do this tomorrow, but I figured that is a shit-storm and a half and thus Gail NEEDS to be there as a mediator.

We didn’t have Ricky back today and it was amazing how many of the students were already asking about him. Instead we had a substitute, Debbie, who’s much older and has a LOT of health issues. I know. She told me ALL about them.

I am hitting my breaking point. I can’t handle any more stress. I can already feel myself disassociating from the whole work situation. And all the political stuff? I can’t even touch that right now.

I swear, once I get this damn paper written and finish up the work week, I am SLEEPING all of Spring Break.

HOPE

written: March 6th

Photo for the day:

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Soooo apparently I didn’t read the syllabus for my Preservation class too terribly well. The “midterm” due on Friday isn’t an exam. It’s a goddamn paper I have to write. So yeah, that stack of paper in this photo is of the articles I have to READ before I can even begin to write said fucking paper. ::sighs:: Fucking shoot me now. Please.

So Amber’s off my campus today and tomorrow. And then Friday she’ll be at another campus, hopefully permanently.

AND Gail (my supervisor) sent Ricky to my campus – the aide that I’ve been trying to get since last year. He was one of my first students at the after school program and one of my favorites. So when he said last year that he was interested in working at the after school program because he’d be a senior, I walked him through all the step to get hired. I was PISSED when Kelly (upper head boss) told me she had hired him….just not for my campus because I already had a guy on campus. And then that guy (Taylor) got promoted and then I didn’t have a guy on campus.

But yeah, so it was just AMAZING to A) not have Amber on our campus and B) to have Ricky on campus. And it will hopefully be permanent come Friday. I’m not sure why the fuck we are having to wait until then, but whatever.

We just have to survive Wednesday and Thursday with her and then we are home free.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Masquerade

Photo for today:

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My fantasy Harpy Eagle Mask that was made for me by Brenda Lyons back in 2012.

Annie, damn it girl! I need you to come down to Texas on April 30th. One of the local Pagan chapters is hosting a Beltane Masquerade. Hence the photo of the Harpy mask. Now I just gotta figure out the REST of the costume! ::laughs:: Annie, that’s where I need your help!

Damn, I wish Hazel Nut hadn’t gone AWOL. I’d get her to take to me to the local thrift stores and help me pick out a suitable outfit while keeping the price reasonable! This is something I have ZERO skill in doing.

Would it be terrible of me to purchase an Abaya to wear? Or, I guess a better question would be, would it be horribly offensive if I purchased an Abaya (or two or three) to use as ritual robes for my Pagan rituals? Mean, the Abayas I’m looking at are BEAUTIFUL. And I like that they are flowy material and cover everything (aka, are “modest”). And they are so reasonably priced. Or maybe something along the lines of the “Fancy Kaftans” for the masquerade?

Actually, I found this open front Abaya that I really like:

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But the shop is in the UK, so there’s no telling what the shipping cost and time would be.

Maybe I should see if Jen K could make me one? And if so, what she would charge me? And that way I could bring the Harpy mask to her and she could pick out the perfect colors…. I’m terrible at coordinating shit. ::laughs::

Yeah, I think I’ll go with that option. If Jen can’t make it in the time frame I need, maybe then I’ll contact the UK shop and see what my options there would be.

YT Pagan Challenge: Week 7

written: March 4th

Photo from today:

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Apparently, Josey believes I make quite the comfortable place to recline. ::laughs::

Continuing on with the 2017 YouTube Pagan Challenge Questions (in an attempt to get caught up!)…

Week 7: Charging and consecrating your tools – which methods work best for you?

Hmmm, I typically do the “standard” cleansing with sage (to banish any negative energy the item may have) and then with sweetgrass (to call in good energy). Then, in ritual, I bless it with the four elements (earth, air, fire, and water). I present it to Deity and state my intent with it. And then I speak to the item itself, setting down the bond between us. I try to re-bless and cleanse my tools once a year. There’s all sorts of energetic crap they can pick up over time, so I feel once a year is a good time to sage and sweetgrass the items back down. Outside of that, I tend to just “listen” to the item. Some need to be cleansed more often.

Others, seem to fade away. Like my wand. Man, aesthetically, she’s beautiful and I adore her. But actually using her in ritual? It’s a no go. It all feels off. Horribly off. Maybe she needs a deep cleansing and a completely new dedication? I may make that the focus of my Ostara ritual. Normally I would do that on a full moon…but this wand…she’s feeling more sun and fire aligned at the moment. ::shrugs:: If nothing else, it’s worth a shot.