3rd Year Anniversary

David came up to me and said he needed to borrow my purple ring. He took off with it and came back with a jewelry box and said "Happy anniversary!"

Inside it was my purple ring. He was just nice enough to let me wear it all this time. *laughs*

Man I love my husband!

Wolf Scratch Art

I finished up this scratch-art project last night.
It was a kit that I picked up at Michael's craft store. 
I worked on it probably about a week and a half.  And I'm damn proud of it.
I think it turned out very nicely.
I'll have to go back on payday and see what else they have!

I'm slowly breaking the idea that i have that I'm not artistic.  Maybe one of these days I'll be able to do a similar piece, 100% on my own.  I would love that. 
Need to check out some books on drawing/sketching from the library and get to work!  *smiles*

Goddess Protect Me

Goddess be with me today.
Protect me from lies, dishonesty, and vicious negativity.
I ask should these be directed at me
or my staff
that they simply be reflected back
to the sender.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

To say that this has been a hellacious school year would be just scratching the surface.  I've refrained from writing about it because I'm doing my best not to dwell on it.

That, and I'm already having to document it for work, and I just have no desire to continue to beat that dead horse.
Beat the parents that are maliciously LYING?  Sure, I'd be more than happy to do that.
It's just that having assault on my record would greatly limit my career opportunities, so I restrain myself.

Today is that day that the most vicious liar usually comes in to pick up her child.  It's also the ONLY day of the week that she picks him up.  Every other day, it's either the step-father figure or one of four family friends.

This is the one claiming I'm a racist, that I'm bullying her child, that I'm encouraging my staff to bully him, that I protect pedophiles, and everything under the sun that falls into that realm.  Luckily for me, I've documented all of this AND have witnesses that can testify for all the various times she's changed her story.  I've requested that she, my boss, and I all sit down and see if we could get all the facts out at once and clear the air.  She flat out told my boss that's never going to happen because she is just too busy.  *shakes her head*  Which is fine by me, because I have not desire to sit down with this woman and have her lie straight to my face.

At least now I know where her son gets it.  Luckily, he's just as poor a liar as she is.

I've applied for pharmacy jobs through Wallgreens and Target.
Walmart doesn't have any in the area.  I still need to apply through CVS.  And then begin looking at the hospitals.  I want OUT of child care.  Let someone else deal with that stupid cunt.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This past Saturday, we all met up at Kiranae's house for Mabon.  It was a lovely ritual.  Very personally moving.
Imagine my shock when I heard from Rose (our High Priestess) on Monday, that Kiranae's house had burned to the ground.
Kiranae was at home at the time, but got out safely.  She got three of her four dogs out too.  Sadly, Bailey didn't make it.  The firemen pulled him out (he's an old Yorkie) and were giving him CPR and trying to revive him, but Kiranae finally stopped them and told them he was gone.

She is AMAZINGLY upbeat about the whole situation.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

And I think that's pretty much it that I wanted to touch base on.
I need to get better about writing.
I'm just REALLY enjoying not having the Morning Pages looming over me any more.
I've begun looking at what it's going to cost for me to make the beaded wrap/case for my athame.  I'm really enjoying that.  *smiles*  Can't wait to get started.

Mabon, Maat, and Meaning

Yesterday was Mabon, the Autumn Equinox, the 2nd harvest.  I was lucky enough to finally get to attend ritual with my Coven.  I haven't ritualized in a number of months now, and was really missing my Witches.

Kiranae wrote the ritual. 
We Cast the Circle and Called in the Quarters using "Great Voice".  Which essentially means silently. 
While I've Cast and Called this way before, this time around I just wasn't feeling it.  I guess, honestly, I'm just out of practice.  *chuckles*  I called in the South, which is my standard Direction.  I had a hard time feeling it, and usually when I call in the South, it knocks ya over.  *chuckles*

Rose (High Priestess) called down Ma'at -- Egyptian Goddess of Balance (among other things, but we were focusing on Balance).
Beowulf (High Priest) called down Thoth -- Ma'at's husband and Sacred Scribe.

The rest of us, took some time to reflect on the various aspects/sections of our lives and see where the balance was or wasn't.  On a red piece of paper we wrote down what we wished to banish from our lives. 

I wrote down FEAR OF CHANGE and my constant SELF-SABOTAGE.

On a yellow piece of paper, we wrote down what we wished to bring into our lives.

I wrote down EMPOWERMENT and RECONNECTION (to self and to others).

