Friday, June 27, 2014

Change in Plans

Never fails. Set down plans and life comes along and throws me a curve ball.

I didn't get to go to the zoo today. A bucket in the highway yesterday took that off the agenda. I hit the bucket doing about 80 miles per hour and now my car is grumbling all about it. It's in the shop currently. Hopefully, it's just a cheap (relatively) and easy fix and not a whole new transmission.
So instead, I decided to purchase myself two books.

I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but I've only read SIX books thus far this year. That's just terrible.

So I decided to pick up two books I've been eying for ages, but just never got around to actually purchasing.  
The Roebuck in the Thicket: An Anthology of the Robert Cochrane Witchcraft Tradition, by Evan John Jones, for some fresh new Pagan reading for myself.
AND  
Unicornis: On the History and Truth of the Unicorn, by Michael Greene, because it looks like an awesome book I read ages and ages ago. I'm hoping it's the same one. Either way, I didn't spend a whole lot on it, so I won't be too disappointed if it isn't.

Those should arrive in the next week or so.

I opted not to go to the Pagan group meeting on Tuesday. I had a migraine late Monday night / EARLY Tuesday morning that put me down for a quite some time. I was just starting to feel human again around 3 pm, so opted to just go ahead and stay home and rest so I could make it in to work the next morning.

And now, I'm debating if I even want to get involved with another Pagan group. I just wish there were groups in Lewisville, so I didn't have to drive a half hour one way to meet up with a group/coven/grove/circle.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

An Awakening

I played hookie from the technology job today. The feeling of wanting to turn my skin inside out was just too strong. I needed a mental health day that was 100% to myself.

And today couldn't have been any better.

I took Holly for a walk through the wooded trails. It's probably been close to a month since the last time I ran my fingers over the various friend trees I have there, and whispered my personal greetings to each of them.

Each tree is an individual. It has a different energy, a different vibration to it. Man, have I missed them.

With Litha barely behind us, the animals are lazy and sluggish with the heat. Two squirrels slowly made their ways up the trees as we passed....neither climbing higher than my head. If I had wanted, I could have easily reached out and touch them.

A cottontail rabbit moved just enough so not to be seen by Holly, but we locked eyes for a bit. She gave me a wary look, practically begging me not to pursue her. It was hot and she had little desire to run. I honored her request and we moved along.

The red-tailed hawks are nesting in the woods. Mom cried for the father. Guess the little ones are hungry. Or maybe she was tired of sitting on the nest alone and simply wanted some company?

And now, there is a storm brewing. The thunder rumbles, barely aduible. But the wind. My god, the wind gusts and blows. This way and that way. The cotton fluffs of the cottonwood tree are spun in every direction. They must be so dizzy.

The storm promises a beautiful show of lightning and rain and thunder. I cannot wait.

I lit some incense, as I customarily do for the Thunder Beings. And was struck with the high desire to smudge down my apartment. Now my apartment feels cleared and smells so good.

I took the remaining incense out on the balcony. I set wards upon the door and my bedroom window, no evil may enter here.

It struck me as odd, as I'm usually very closeted about my religion, my faith, my beliefs. But here I was, tracing pentacles in incense smoke out in public, and I didn't even look around once to see if anyone was out and about. I thought to myself, Let them know a Witch lives here. I'm not afraid any more.

And I'm not.

I'm done hiding who I am. I done trying to fit in, to fit the mold. To not rock the boat.

Some may call me evil. Some may believe I worship the Devil. Some may truly fear me.

But that is all their own perception.

While I wish all could see the Light. That all could learn The Truth. I know it that is not my place to shear the sheep.

My Path lies in the Way of the Wolf, the Way of the Serpent, the Way of the Lioness.

Nature is my sanctuary and I need to remember that more often. I am a feral creature at heart, and need to return to the wilds to recharge.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Wanderlust

Can't shake the feeling of wanting to crawl out of my own skin at the moment. Started last night and I'd hoped that a good night's sleep would cure me of that. But it's still here.

That wanderlust is back so hard. Kind of crazy, considering I just got back from a major Road Trip that took me from Texas to Delaware and then back again. But now that I think about it, I really had to be very social (compared to my normal level of social-ness) on that entire trip. If nothing else, on the drive itself, I was with my husband cooped up in either the car or the hotel room 24/7.
I need something just for me right now.

Tuesday, I'm meeting up with a new group of Pagans/Witches. I'm reserve but have a small spark of hope that maybe they'll be a good fit. Since I've begun studying more and more of the Left-Hand Path, I'm realizing how little I honestly have in common with the standard Pagan. While I've begun to really doubt I'll find a coven that really resonates with me, I do hope that I can at least find a group that will be a good fit to hang out with from time to time and do Pagan things.

And then Friday, seeing as how I have it off of work for both the school technology job and Starbucks, I'm thinking I'll force myself to go to the zoo. I haven't been in ages, and I feel a bit of depression licking around my edges. I'm sure I'll try to talk myself out of going, but I'm going to batten down the hatches and go because I know it will be good for me. I'm hoping that it won't be too terribly crowded and I can just enjoy a nice, leisure pace, bond with my favorite animals there, and just do some photography again.

Disappear

Man, I just want to disappear for a bit. Walk into the woods somewhere with just a small tent and a sleeping bag and go off the grid for a week.

I know it's probably the impending MoonTime that is making me so anti-social. I'm just tired of dealing with all the people's bullshit, mind games, and petty temper-tantrums.