The Thoth, embodied by Beowulf, took each one of us individually before Ma'at to have Her speak with us.
I was scared to face the Goddess.  I know my life is crazy unbalanced and I feared what She would say.

She told me that I was Balanced.
She warned me to not let all the things circling me to make me dizzy.  I was jumping from subject to subject without accomplishing anything.  And all that swirling around me, was shutting me down.
My time of floating is coming to an end.  I need to focus.  I need to listen to my heart/spirit and it will tell me where my focus belongs.

Talk about humbling. 
So very humbling.

It's experiences like this that make me so grateful to be a Pagan. 
So grateful for my Coven, which facilitates these brushes with the Divine.

And that's why I'm asking for Initiation.  *smiles*

Bam!

Unknown Artist

Oh my goodness, this has been the utter week from hell.
Hell, this entire school year (all FOUR weeks of it) have been utter hell.
The parents are driving me utterly batty, and apparently they believe they can walk all over me.  *chuckles* 
Boy, are they in for a rude awakening.
I apparently didn't get the memo that everyone was eating the cupcake of utter delusions today.

As I was taking a moment of calm in the bathroom at work today (the only place I could find a moment of calm, to be honest), I was grousing about how horrible today had been.
I couldn't understand why a job I sincerely enjoy, had so drastically changed.

And bam!  It hit me like a lightning bolt to the head of my dick (to quote the movie Stepbrothers...great movie by the way) -- a moment of clarity when all the puzzle pieces fell into place.

If I remain comfortable in this job, I will never leave it...I will never get out of the child care field. 
As long as I'm comfortable, I'll remain here, in this rut.

These are the beginning labor pains.  The first tinges of pain that are signaling what is to come.
These labor pains brought me home today, with the overwhelming desire to punch the wall until 1) I punched a hole in the wall, 2) I punched a hole in my hand or broke it, or 3) all of the above, to simply get out my rage.  Thankfully, instead, I comforted myself with bbq chips.  *chuckles*

But the pains are a signal. 
The birth, the change is coming.

And I can either fight it tooth and nail, every step of the way, and make it as painful as possible, without changing the final outcome.

OR

I can breathe through this pain. (take it one day at a time; focus on the good)
I can prepare for the birth. (begin looking for another job)
And I can rejoice in the gift I'm about to receive.  (a new job; a new career; a new Path)

Gotta look deep into my own soul and find that inner strength that I know I possess.
It's time to go on the War Path and Conquer this old foe. (fuck you fear; fuck you self-doubt; fuck you self-sabotage)
 

Thankful Thursday 09.20.12

ART: Lidn 99
ARTIST: catman-suha

I am thankful.....

1. that my bosses totally have my back at work against this psycho bitch parent.
2. trying out a new artistic medium -- a pre-printed scratchboard.  It's a wolf (surprised?) and it's really coming along nicely.  Once it's done, I plan to frame it and hang it up.  And get a new one!  *chuckles*
3. Leviathan shed on Monday and is happily cruising around her tank again.
4. David surprised me with Starbucks today when he got home.  Very cool of him.
5. finished my year of Morning Pages yesterday.  Woohoo!
6. this week from hell is just about over.
7. have the ability to get a little bit of extra time at work now, as I'm authorized to clock in a bit earlier.  Thank goodness!  I plan to get as much time (i.e. MONEY) as possible.
8. truly amazing staff I have this year.  I just like all my staff!
9. ritual this weekend.  It's been months since I've been able to get together with my Coven, so I'm really looking forward to it.
10. money in the bank and coming up with a budget to get everything paid off.  Slowly but surely, I can conquer my debt.

Palmetto

A Palmetto morph corn snake.  Pretty damn cool looking if I say so myself.



And, of course, these guys are EXPENSIVE.  *sighs*  We're talking $4,000 a snake currently, and the breeder is not planning to lower his price anytime soon.

Thankful Thursday 09.13.12

ART: Eye Contact
ARTIST: rilibko

I am thankful........

1. that this insane work week is almost over.  Tomorrow cannot come soon enough.
2. amazing aides I have this year.  They truly are great.
3. David's had a good birthday week thus far. 
4. that I do not have any children.  My students are driving me batty as it is.  *chuckles*
5. that I only have 6 more days left in the year of Morning Pages challenge.  I cannot wait for that to be over and done with.  It's been one hell of a challenge.
6. I got my resume re-written.  I need to polish it and then start aggressively looking for a Pharmacy tech-in-training job. 
7. beautiful overcast day and cooler temperatures today.  I hope this means it's finally beginning to cool down into autumn.
8. the hilarious antics of my students that had me laughing out loud most of today. 
9. re-reading old books.
10. got my new ring and chain yesterday.  I LOVE the ring!  I need to get a photo of it.
11. that tomorrow is PAY DAY even if it's going to be a small one.