Maybe it's the headache talking. I haven't had one like this in a long time. Serious pain on the top front of my skull and the middle of the back of the skull (slightly above the bulbous curvature of the skull). The light and sound sensitivity. The nausea. And the fact that my standard headache pills took an hour to begin kicking in and even now, two and a half hours later, the dull ache in my skull is still not 100% gone.

Depression blanketed me today. I'm fucking 32 years old. What the hell have I accomplished with my life?

Don't mind me. I'm sure it will all be better in the morning once I sleep and leave this head-space behind. Hopefully, I'll leave the headache behind too. It's hard to be chipper when your head feels like its been slammed in a door.
Repeatedly.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Back

Back from our Crazy Ass Road Trip.
Drove from Texas to Delaware and then back again.
Covered 12 different states.
I'll write about it and share photos soon.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Crossroads

I find myself at a bit of a crossroads currently.

The local school district that operates my after-school program has a summer technology position open. They're responsible for moving computers onto various campuses and doing some basic programming. It's a Monday through Thursday gig, 7:30 am to 4:30 pm at $10 an hour.

I've got the job, even though I'll miss the first week of working.

The crossroads issue stems from the fact that I have no desire to work 36 hours for the school district and then another 12 or so hours with Starbucks. I have to work a minimum of 12 hours to keep my perks and possible benefits (even though I haven't signed up yet for any benefits through Starbucks). I could possibly cut back to just 6 - 8 hours a week at Starbucks, because this technology gig is just for the summer (June 9th through August 15th). I would need something to supplement that pay and once the school years starts up, I would want to continue working at Starbucks to supplement my after-school program pay.

And I need to have all of this figured out by Friday.

As I sat outside, talking with David about this whole situation and getting his opinion on it, a great horned owl flew over head. I haven't seen an owl in ages, and to have one fly by right as I'm discussing this. Well, I just don't believe in coincidences. I need to do some more thinking on this. I need to look into what owl may have been trying to tell me. And I am getting the pull to use my new Tarot cards on this situation too. Man, tomorrow is going to be busy, with me trying to get all of this figured out, and figuring out my summer employment, plus working at my two jobs. * sighs *

Is it vacation time yet?

Sunday, June 1, 2014

100 Things I Want/Need to do this Summer



1. visit David's parents
2. see the Parthenon in Nashville
3. visit a zoo 4 times
4. talk to UNT about a Librarian Science degree
5. attend our Family Reunion (June 28th)
6. welcome my nephew into the world
7. begin a self-defense class
8. hang out with friends 3x (minimum)
9. trip to the public library
10. make candles
11. attend a Prepper meeting
12. feed a Gaboon Viper
13. continue my monthly selfie
14. watch a UFC event
15. celebrate Litha
16. celebrate the June full moon
17. celebrate the July full moon
18. celebrate Lammas
19. celebrate the August full moon
20. make Leviathan's hatch-day card
21. mail out Leviathan's hatch-day card
22. training for ESD (Aug 20 - 22)
23. try out 4 new recipes
24. curb spending
25. get comfortable on bar at Starbucks
26. go hunting for snakes
27. deep clean Leviathan's tank
28. buy another set of sheets for my bed
29. completely dust the living room
30. deep clean my Art Territory
31. deep clean bathroom
32. clean out both closets
33. make 3 crafts from Pinterest
34. get a hair cut
35. put some lavender in my hair
36. paint my toenails monthly
37. complete 3 big goals
38. finish the Vampire Diaries on Netflix
39. watch the fireworks on the 4th of July
40. take photos at the Family Reunion
41. make a photobook of the Family Reunion
42. make photobook of the Road Trip
43. cut back on caffeine
44. sell off 2 Zuni fetishes
45. deep clean altar and altar shelf
46. mount antlers
47. figure out where to hang them in my room
48. go swimming
49. get a tan
50. keep up-to-date with the Morning Pages
51. finish up current journal swap
52. plan David's birthday
53. starting planning 5th wedding anniversary
54. try 2 new places to eat
55. get 2 new polos for Starbucks
56. get 2 new pants/capris for Starbucks
57. get at least 1 new bra
58. get 3 new t-shirts
59. find out when the next Advanced R.A.D. is and plan to attend
60. meet up with an on-line buddy
61. attend a public Pagan ritual
62. write out my beliefs
63. continue researching Luciferianism
64. continue enjoying PostCrossing
65. send in a secret to PostSecret
66. daily walks with Holly as much as possible
67. roast marshmallows
68. see 2 movies in the movie theater
69. eat a hotdog
70. eat a snowcone
71. light sparklers
72. blow bubbles
73. take awesome, fun photos on the Road Trip
74. get fun photos with my students the last week of school
75. set up some plans for the next school year
76. build a fort
77. build my Prepper Binder
78. sexy time!
79. get a tan tattoo
80. dip my toes in the ocean
81. get a photo of it
82. make a cute gift basket for David's parents
83. learn how to use my camera remote
84. go a full day without using any computer
85. watch the fireflies
86. send postcards to friends
87. visit 2 new-to-me states
88. get a honeydew melon to share with Holly
89. get the technology summer job through the school district
90. get drunk one evening
91. cool beach photo of David & I to put in a beach-themed frame
92. make pancakes for dinner
93. enjoy an ice cream cone
94. read one of Kelley Armstrong's new books
95. browse through Half-Priced Books
96. learn a new braid or way to do my hair
97. try 1 facial/hair mask from Pinterest
98. finish the tv series Bitten
99. fire a gun
100. enjoy summer!