Good Photo of Holly

I actually managed to get a good photo of Holly looking at the camera.  She almost NEVER looks at the camera long enough for me to get a good shot.  *grins*



The trick = holding a baby carrot just above my camera.  *grins*

Scary...and Some Goals

My dear on-line buddy, April, shared this on FaceBook today and it just really grabbed me by the throat and demanded I wake up.

I am terrible about looking for a job that has nothing to do with what I love in life (aka me looking into going into the Pharmacy field) because I'll make more money that I'm currently making.  It's not that I think I'll loathe working in the Pharmacy field...in fact, I'm fairly sure I'll enjoy myself...but it has nothing to do with my big passions in life -- namely animals and photography.

I tell myself I'll make all this money.
And I'll get out of debt.
And THEN I'll get to pursue my photography/travel dreams.

And yet, I know I would be filled with regret if I were to die tomorrow, because I didn't pursue my dreams swiftly enough.

I'm letting my fear of getting out of child care (I'm beyond comfortable in my current job, it just doesn't allow me to make enough money) holding me back from pursuing BETTER.

And I deserve BETTER.

I deserve a job that is rewarding, enriching, that pays more than just my bills, AND that allows me actually get ahead.
I deserve to have the money needed to pursue my dreams.

I deserve return trips to Wolf Park.
I deserve to see wolves in the wild.
I deserve my polar bear trip.

And I deserve all of this long before I turn 40.

So my goals:

• update resume by Sunday
• apply for AT LEAST 10 pharmacy tech-in-training positions by Mabon (Sept 22nd)
• blow any and all interviews out of the water to show them what an amazing person I am and will be for that position

And non-career goals:

• continue nightly meditations
• elliptical time (got to get my knee back to health)
• take care of myself physically
• no more Sprite at work...drink WATER

And I feel that's a great start.

Happy 6th Hatch-day, Leviathan!

 

So Sleepy

Long weekends always throw off my sleep schedule.  Sunday night I didn't go to sleep until 4 or 5 am.  I just could not shut off my brain.  It was in hyper-drive, thinking about various crafts for my students to do.  *shakes her head*  Just crazy.

Today was my 2nd appointment with Ideal Image.  It was a bit more painful because they amp up the laser each time, but a over less area.  My hair is really working with the laser well.  It's really thinning out.  Woohoo!

David and I saw The Watch last night at the dollar theater -- hilarious movie with a twist we totally did not see coming.  It's one we definitely plan to buy on DVD.

I just want to curl up and sleep the day away.  Too bad I have to go to work soon.  Thank goodness it's not raining.  I wouldn't have a prayer then.  *chuckles*

Hmmm, I don't think there's really anything else to babble about. 

10 Odd Things....

A fave of mine did a list of 10 Odd things about Yourself...and I'm totally stealing the idea:

1. I love the smell of men's deodorant.  LOVE it.  I think it's a sexy smell.
2. I still sleep with a stuffed animal....he's a lion and his name is Constantine.  He's about 10 years old or so now.
3. I actually like my MoonTime.  I feel powerful during that time and see it as a time my body naturally cleanses itself out.
4. I hoard pens.  I probably have well over 200 individual pens. 
5. One of my greatest dreams would be to have my own wolf sanctuary and I would happily spend all my time with my wolves.
6. I obsessively play Champions: Return to Arms.  I have no idea how many times I've beat the game, but I continue to play it.
7. I find Vultures adorable....especially Black Vultures.
8. I am a walking encyclopedia of animal facts.  My students love it because they can ask me about any animal pretty much and I have some fact on it (usually more than one fact even).
9. At work, I have to clock in/out on a 5 minute increment.  I cannot clock out at 6:26.  I'll wait the extra 4 minutes to clock out at 6:30.
10. I am a collector of claws, bones, furs, and feathers.  I have 4 different claw necklaces, countless feathers, 3 fox tails, antlers, and various bits of fur. One of the ways to make me happy is to surprise me with a tooth or claw or feather. Forget roses or expensive jewelry....gift me a beautiful wolf pelt and I'll squeal with happiness.